(Closed) Need advice wil I live in SIN?!?!!?!??!!?!?!?

posted 6 years ago in Christian
Post # 3
Member
11752 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

You need to do what’s best for the two of you, not his parents.

Post # 4
Member
197 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

Dont tell them you live together? My fiance moved in with me 7 months before we got engaged and his parents still don’t know and it’s almost been a year now!

Post # 5
Member
355 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

That depends on Texas laws.  You need to find out how long a marriage license is valid for in your county. 

Post # 6
Member
11234 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013

Just having your marriage license without having the ceremony performed by SOMEONE means nothing. I can go apply for a marriage license tomorrow and still won’t be married until a certified officiant signs it. 

That said, you need to do what’s best for the two of you. I would never marry someone I hadn’t lived with first.

Post # 7
Member
1297 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

I’d say first your Fiance and you need to decide if you two are okay with it. It sounds like you are, but just make clear that you mutually agree that it is okay to live with each other three months before the wedding. Figure out what terms work for you. You could share a bed, or sleep separately until you were married if it made you more comfortable. The most important thing is to get on the same page with your Fiance and then tell his parents that you have made the decision that works for you, and there will be no more discussion.

Post # 8
Member
5296 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: January 1993

as said, it’s not valid till the license is signed by an officiant, and most places you can only get them so far in advance of a wedding anyway……you may not be able to do three months. 

 

But you have to do what’s right for you, not the parents. Darling Husband and I lived together for 6 months before the wedding so we wouldn’t be stuck paying double rents, but I would had no qualms whatsoever marrying him without living together first. It’s not a necessity in my book. 

Post # 9
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mariamorales:  

do they live nearby? If not, do it and don’t tell them. If they do live nearby, you will have to decide about whether or not its worth it to defy them, because it will create ill will between you. We live in “sin” but his parents live in another country so they’re none the wiser! 😀

Post # 10
Member
3626 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@vorpalette:  This.

FI’s parents didn’t want us to live together but… oh well! They didn’t cut him out of their lives, they dealt with it like adults. They’re adults, we’re adults, and everyone does their adult thing. 

Post # 12
Member
10367 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

Mariage licenses expire, so i’d look into that if you think that could change perception.

Also, this is YOUR relationship, YOUR life – not your parents’. If you are old enough to get married, you are old enough to make this call for yourself. It’s your relationship with your religion, as well – your parents aren’t god!

Post # 13
Member
433 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

@mariamorales:  

 

I think that’s a good idea. Because basically you’re just taking care of the technicalities and then that frees you up to live together and save money, then you can take your time and have a nice ceremony.

Post # 14
Member
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

The “living in sin” is not what the parents want BUT is it an issue for YOU and FI?!

If living seperately is important to you and FI then do you have options? Is this for religious or celibacy reasons? Can one of you move in to the apartment and the other stay with a parent or relative? Can you both occupy the apartment and stay in seperate rooms?

To me the solution would all depend on the goal you are trying to acheive, is it just the goal of not living together before being married to keep up appearances or the goal of actually being pure/celibate/chaste prior to the marriage?

ETA: Courthouse marriage and then religious/ceremonial celebration in March on your planned wedding date would be a good compromise solution if this issue is important to your Fiance as well as his parents.

Post # 16
Member
1676 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

Are you religious? That’s the big key to this. If you are, then no, having a marriage licence isn’t the same thing as actually being married, and from a religious standpoint, you shouldn’t live together.  If you aren’t, then you have to decide how much it bothers you to defy the religious norms in your family. 

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