(Closed) Need advise from the married bees here!

posted 7 years ago in Emotional
Post # 17
Member
1149 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: September 2013 - Ontario, Canada

As many other pp’s have said, communication is super important. I wouls also say never get lazy in you relationship and take each other for granted. We always have a good night and a good bye kiss at the end and start of the day, and we say thank you for the little things like making dinner, picking up my dry cleaning, making a cup of tea etc. Keep showung each other love, respect and appreciation. Our officiant put it pretty well ” remember that your partner is your main treasure in life and if you put your relationship at the top of your priority list, and treasure it, then you will remain happy together for the rest of your lives”. 

 

As for for port wedding blues, I haven’t really had that. I loved our wedding but I love our marriage even more 🙂 I love my everyday life with my husband. Sappy I know, but true! 

Post # 18
Member
1845 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

After our wedding, our life didn’t change much (we already lived together, had a child, etc).. So it was just back to normal life.

We had our wonderful honeymoon which was the first time we had been away from our son for a week+ which was FANTASTIC for us a couple. Actually, it has felt like we’ve been on our honeymoon since the wedding, there’s still excitement and joy at calling each other “husband and wife”. 

Once we got back into our normal routine I took up a few new hobbies (to replace what I had been doing to prepare for the wedding). We also sat down and made a list of all the projects we wanted to accomplish in our house over the winter. These give us things to look forward too/accomplish. 

I think it’s important to always be looking forward, so we started to set our retirement plans in a more concrete way.. We’ve started planning future vacations, we plan date nights (to keep to spark alive). 

Basically not much has changed, just keep moving forward.

Post # 19
Member
3723 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2014

@katherin788:  I’m talking to a therapist about a different subject BUT my impending nuptials do come up. Her best advice and the advice I’m buying into is to talk about the difficult, awkward, uncomfortable subjects NOW. She sees most marriages ending over sex or money so have those weird convos now.

Get weeeeeeeeeeeeird.

Post # 20
Member
965 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

It’s all really good advice…… My first piece of advice is to start your DE-STRESS prcoess as it relates to your wedding and all of the parties, because trust me, as perfect as you want the day to be there will be some imperfections.  My hubby and I agreed that no matter what happened that day, who did what or who didnt, we were going to be happy because at the end of the day it was about he and I.  To be very honest with you, I couldnt even tell you everything that occured because I was on cloud 9 that day… so even walking down isle, I couldnt see who was in the pews because I was focused on what was ahead of me and that was my groom.

 

I have been married now for three weeks going into the fourth and it has been totally amazing.  talking is key and figuring out how you are going to do things.  My biggest piece of advise is KEEP EVERYONE OUT OF YOUR BUSINESS… Everyone has an opinion on what you should or shouldnt do it and how you should do it… those decisions should be made by you and your husband.

 

 

Post # 21
Member
951 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

View original reply
@This Time Round:  +1000

 

I can not imagine not having had our honeymoon. We needed it on such a profound level I can’t put it into words, but TTR did a great job. The wedding planning will be over, the wedding itself will fly by – and you will be left wondering what you could have done differently, if everyone enjoyed themselves, what to do with all of the parts and pieces and wanting to call/write everyone you love and rehash every detail. You need a nice long pause before this happens. 

I think that an all-inclusive honeymoon was the smartest thing I planned in the whole process. Finally not having to worry about what things cost was the biggest relief and allowed us maximum relaxation. We were free birds to do everything or nothing at all and just enjoy each other’s likes and interests without trying to even the “paying” field.

After the wedding I haven’t felt this depression that you hear of. I’m not sure where that comes from because I was DIYing and planning hardcore for 19 months. The three days before the wedding were the most stressful days of my entire life, I thought my head was going to explode. I haven’t felt the least bit depressed.. if anything I’ve been excited to dig into new things like finally furnishing our apartment, changing my name and documents, and attending holidays and events as a married couple. We have been basking in the glow of it all since about a week before. It’s an amazing feeling to know that my dreams have come true, that I’ve had luck beyond reason, that so many people are cheering us on. Simply amazing.

Post # 22
Member
6112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

@katherin788:  We actually did not have any parties – no eparty, no bach party, no shower – NOTHING!  We were planning a wedding, then my dad was dying and then we cancelled the wedding so I could focus on flying home.

 

We later just had a private destination wedding because we were just wanting to get on with life.  No worrying about table linens, guest list, nothing, we just got married after such a long engagement and deaing with the death of my father.

