(Closed) Need Advice…considering breaking engagement

posted 9 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3521 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2010

His reaction to you being upset is a HUGE red flag, one that not only should not but MUST NOT be ignored. I’d suggest getting out now and finding someone who respects you more than this guy does. Big hugs!

 

ETA: You should not have to “explain yourself” to your significant other every time you’re upset. That’s not right and the fact that he won’t communicate is disrespectful and manipulative.

Post # 4
Member
1723 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

changed my mind. 

Post # 5
Member
1755 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2014

I agree with Mrs Grape 100%.  Big red flags.

Post # 6
Member
2103 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

I’m so hapy for you that you “woke up” to see this dude for the trouble he is.

I was in a relationship with an abusive alcoholic. He was great when he was sober…but that wasn’t often enough. Eventually I realized I couldn’t keep making excuses for him. I’d asked him to stop and he’d try for a while and then go back to status quo. I realized he’s NOT going to change…and I had to decide “is this the way I want to live the rest of my life?” The answer was NO!

It was hard to break up, though. It’s almost always hard…especially after that many years together…but it was THE BEST thing I ever did for myself. I am 100X happier now than I was…it was like a weight lifted off my shoulders. I found a great dude who doesn’t belittle me or make me question my value…and I deserved that. I guess the ex is now in AA, which is great. I’m happy for him, I hope that he makes it because I know that’s hard to beat…I hope he finds his own happines…I’m just glad it won’t include me.

Post # 7
Member
2441 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

You are so fortunate to have awakened before the wedding!  I post this all the time. What you see is what you get!  It won’t change.  BTW a nice person does not get furious when you become upset.  A nice person is not disrespectful to his SO.  IMO you would be very wise break things off or at a very minimum take a break away from him and postpone the nuptials.  

Post # 9
Member
645 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2011

A broken engagement is better than a divorce. One of my cousins had an “aha” moment the week before the wedding but walked down the aisle anyway. Needless to say, she’s divorced. Her parents have said again and again that they would happily have paid for the entire wedding NOT to happen just so she didn’t have to go through all of it.

Post # 12
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@cp76: did you write a similar post a few days ago and allowed us all to read the letter you wrote to him?

 

Either way, I would walk away from this. There is nothing good coming from anyone having a rage/anger issue.

Post # 13
Member
411 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: January 2011

If you’re even considering trying to make this work, PLEASE go to therapy. Him, you, and together. I think it’s all necessary and important.

Post # 14
Member
1684 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@cp76:

The answer is right there in your post. I’m so sorry, but you deserve so much better than that. You’ve given him seven years to become the man you deserve; you don’t owe him anything. You owe yourself happiness.

Post # 16
Member
1087 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

View original reply
@cp76: gotcha there was just a similar situation then. But dont worry about him and what he is going to do…the question is how do you feel and felt? What is in the best interest for you

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