Need Advice – Work Issues

posted 2 years ago in Emotional
Post # 2
Member
37 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2017

I’m sorru your job situation sucks so much. There’s no possibility to do remote work in your field? It’s all on-site, right? This seems like a toxic place and I’m sorry you can’t seem to get out due to it being a specialized field with your husband’s job. Sounds like the work life balance is a problem too- typically whenever I’ve struggled with work issues I’ve tried to develop hobbies outside of work to not not make it my primary focus. Seems like a very toxic place, have you considered a career change or is this really what you want to do? Unless moving is in your future there may not be many other options if it’s so specialized

Post # 3
Member
9923 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

View original reply
knotyet :  

I think your last paragrph really outlines how hard it is and  –  sorry – how unlikely it  seems that this is going to improve. It seems as if you are now endowed with the label and role  of ‘been around ages,  knows what she’s doing,  but not cool, and we all are SO cool  and innovative ‘  

In my experience  ( academia, not your field  but the situation sounds familiar to me) this rarely gets better, without relocating or generally moving on . One thing you can do , while looking  elswhere is to gradually stop doing other people’s   work where possible. You’ll never get credit for it or be popular because of it  anyway,   and half the time they don’t even admit you are doing it .  In fact, you get actually being punished for it in a twisted way. 

I do hope you can get away OP, work sounds awful and I  know  how  that feels. 

Post # 4
Member
22 posts
Newbee

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knotyet :  It sounds like you’re a developer in health care. Please correct me if I’m wrong. 

I don’t know you but I’m livid for you. Firstly, why does this demanding asshole get to run around saying stuff like they want to “pop you” (!!!) and they’re “going to go postal” (!!!!!!) without consequence? And they had the termity to say YOU’RE difficult? Is your manager aware of this? If so, what did they say? I don’t care how fend for yourself your workplace is, you have the RIGHT to work without getting subjected to threats of violence. If I were you I’d meet that person in the parking lot at the end of the day and have a little private “chat” in a darkened corner. Working in the IT field has made me combative and confrontational, though. People will step on you as much as you allow, so cut it off. Seriously, don’t take ANYMORE shit. 

Secondly, why do you feel compelled to go out of your way so much? Girl, you’re going to give yourself an ulcer if you don’t step back and watch things burn. 

It seems like nothing is going to change, so your only option aside from pursuing another job is for you to change the way you respond. Stop with the unpaid overtime. Working for free devalues you. Don’t even look at your email unless your employer is fully paying for a work phone. Also, document every single interaction you have with people who schlep their tasks onto you. Get really specific, too, note the dates, times, and people involved. Save every email. Record every phone conversation. Also, if you’re working with code in any capacity there should be some kind of version control in place, what’s stopping you from pointing at the original task assignee? 

I know it sucks to hear negative feedback from your supervisor, but congratulations on being called difficult. That’s shorthand for “this woman is not a doormat and doesn’t giggle every time she completes a sentence”. Embrace the label. Give them a REAL reason to call you difficult by not putting up with any of their crap.

A final suggestion which, in addition to covering my ass with documentation and being a bad target for bullies, has helped me in the past: get a written copy of your job description. Organize a meeting with your manager to discuss every bullet point. When presented with a task that’s even slightly outside of your written, formal job description, refuse it. 

It’s going to take stones to say no when you’ve said yes for so long, but if you want to survive this job and keep your sanity intact then you absolutely must set clear boundaries and stop tolerating crap. Your work culture is certifiably whack. The only healthy way to respond is to disengage.

Post # 5
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

The situation you’re in sucks, bee. She was 100% in the wrong and unprofessional. However, she’s likely just as stressed as you and getting the run-around from a few different people. You handled it well. Plus her manager saw how ridiculous she was.

In my experience, complaining about this to higher ups can backfire. You did what you could. Staying calm, cool, and collected while continuing to crank out your own work until your manager gets back is likely the best solution. Easier said than done, I know!

If anyone asks, you don’t think X is in your scope. Period. Then change the subject. If you can avoid being dragged into the drama, people around the office will hear emotional ranting from only her, which just makes her look bad. Make sure anything that IS under your ownership is 100% perfect.

I’d rather be known as “difficult, but gets things done” than “doormat that does whatever is asked.” At least until you can find a new job!

Post # 7
Member
237 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: City, State

View original reply
knotyet :  I’m glad your manager’s manager was made aware and stepped in! I know it’s still not easy, but hopefully that helps. I hope they fire her.

Good luck with your job search bee! You can make it through this

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