(Closed) need bee advice. how long did it take you to become comfortable infront of SO?

posted 7 years ago in Relationships
Post # 3
Member
2755 posts
Sugar bee

Is most of the time you spend together “down time”? By which I mean cuddling, spending a lot of time by yourselves not doing much, etc. Because that puts pressure on you and makes you more aware of what you’re doing, and if you’re nervous then you’re potentially going to shut down. Why not try to do activities together, like bowling, so that you don’t have a chance to get too quiet? Playing competitively against one another can help to bring out the “real” you and make you more comfortable with him.

You can also try playing a fun, simple game like “would you rather” with weird situations to get the two of you talking.

Post # 5
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

We were in a LDR pre-marriage as well, and I can totally relate to how weird it feels to only see each other for a small portion of the year. I never felt like I wasn’t myself around him though… it was like we just picked up where we had left off every time we saw each other. We were (non long distance) best friends though for years before we dated, so that might have something to do with it.

I remember before we got married I was a little worried that things would change when we lived together. When you’re dating long distance, every time you get to be together is exciting and fun and you make the most of it and do fun things, and make out a a lot and you’re just SO HAPPY for that time that you have together. I was worried that when we were together all the time, it would be less exciting and less fun and we’d be boring or something.

It is less exciting in some ways (it’s hard to be as happy to see him when I get home from work as I was when I got off a plane after not seeing him for two months), but it’s so much better. It’s real, and we’re not constantly saying goodbye, and sometimes we actually get to fly in a plane together! 🙂 I love it. I was worried about absolutely nothing. 

Don’t worry – if you’re normally a happy, bubbly person, I’m sure you’ll continue to be that way after you get married. It’s normal to just want to cuddle and take it all in when you do have that precious time together. 

Post # 7
Member
730 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: June 2010

@Mrsgurzakovic:After reading your reply, are you worried because you can’t comfortably have an in-person conversation with your FI? Because if you can’t, that’s definitely something you need to work out before the wedding. Once you’re married, you need to be able to openly communicate and discuss tough things in addition to regular everyday things… if you can’t even comfortably talk about BBQ food, then you’re going to be really uncomfortable talking about finances or household chores and responsibilities. 

Maybe you should look into trying to spend some more in-person time together before the wedding. I’d bet quality time would do wonders to make you more comfortable and get rid of your fears.

Post # 9
Member
228 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: April 2011

My hubby and I were long distance too before we were married, so I will say that you can expect and adjustment period once you are married. 

My hubby and I can both have introvert tendencies. I remember at the beginning of the relationship I was always stressing about keeping the conversation going. But now, some years later, I really like the times when we just hang out and don’t feel the need to talk much. So unless you think your Fiance is wanting more banter all the time, maybe you don’t have anything to worry about! Sometimes there is more to say, and sometimes less. 

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