Post # 1
I am having a dilemma with what I should do about wedding invitations! I will try to make this short-I am not close to my step-father, never have been, I call him by his first name. His family however, has always treated me as an equal to my 2 younger half-brothers. My mother passed away at a young age, 9yrs ago, and despite living in the same town, I have spoken to my step-father only a couple of times since then. He was not a good husband to my mother, and he was the reason I moved out of my house when I was 16yrs old. I strongly feel that I don’t want to invite him, or my two half-brothers, one of them because I am afraid he would start some sort of altercation, and I hardly speak to either of them. My step-father wouldn’t cause a scene (I don’t believe), but it would be EXTREMELY awkward having him there, and he’s very odd. I would however, like to invite my grandmother, 2 aunts and 2 uncles, all from his side of the family. I have had some people tell me this is accetable and understandable, and others who disagree. Any suggestions?? Thank you!
Post # 3
Only you know the dynamics on that side of the family. The situation with my SO’s side of the family is terrible, so I understand the overall dilemma. We will not be inviting several members of one side of his family (his parents are divorced), but this means that we will also not be inviting the grandparents, aunts, uncles, and so on on that side. It would be strange to “skip a generation” with the invitations.
That said, it is your wedding. You and your fiance have to make this decision together, based on what will be best for you and for the wedding. No one will fully understand the situation, and some might disagree so you need to be prepared to stand by your decision without having to explain everything every time.
Post # 4
- Wedding: January 2013 - Harbourfront Grand Hall
Don’t invite step-father or brothers, ESPECIALLY if you think they’ll cause problems! Invite who you want, sounds like you should include grandmother, aunts and uncles.
Post # 5
I totally agree with GoddessDivine. I am a firm proponent of doing what makes you and your significant other happy on your wedding day. Unless your stepdad is paying for the wedding, it’s your right not to invite him. His family treats you well and they’re special to you. Invite them, and to heck with what anyone else thinks. Just be prepared for the etiquette police to come down on you. Good luck!
Post # 6
@missdawn: I’m going to set aside any etiquette guidelines that would apply to your situation, since I do not know for certain what the proper answers would be.
However, my own thoughts regarding this are that, if you are close enough to your stepfather’s parents to consider them to be your grandparents, and you’re close enough to his siblings/siblings-in-law to consider them to be your aunts and uncles — and you truly want to have them at your wedding, I would recommend that you contacting the person on this side of the family with whom you are the closest and have an honest discussion with him or her regarding how you’re feeling and why. Perhaps that person could offer you some guidance as to how your proposed plans would be received.
Post # 7
Thanks for the extra advice, it helps me make my decision in confidence