Post # 1
Hi bees! I am not having any bridesmaids, it is just going to be my sister as my maid of honor. I have already addressed this with my close friends, and they seemed mostly happy for me and weren’t upset that they wouldn’t get to be bridesmaids (we are all turning 30 this year, I think we’re all mostly over the bridal party thing).
They DO want to do a bachelorette party though, and I’m not sure how to go about planning it. I know the maid of honor and bridesmaids are supposed to plan it, but my sister is super busy with her job this month and she doesn’t know my friends as well as I do. As my younger sister, I also kind of want to “protect” her by not asking her to do too much! Is it appropriate for me to take on the brunt of the planning, or should I ask my friends and sister do it?
Also, I really want to keep things reasonable for people, but I live in NYC where a “local” weekend is bound to get just as expensive as any other trip. 2 of my close friends would have to fly in from the west coast. Do you have any ideas for fun destinations that are a reasonable flight price from both NYC and SF?
Post # 2
Are all your other friends in NYC? If so I’d do something there and see if people or you could put your SF friends up for a weekend.
there is no rule that says you can’t plan your hen do. But chat to your friends, they might want to help you plan it even without being called bridesmaids.
Post # 3
I’d let your friends plan it so they can decide on a budget and where to go. I was in a wedding with a younger sister as Maid/Matron of Honor and we (the friends) planned the bachelorette party. It was just easier. We included the Maid/Matron of Honor in the planning and she bought the decorations, we took care of everything else.
Post # 4
None of those options are appropriate.
If someone has offered to host/throw a party in your honor, at most you can go back to that person and say “Let me know if there is anything I can do to he helpful or if you need contact info for the people who will be invited.”
And then you back off.
Lots of people live busy lives and multitask. Your sister will be just fine. She can ask for assistance from you or anyone else if she needs it without you running interference for her. If she offers and brings it up, you can mention your friends were really excited and maybe they would be interested in helping her out if she needs it.
And for that matter, she doesn’t have to be the one to throw it. There is no hard and fast rule that it has to be the bridal party. If your friends want a bachelorette party that badly for you, they are well within their rights to step up and offer to throw you one.
But the key is people offer. You don’t get to tell/ask people to throw parties in your honor nor plan yourself a party in your honor.
Post # 5
SOme people on here are so anal….
I think it’s fine to plan your own party, I highly doubt your friends are going to be offended especially when they want to celebrate you!
I too did not have a bridal party, but my friends were insistent that we go away for a weekend to celebrate anyways. My sister and I had figured out a location, I asked my friends their budget, started the group text and then my sister kind of took over once we got the big stuff figured out together. They basically had a seperate text going figuring out decorations, booze, a spot for dinner, games, etc.
Sorry I dont have any locations to suggest, but maybe start a group chat and see what your friends think!
Post # 6
People aren’t anal just because they have a different opinion. No need to call names just because you disagree.
We were all raised with different standards of etiquette. Although in your world, it may be fine to plan a party in your own honor, in mine it’s not.
OP, I suggest you do some quiet investigation to see what the reaction would be, what the standards of etiquette are, where you live. If it’s acceptable for you to plan a party in your own honor, and incur costs for your friends whilst doing so, go right ahead. Just be sure to check in with the ones you plan to invite to see what their budgets are.
I would however, make it clear to the west coast friends that you do not expect them to attend. Flying across the country to attend a party, when they are already going to have significant expenses to attend your wedding, is a bit much of an ask.
Post # 8
I am having a large bridal party but no Maid/Matron of Honor. I kicked off planning for my own bachelorette party and it was the best idea!! I picked the airbnb myself…and then I sent the e-mail to everyone. From there, the type A’s in my group naturally took charge and they’ve been coordinating details about who’s bringing what, decorations, etc. I’m happy I did it this way because I got to break the ice with a group of girls by introducing them digitally, as I’m the common link.
As a side note, my future SIL is getting married this year also, has her younger sister as Maid/Matron of Honor with no other bridesmaids…and her younger sister dropped the ball on planning. She wasn’t comfortable because she didn’t know her sister’s friends and was too busy. My future SIL ended up starting the e-mail thread like I did, and we all took it over from there as a group. So if you have any doubts that your sister has the time…you might want to step in.
This is a biased suggestion because that’s what I’m doing…but if you want to keep it somewhat local…how about looking for a house upstate? You can find something near the Hudson line. Our house is huge with an indoor pool, bocce court, pool table, fire pit, and walking distance to the local bars. The weekend is only going to be about $300/pp for housing/food/booze at the house before any night-out costs.
Post # 8
Thanks all for your advice. I am going to lead off the planning because it seems that will be easiest for everyone. I plan on coming up with a few different options within the girls’ budgets and ask them to weigh in or vote on what they want to do.
Post # 9
Honestly, if your friends want to have a bachelorette party, they should be planning it.
Because my friends were scattered all over the country, I didn’t want to plan a separate event and all the added expense. My friends decided to fly in Thursday of the wedding weekend and have a chill girls night out before the Saturday wedding.
Post # 10
- Wedding: June 2019 - City, State
I do not think anything is wrong with you helping plan. I helped plan my own with my friends. In fact it gives them a better idea because you can directly state what you wanna do. Also keep in mind that you do not have to do a traditional trip. I kept mine to just a day of memorable activities rather than a weekend trip.
Good luck. Have fun.