(Closed) Need Advice: To invite or not invite my adult cousins

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 4
Member
1638 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

A wedding is basically a free party at your expense for your guests. It is up to you who is invited. I saw invited only those you know. Leave that one cousin off. Claim small budget and limited space. I am dealing with the same issue right now. This is not a birthday party or a summer cook-out, it is a pay-by-the-plate/hour function you have been planning for a while. Stick to your guns. If they get upset, they should have taken all those years to cultivate a better relationship with you.

My friend is a wedding planner and she told me a long time ago with weddings, somebody is going to get upset. Brush it off and keep it moving.

Post # 5
Member
206 posts
Helper bee

Hmm. I feel your pain. My dad has 7 siblings and my mom has 1. My dad is something of a black sheep in his family and none of them have played a role in my life and maybe 2 of them have met Fiance. My mom’s sister on the other hand is like my second mother. I would like to invite her and not any of my dad’s siblings but I think that probably steps on some toes.

I think if I am inviting Aunts and Uncles I am inviting Aunts and Uncles, as much as I would like to pick and choose it would probably turn out poorly. So… I think if you aren’t inviting cousins you aren’t inviting them, period. I think that is probably also the easiest way to explain it to her, then it doesn’t seem like you are singling anyone out.

Post # 6
Member
2154 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2011

Why not invite only the cousins who you CAN pick out of a crowd? That seems like a good place to draw the line!

Post # 8
Member
4583 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

Honestly, we did what most people told us not to do: we picked and chose who we most wanted to share our special day with – even when that meant inviting an aunt & uncle but not their adult children who live with them. Our excuse was we don’t talk to these cousins very often at all and we know they won’t come without their (very high energy) children. The only kids we’re inviting are first cousins, no second cousins. Will this cause some resentment and hurt feelings? Possibly. But they’ll get over it eventually. We had to keep our budget and guest list very small so people need to understand we’re only inviting those we’re closest to.

Post # 9
Member
5891 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Beluga: i second this.  i’m definitely only friendly with a handful of my cousins, so i’m inviting them only. i mean, if we haven’t seen/spoken to each other in 8 years, do you really expect an invite?

Post # 10
Member
996 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2009

I invited zero aunts and uncles and 3 cousins. Darling Husband invited his aunts and uncles and no cousins. People were (and still are) pissed but whatever. I haven’t seen them in over 11 years so I felt like I shouldn’t invite them over friends I see all of the time. Yes they are technically family…but my friends feel more like family to me than my actual family does.

My point being invite who you would regret not inviting down the road. I have friends that I see almost everyday that I would feel terrible about cutting from my list just so I could have some cousin come to my wedding that I won’t see again until we run into eachother at a funeral someday.

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