 

What is next?  Well I say LIFE!  Enjoy not having to run around and spend so much money!  Enjoy the person you just got married to.  Enjoy daily life, cooking dinner, snuggling on the couch, talkin about life plans, planning vacations.

 

“talk about the difficult, awkward, uncomfortable subjects NOW

Um yes!  I recommend doing this before you even get engaged actually!  But if you have not yet (eeep!), then do it now!
 
 
Try to make the other believe they got the best end of the deal (which goes along with putting them first idea).  Keep in mind that you are each other’s #1 supporter.  You have to have each other’s backs all the time.  You two are going to grow and change – you probably won’t be the same person in 10 years.  You’ll have to be flexible, you’ll still get thrown surprises, each will grow or maybe even regress  – you just have to stick by that person.

Post # 23
Member
4845 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

It’s like a big sigh of relief. Now we can just relax and be with each other. We both felt a bit of post wedding blues just from the fun being over, but then it started to sink in. 

On the day of the wedding, make a concious decision that the little things don’t matter. Napkins the wrong colour? Oh well. Just relax and pretend it’s just the two of you. 

Look UP at him while you walk down the isle. Don’t hold your flowers too high and when you toss the bouquet, it’s more back than up. 

 

Post # 24
Member
9124 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
  • Wedding: August 2013 - Rocky Mountains USA

I would say one of the best things we’ve done that has improved our decade+ long relationship is to consistently work to remember that you love your spouse more than you love winning an argument or you love feeling self-righteous about something they’re doing wrong.  It’s easy to fall into a bickering, resentful pattern if you don’t.

Post # 25
Member
6112 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: August 2012

PS – if you like planning things, as I do, you can plan fundraisers for non-profit groups! 

 

I just put on a $19k fundrasier for my local animal rescue – 100% of proceeds went towards puppies and kittens! 

 

That reminds me, volunteer together in your spare time!

Post # 26
Member
12244 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: May 2013

I got knocked up on the honeymoon! (On purpose)

Man, I thought our wedding was a big deal. That was fluffy fun compared to preparing for our first child! This is surprisingly terrifying. And I wasn’t expecting it to be, since my career is in infant care!

We’ve learned that planning a move while pregnant is a minor nightmare. So get your housing set up before you TTC!

Post # 28
Member
2116 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2013

katherin788

 

After the wedding. like someone said earlier. it was a huge relief. we got married in may (honeymoon is in feb) and it was a different situation then most since DH’s job requires him out on the ocean all summer. He comes back here and there but finally came back for a good amount at the end of sept. thank god! and its been great since!! no i can finally say married life is great! natural instint to nest kicked in when we moved into a new place then. but for us.

 

Communication!! i tell him everything. big, little, worries, hopes, i talk a lot though. prob more than he would like but i love it.  i think its important to keep that bridge open. If we didnt talk as much as we do now, there would be so many things i would have never guessed he felt or thought. it really gives you a sense of understanding of who youre married too.

 

you are Partners! no one is in charge. dont be his mother. i mean guys do need a push but i see some relationships out there and you can tell they are in a dictatorship. thats not healthy but easy to fall into. Admit when you are wrong!! give him compliments too. men like to be told they are pretty too. they have insecureities like another other person. build up his confidence.

 

Hang out with your friends!! Some married friends relationships have fizzled because they cant do anything without each other. that gets boring after years or the same thing. then you realize your friends have made different friends. make sure you have your own life because it will make your relationship with your DH so much better.

 

Also my fav. thing. the tens (i think thats what is it) . i think i learned this on the bee. when some things happens. will it matter that much in 10 mins, 10 days, 10 months, ten years. this has helped me with some of the little things i find myself flipping about. gosh in one year will this matter. hell no. i wont even remember i cared so much about where this was put.

 

Idk but for me. i never deny my DH sex. I think its kind of mean for people to tell theyre spouses no. if youre not in the mood, you will be. hehe. at least i always am once we start. too tired, eh give him some lazy sex then lol. im sure most people dont feel this way but i never leave my DH hanging or in need. and he doesnt do that with me either. take care of each other and remember that sex is important. Date nights are important. go out and eat if you find that youve been ordering take out instead for months.start going to racketball or something together. I read some where that when you hug some one for a certain amount of seconds ( like 15) it mentally creates a stronger bond between you two. so i make a point to give him a long hugs and to kiss him every time he leaves for work.

 

But for me its much easier being married then it was to get married. lol  things fell apart during my wedding. the music got jacked up. family was late to reception. this and that. but remember that if you two come out of it married, everything is perfect!  also i never go to bed angry. never have. just cant sleep he can….but i never let him till we work it out lol.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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