(Closed) Need Advice

posted 12 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 17
Member
305 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2008

Yeah, I ran into trouble with my bridal party having time to do the stuff I imagined we could do together.  I even picked people that were close in location to me but it has still been rough.  Even when I went to try on my dress, I thought it would be me and my bridesmaids. But then my nephew’s fiance showed up to try on her dress! I mean, come on, was she trying to take away all my fun?

You have no idea how many people think that they are the most important in your life, and how  hard it is to make what you "imagined" happen.

This is definalty only the beginning.  I’m almost sorry I didn’t elope in Las Vegas like Fiance wanted to!  But 12 more days and it will be all over! (or just beginning, depending on how you look at it)

Post # 18
Member
1458 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2008

I’m with you, I think that just the Wedding Party is the way to go – however being that Fiance already told him something else it might cause some issues.

I would still go in and tell him, explain no one else is being aloowed to being kids and or SO’s and no one has even asked. It may be hard for him to understand but as the best man he shoulnd’t be so needy and codependant on his g/f, whom he seems awfully in need of pleasing…. 

Post # 19
Member
33 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2009

Well it seems like you already know what you want. Why don’t you just tell him what you’ve told all of us? That there really isn’t a real brunch, just a quick grab and go breakfast before fitting and you wouldn’t want to inconvenience FBIL’s gf with the extra trip especially since the fittings are for Wedding Party only? And that you look forward to meeting her at some other nonspecified time before the wedding, maybe for a quick meal between you, Fiance, Future Brother-In-Law and her? If he insists, then be a little bit more firm and say there isn’t room and you would feel badly because there wouldn’t be time for anyone to entertain her or really keep her company since everyone will be busy with their clothes and getting fitted. And then if he really keeps making a fuss, then either get your Fiance to talk to him, or he can just take his gf with him. You said she probably isn’t the one making the fuss…if this is THAT important to you, then you can always ask for her contact information and have a nice personal chat with her directly…explain the situation and again reiterate that you’d love to meet her at some other time when you would all have the chance to get together for some one on one time.

Post # 20
Member
2292 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: July 2008

Okay, first you say:

"I think that it is in his best interest if he finds it very disturbing to be apart that he be able to attend to all of her needs and devote 100% to her if he doesn’t really have the time. "

And then you say you’re not criticizing your Future Brother-In-Law or his relationship.

In an earlier post you said you sent invitations for this brunch, you said that your Future Mother-In-Law was hosting.  Earlier in this post you said you have paired people up and prepared gift bags, and then you say it’s just a bagel on the run… it’s not making any sense to me. 

And seriously – if you’re wondering how to better accomodate Future Brother-In-Law and his girlfriend, it hasn’t been apparent up until just now.  It was pretty clear earlier in this post and in your previous posts that you were trying to make a case for excluding her, and having arguments with both Future Brother-In-Law and Future Mother-In-Law to that end. 

And yes, their family (and your family, and your BMs) will talk behind your back about the crazy bridezilla things you do.  Just like you’re talking behind your FBIL’s back about his relationship.  Why would I say it?  Because it’s true!  My sister gets the wedding planning craziness stories about me from my mom, and then calls me to relay the dirt.  And vice versa, I’m sure.  Fiance and I talk (sometime endlessly, it seems) about his psycho sister and the drama she introduces into the picture.  We all love each other – that doesn’t mean we don’t talk about how crazy one or the other of us is acting.

Post # 22
Member
43 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: July 2020

i can’t believe everyone is saying that you should just let her come. i think the only way that would be appropriate for the event that you’ve described (eating a quick breakfast, then heading out) would be if everyone else’s SO’s are invited, too. ESPECIALLY if you’re planning some intimate words for your bridal party.

plus, if you cave on this, what’s next? is he going to ask that she be in the bridal party next? the family pictures? your bachelorette party?

 

Post # 23
Member
170 posts
Blushing bee

Honestly, whether you choose to accept it or not… and it sounds like you wont… this is not a battle worth fighting. Of course we don’t know your family or their feelings, but it should send some sort of signal to you that quite a few commenters here, who are probably all brides and most likely people to sympathize with you, think you should be the one compromising. It sounds like you have made your feelings clear to your Future Brother-In-Law and he thinks you are being unreasonable.  You can either start a battle or just make the best of it. We are not going to be able to tell you some new way to express that.

 You say, ""I am wondering if maybe he would prefer to sit with her at a guest table that way they can be together because they seem so attached.  Maybe they would both have more fun, and I am wondering if maybe he doesn’t really have the time to do all of the Bridal Party events we have planned."

Now it sounds like you are thinking about kicking him out of the bridal party but trying to make it sounds like it’s for HIS convenience, He obviously does have time for Bridal Party events but wants his significant other included, which is not an unreasonable request.  If you try to kick him out of the bridal party you will be way crossing the line.

Post # 25
Member
88 posts
Worker bee

i think when y’all are all 60 years old and gray, none of this is going to matter.

 

(that’s commented with a smile 

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