- 7 years ago
I’m a long time lurker, first post. I apologize in advance because this is going to be very long, stay with me. We just got engaged about a month ago, and have already launched right into planning. We want a very short engagement, and are looking as early as the fall to get married. Anyway, there are 4 girls I want in my bridal party. My sister, who will be my Maid/Matron of Honor and three of my friends. My sister and two of my bridesmaids were more than happy to be in the party, and accepted right away. However, my third bridesmaid, one of my best friends from college, was very wary about being a bridesmaid. When I asked her she was very nonchalant about it and seemed disinterested. I just brushed it off as her perhaps feeling a bit sad because her SO recently broke up with her, and she’s taken it incredibly hard. I didn’t think much of it at the time, and just thought I’d giver her some space.
Fastforward to Monday, and I called her to check in and see how she was doing. I told her that the plans are underway, and that we have been looking at venues, and have one we are really interested in. Her responses were very short, “mhm” “great” “sounds nice”. Finally I just decided to ask her what was wrong, I told her she seemed very upset and that I’d love to hear what was on her mind. I was very shocked at what she told me, and haven’t been able to brush it off for the past couple days. She told me that while she wants to be involved in my wedding, because she loves ME, she has a “bad feeling” about my fiance and doesn’t really support us getting married. On top of being a bit taken off guard, I asked her if something had happened to make her feel that way and she listed off some reasons that just seemed more like a cop out. (i.e- you guys want different things, you have different lifestyles, etc) than her actual true feelings. I love her dearly, and want her to be a part of my wedding but now I feel very awkward in the situation. I told her that she shouldn’t feel obligated to be in the wedding if it makes her uncomfortable, to which her response was something like “don’t be silly. I absolutely want to be a part of your day because I love you. It will all be fine” and then she changed the subject abruptly.
I haven’t said anything to my fiance yet, because I don’t want to be accusatory, or add any more drama to the situation, but I’m thinking I should. I hate the idea of having my friend who I love dearly, be in my bridal party on our special day, when I know she doesn’t agree with it. The thing that makes this hard as well, is all of my friends and family love my fiance. They think the world of him, and he has been welcomed very warmly into my life. When my friend first met him, she told me she liked him a lot and thought he really made me happy, a year and a half later it’s a completely different story. Now I’m worried that something happened that I don’t know about, and that’s what really irks me. But on the other hand, my friend may just still be reeling and hurting from her failed marriage, so I would hate to make her feel even worse by racking up a huge drama.
I don’t know bees, this has really put a damper on the whole planning, and now I’m feeling less excited and more stressful. I love both my fiance and friend dearly, and I want our special day to be great, but I just have no idea how to handle this situation. I’m actually pretty shocked my friend was so upfront, and have no idea how to move forward.