(Closed) need an opinion- breaking the vow of engagement silence?!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
  • poll: Should I bring up the ring, only to set my expectations clear?
    Yes, make your expectations clear, and then leave it alone : (36 votes)
    57 %
    Wait until after summer (the estimated engagement time) and if theres still no ring, mention it then : (17 votes)
    27 %
    Mouth zipped until he pops the question : (10 votes)
    16 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    2496 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: January 1991

    I would say something, but just bring it up casually and quickly, then drop the subject again.  Casually say something like, “Babe, for future reference, WHENEVER you need this info, this is the style of ring that I am thinking about and don’t feel like you need to spend a lot of money.” 

    Emphasize how you are just informing (not nagging haha) and then just drop it.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend usually responds really well to this.  I think what guys dislike is when we broach the subject sounding like we’re whining and complaining or guilting them into proposing.  And I know that’s not your intention!!  Make sure he knows that too! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Post # 4
    Member
    1927 posts
    Buzzing bee

    I would say something in a round about way.  Try to keep your eye out for big rings on other people and then say something to your boyfriend like “I don’t know why someone would spend so much money to get a big diamond like that.. just seems like a silly waste to me”.. then you are making a general comment and not nagging him about your ring specifically.

    Post # 5
    Member
    1426 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: December 1969

    I like piglet’s suggestion.  Something really short, not a whole conversation, and don’t even mention the immediate financial context.  Just “Hey honey, I just wanted you to know, I’m perfectly fine with whatever you’re comfortable spending.  I think a small delicate ring would be perfect, so you don’t need to worry about getting me something fancy.” Then just let it go…

    Post # 6
    Member
    1729 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    I would say something like what Moose suggested. I personally would feel awkward just bringing it up like, “Hey by the way I don’t need a big ring” so blatantly.

    Post # 8
    Member
    2410 posts
    Buzzing bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    If you don’t want him to fell like you are bringing it up in a roundabout way to pressure him into doing it sooner than he might intend, I would go with Moose1209’s suggestion.

    Post # 10
    Member
    1280 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Say something but don’t be direct. Or leave up browser history with rings in the price range you want if you live together. That way he will know he doesn’t need to be delayed by finances because you want the engagement more than waiting for an expensive ring. Click on a few options if its computer. If not then mention how a friend pressured her man for a big expensive rock and you justthink that’s so unessesary and will only delay things for her. ๐Ÿ˜‰ then go back to ninja silence! good luck

    Post # 11
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee

    I had the same issue as you a few months ago, when I was worried that my Boyfriend or Best Friend thought that I wanted a really expensive ring which would require him to save up for months and months. Following advice from the girls here, I decided to bring it up by mentioning a friend’s ring. The conversation went something like this:

    “I spoke to my friend M today about her upcoming wedding, and she told me that her fiance spent 3000 dollars on her engagement ring. In my opinion that’s excessive and unnecessary. Just so you know it, when you decide that the time is right to propose to me, I don’t want you to buy me an expensive ring. We both have other financial priorities, and the ring is not the important thing anyway”. He responded quite well to this, so a few weeks later I showed him a picture of ring that I absolutely love, that only costs 500 pounds here in the UK. I also made sure to tell him that I am not expecting a proposal from him anytime soon.

    Still no proposal, but he recently said that the proposal is coming, and that I just need to be patient. I think having a ring conversation like the one I had is worth it, at least it will put your mind at ease, and your guy will know that buying a ring for you doesn’t need to be a big financial burden.

    Post # 13
    Member
    1280 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: May 2011

    Awww! Well that’s a good response he had. Sounds like he definately intends to marry you and now he knows your expectations are reasonable. Try to hold your tounge till after July. Best of luck!!!

    Post # 14
    Member
    485 posts
    Helper bee

    Glad to hear it went well ๐Ÿ™‚ You probably don’t have to worry about him being silent. It seems that he is serious about this, so just try to be patient while waiting for him to ask. I know that can be hard at times though!

    Post # 15
    Member
    814 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: June 2010

    waiting does suck, my fh bought my ring 11 months before he proposed! ugh but good job on the, ‘by the way no pressure just though i’d throw that in there’ approach!

    Post # 16
    Member
    58 posts
    Worker bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I think you should tell your future Fiance your expectations. Before my Fiance and I got engaged we had a very casual conversation about my ring. I told him I didn’t care if it was big or small expensive or cheap…I told him the only thing I didn’t want was a diamond and when he finally proposed I got what I wanted a blue sapphire princess cut ring and I love it!

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