- 8 years ago
I haven’t posted here much but could use some confirmation from you ladies for something I already know-that I’m better off without my ex. We just broke up recently so emotionally I’m still struggling with it but rationally I know he was not right for me.
We were together for 1.5 years. Things were great at first for the first 8-9 months, about 8 months after we started dating I moved in with him. One month later he broke up with me for the first time (after I’d just moved to live with him). The reasons were that he had a vision of us happy with other people lol, and that little things I did annoyed him like being late to pick him up from work and tell him not to buy unhealthy stuff at the store. I was in love with him, didn’t want to break up, I said I’d work on it and after a 3 day “trial”l he said he agreed. Although it took him a month after that to say he sees a real future with me again. 3 months later, he told me one day that our roommate was going to be moving out and he saw two options. One option is that we try to find a place together but he said he didn’t see that happening because his credit is horrible and no apartments will accept him. The other option he said was for each of us to find a room to rent sort of situation, because they dont check credit. So we would stop living together which hurt me and I saw as a step backwards. I asked him why he didn’t see the option of us staying where we are and just renting out the roommate’s room. He said he didnt think of that, and admitted later that he had been feeling weird about us later again and wanted to live separately to avoid bickering. That hurt me because again, he was breaking up with me after promising me that he wants a future with me and he made a mistake breaking up and won’t do it again. Again I said I want to work it out. He called his mom who I guess said good things about me, so he came in after the phone call, had done a total 180 after talking to her and said he was so wrong, he wanted to be with me and I was perfect for him. He said his mom helped him see that. So he said we will find a roommate to fill the room at the current place. So we tried again. This time only a month goes by and the next break up happens. He broke up with me because I had brought up getting engaged one too many times lol. This to him was the “nail in the coffin.” Of course I was bringing it up, because being with someone who played with my emotions so much and broke up with me so often, I wanted some kind of security. If he said he made a mistake and wanted to be with me I wanted it to be for real not a break up every couple months. ANyway this made him break up with me very finally, when I wanted to try to work through it like always, he told me there was no chance of that ever happening even if I totally changed everything and that he wanted me to move out by the end of the month. So I was extremely hurt that day, ended up talking to a guy friend about what had just happened, and stuff happened with that guy and I started dating him that same day:/ . My ex found out about it a couple days later and was incredibly upset, cried, etc. Said he couldn’t believe I could just throw him away like that. I was so confused because I didn’t throw him away at all, I had begged for him to not break up with me and he coldly told me there was no chance at all for us. But apparently what he really hadd in mind was to test me. He told me this when he found out about that other guy. That the break up was just a test to make me work on stuff for myself instead of for him. Who does that? Anyway, he said that he would have wanted to get back together if I worked on stuff, but since I “betrayed” him by dating someone else right away after HE broke up with me, we could never be together again. I didn’t beg or try this time. I just went about my life but he said I could wait until the semester was over to move. But about a month after, he started talking about our issues, wanting to go out and do things with me, basically started doing all normal relationship things. After a while of this I asked him what he wanted and he said he does want to work things out, but said I still had to move because he felt too betrayed. He said that we will still be together though, going to each others places etc. I thought it was absurd to have me uproot my life and move if he actually wanted to be together still, but I moved. In the 2 months I still lived there before moving, he promised me that we would work out, that he had no doubts and would work through out problems instead of always giving up like he did. Of course it was extremly hard for me to believe this even though I wanted to, because he had said that to me so much and ended up giving up every time. I didn’t feel safe or secure or like I could rely on his word. So I questioned him a lot about this, every day before I moved. I worried a lot and expressed it to him. Sl he broke up with me again for worrying too much and putting too much stress on him. Same story.. I beg, he agrees to try again. I move out a week later and we spend time with each other and things are going fine but I still express worry (rightfully so, in my opinion). ANd then he saw his mom about a week after I moved out, and she said to make sure he told me that he was actually unsure about everything. He expressed his fears to her and she said to make sure to tell me. So he tells me, and I freak out cause I had just moved out and was believing all his promises. I said I can’t believe you did this again, and said I can’t do it anymore. He just said “ok.” I freaked out like 5 minutes later though and apologized, but he said it was over. He said I should have supported him when he had his fears about us but instead I freak out and backed him into a corner. So he said not to talk to him at all anymore. He ignored a couple texts I sent the next day, and just said again please dont talk to me. It’s been about 2 weeks and we’ve had no contact