(Closed) need bridesmaid help!!!

posted 8 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Well I’m a bit unclear as to how entrenched this all is.  In general I think if you ask someone to be a Bridesmaid or Best Man, you can’t just unask them, unless they really have made some big mistakes. 

On the one hand, you asked them probably earlier than you should have.  That one is  on you.  Then when they asked a few months ago (totally OK in my book, since you asked them in the first place) you again, said yes.  This to me says you should suck it up and have them.  Sure they haven’t exactly been on top of communicating about the wedding.  But everyone has lives.  They might be waiting for you to let them know what’s next.  They did ask about your hen party.  I don’t think that’s wrong.  They seem to be taking that on as a Bridesmaid or Best Man responsibility.   (And if they are from Out of Town, that’s an even bigger effort.)  Also, the friend being on your FI’s side, isn’t really about them.

On the other hand, you don’t have their dresses etc., yet.  So at least that is not part of the mess, yet.  Do you have an idea how they’d take it if you told them the truth?  You could say you are trying to plan this in a few short months, and therefore, trying to simplify things as much as possible.  If they are laid back, maybe it would be OK.  But if you felt they were laid back, maybe you wouldn’t be posting the thread.

Ultimately, if their friendship is important to you, I think you should just keep them.   Particularly since you confirmed them being in your Bridal Party, twice.  You aren’t the first bride to regret her Bridesmaid or Best Man choices.  But sometimes it’s better to live with those choices.

Post # 5
2641 posts
Sugar bee

Hmm.  That could be an idea.  The only time I’ve heard something like that ,is when the venue is too small to accomodate the whole Bridal Party standing at once.  Could your Fiance make both of his Gms, “best men”?  Then you could say, that only honor attendants will stand during the ceremony.

The rule of thumb is about 1 attendant (I believe that’s to mean one bridesmaid and one groomsman) for about every 50 guests.  But that is just a guide.  You can do what you want.  I do agree that for 60 guests, having a Bridal Party that large seems a bit lopsided.  BUt it’s not a huge deal.

Well if your wedding planning has completely changed, I could see just having an honest discussion with the other girls.  I might explain to them that your plans are different and you’re having a much smaller wedding than originally planned.  Since you’re trying to get this planned in such a short period, you could emphasize that you just don’t have the time to coordinate everything with a large Bridal Party.

But if this is going to really ruffle feathers. I would just keep them, have them sit during the ceremony, and have them pair off with themselves for the processional/recessional.  So something like:



MOH/best man

MOH/best man


Post # 6
256 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I would have to say that I don’t think you can “un-ask” them at this point. I made a similar mistake when I first got engaged. Not with my bridal party but with my guests. I told everyone they were invited. Two years later I started to kick myself but luckily it worked out for me because we’re doing a destination wedding and many people are unable to attend.

Where you already told them you wanted them to be in the wedding and then confirmed it again, I would say they have to be in the wedding. If you do choose to “un-ask” them then I would say to be prepared that you may ruin and end those friendships. If that doesn’t bother you much then do what you feel will make you most happy on your day. Good  Luck


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