Post # 1
Hi, my fiance just told me that my maid of honor reached out to him with a secret. One of my bridesmaids is completely unable to contribute financially towards my shower and so my fiance agreed to pay her portion. This bridesmaid is a close friend but as she has been unemployed for awhile, I knew that she would have financial difficulty managing the role from the beginning. She asked me to be in the wedding and my fiance really pulled for her which is why I asked her.
Knowing of the bridesmaids financial constraints, I purposely trimmed my guest list before giving it to my maid of honor and told her that I wanted something small and intimate. I figured that even with no money they could put together a shower in someone’s home and the bridesmaids could just bring food they prepared. Apparently they are going for something bigger. It seems odd to me that when all is said and done, money will be coming out of my household to pay for my shower which is apparently not affordable for the hosts. I think that I would be appreciative for any event my friends throw because they are doing it for me. What do you think?
Post # 3
Oooh. That’s sticky. Depending on how much money it is, I would grin and bear it. If it’s an amount that would kind of hurt you guys, I might consider talking to your Maid/Matron of Honor about an alternative solution. Here are some things to consider:
1. The Bridesmaid or Best Man probably just wants to be supportive and stand by you on your big day. That should make you smile!
2. Money is money. Friends are really valuable.
3. Those two things being the case, follow your gut. If you sense she is manipulating the situation, call her on it nicely, or ask Maid/Matron of Honor how to handle it.
I hope that helps!
Post # 4
Is your Fiance uncomfortable having been asked?
I’m kind of one of those people who wouldn’t mind chipping in for whatever party, just so it would be awesome. BUT I’m not real big on 1) following formal etiquette rules 2) being treated like some kinda princess just because I’m getting married.
Sounds like they wanna give you a great party; why not let them?
Post # 5
Maybe this is how they feel it “should” be done and that you’re only offering a simple party to be…polite?
In some circles, an at-home, potlucked bridal shower is almost unheard of. After hearing about elaborate ones online, I was surprised to find that around here, most showers ARE thrown in in someone’s home!
Just make sure the bachelorette party doesn’t get out of hand. I mean, if they want to throw you a nice shower…how much money could it possibly cost between all the bridesmaids and your FI? $20? $50? When it’s all said and done, I doubt it’ll be anything grossly expensive
Post # 6
What a sticky situation. Is it breaking the bank for you guys to help out? I’m not so sure that was even the MOH’s intention is bringing it up … perhaps Fiance just offered? Maybe your friends just want to see you have the party you deserve. And they seem like great, well-intentioned friends … so if it’s not causing a hardship … I think this is one thing I might just let go.
Post # 7
Thanks for your advice. What I ended up doing is calling one of my best friends for advice, who was originally supposed to be in the wedding, but can’t due to scheduling. The unemployed bridesmaid is actually her replacement. I asked my friend to call the Maid/Matron of Honor (they know each other) under the guise of feeling bad that she isn’t as involved as she would like to be in order to give the Maid/Matron of Honor some more guidance about how to make the shower fun but less taxing. I think that the Maid/Matron of Honor is trying to make this a big thing because I shelled out a lot of cash for her destination wedding which was out of the country. Considering the economic climate and my knowledge of my attendants personal situations, I really don’t want them to feel that they have to spend a lot to feed and entertain people for the shower. If anything, they should go all out for the bachelorette party, at least everyone attending will be paying for that equally.
Post # 8
For the most part, I’d say let it pass. I’m wondering if the Bm with $ issues, is trying to go with the flow of wha others want, not trying to be difficult. Perhaps she got in over her eads and with so much already planned, doesn’t want to rock the boat at this point. She might also be embarassed to come forth with “I don’t have the money.” And sometimes people can be judgy, like, “You knew about this. Why didn’t you save more money.?”
I’m sure there were some ways for this to have been avoided, but what’s done is done. Unless this is an upsurd amount of money, or you truly think this Bridesmaid or Best Man is bluffing, I wouldn’t do anything. It also sounds like, you aren’t supposedto know about it, since they went to your Fiance. (Like, we’re trying to keep kaanai in the dark about her shower.) So they might be even more disappointed if you brought it up, since that would mean you know.