- 5 years ago
- Wedding: June 2015
I attend university with my SO, and we have a 5 week break coming up. We love to travel, and decided to travel for at least two weeks of it. We’ve made some very good friends here, and in about November, the four of us decided to travel for those 2 weeks together.
My SO and our friend T, (a guy) were pretty close and got along really well. However, T has become very self absorbed and needy over the last few months relating to a ridiculous relationship issue that I won’t go into. He doesn’t really show much effort into his friendships anymore and his friends (including us) are getting annoyed/tired of dealing with this behaviour. And yes, people (us included) have had discussions with him about this and he swears that he gets it, blames it on this relationship issue and then goes back to the same behaviour a day later.
Our other friend, a girl, is R. She’s sweet and awesome and we love her and would love to travel with her. Issue is, T and R were going to be ‘travel buddies’ and share a room etc because we’re going to buy resort packages which are based on double occupancy. Also – R does not want to travel solely with my SO and I, which is totally understandable. T and R used to be really close friends, however, in the last month my SO and I have seen some tension there are she has revealed to me that she feels slighted T’s behaviour too.
SO – it’s close to time to book – and T is making things difficult. One example: We proposed meeting up to plan and book tomorrow. T said he could come – then an hour later said he had alternate plans that he’d forgotten about. okay fine. Then T texts SO to see if he wants to hang out tonight. SO has to work. I then propose an alternate time tomorrow. T states that the alternate time doesn’t work either because he has to study, but a few hours later would.
UM…if you have that much work, why were you wanting to hang out tonight? Why are you going through with your other plans (which are not a must do) in the AM if you’re so busy? and why does 6 pm work, but not 2? If you had that much work you’d either skip all plans to work, or simply meet at 2 and study afterwards. Again, he doesn’t really care about anyone else’s schedule and makes it all about him. also – the invite was to come to our house so he essentially vetoed a time that was good for us, and then invited himself at a time that’s not.
Even dealing with the run up is now exhausting and I don’t even want to go with T anymore. My SO and I have been seriously contemplating telling T that we’re not going to travel with him anymore, but that essentially screws R.
So what do we do? I feel like there will be serious consequences for all our friendships if we don’t travel with him/essentially cancel R’s trip too. We don’t want to wreck the friendship and we were hoping that this was a wierd phase that would pass; but at this point I’m afraid that I’ll get so annoyed with his self centered attitude that it will wreck the trip AND any friendship we still have.