Need confirmation that I did the right thing by breaking up with him

posted 1 year ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
752 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: City, State

I definitely think you did the right thing hun. Unfortunately I think you were a rebound for him, hence the pulling away now. You’re definitely better off drama free. It’s easy for me to say “well you shouldn’t have got involved with a man whose not divorced in the first place”  But we both know life isn’t that black and white. You liked this man, you saw a future with this man and he has let you down. I’m sorry it didn’t work hun but you did the rjob got thing.

Post # 3
Member
1644 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: October 2018

Not only were you rebound girl you were tool girl.  A tool used to hurt a certain ex and make her crazy.  Yeah you were right to peace out of this shit show.

Post # 4
Member
6659 posts
Bee Keeper

You were only together for two months and you spent enough time with his children to care for them? What kind of guy introduces his children to someone they’ve just met while still living with their mother? 

This guy couldn’t even make it through eight weeks being nice to you and look at how he treated the mother of his children (and his children). Be happy that he is no longer in your life. And beware of men who say they are “separated” online. Many of them aren’t separated at all. 

Post # 5
Member
201 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

I agree that you were right to end things.  Don’t feel bad that you were used to make his ex crazy.  I doubt that is the case if you met his parents, friends, etc.  We obviously know nothing about why they were getting divorced.  Maybe she was a raging alcoholic, cheated on him, or something and not the victim in this (I’m sure you have heard his side of it though).  It does sound like he liked you but got in too serious way too early and was rebounding.

He probably was starting to feel the same as you – that he had too much on the go, needed to focus on getting the divorce finalized without hurting his kids any more, etc., which if why he was pulling away.  The mature response to that would have been to have a talk with you about it instead of just pulling away, but this guy has probably not dated in a LONG time if his eldest child is 7 years old.   

Post # 6
Member
4497 posts
Honey bee

I only read the first two paragraphs and then skimmed because from the get go that was a situation you never should have even started.  So yes, ending something you never should have gotten into in the first place was the right move.  

He has kids and isn’t even divorced yet?  Don’t start.  Then you find out he wasn’t honest about his living situation and state of his marriage?  Do not continue.  Before even reading anymore, the first thoughts in my head were “How can you respect a guy who doesn’t even respect his kids enough to finalize his messy divorce before parading new girlfriends around when he still lives with them and his wife?”  Which means either he doesn’t care about how any of this affects them (kids who probably see mommy and daddy as together since they are still in the same house) and/or he is just looking for a fling so he can get laid on the reg.  And then the final nail is the last two or three weeks he was distant.  Of your 8 week relationship.  Which means you had 5 decent weeks.  I literally have had a longer relationship with the carton of milk in my refrigerator right now.  Nearly half the weeks he hasn’t acted like a boyfriend and you’ve had persistent drama.  It shouldn’t be that hard only 8 weeks in.

Post # 10
Member
10697 posts
Sugar Beekeeper
  • Wedding: City, State

beethree :  

I did a little research on this and the stats I found indicated that 50% of the people using dating sites are in a relationship.

10% are sex offenders.

clearbee :  You were the Transition Girl.  I’m side eyeing him more for dragging his kids into this sordid mess than for shacking up with his ex.  She’s an adult, she can figure out where she wants to be.  The kids are just innocent hostages.  It sounds like he uses them for date bait.

Bee, let go of the notion that you are required to give people second chances.  No, you’re not.  Once someone reveals themselves to be of less than stellar character, you are not morally bound to give him another opportunity to show you how screwed up he is.

This is fallout from the brainwashing to which we women are all subjected which mandates that we always be nice.  Women die of niceness every day.

Post # 11
Member
6812 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: April 2016

sassy411 :  50%!?!? Sorry to thread jack but that is crazy!

OP, you did the right thing and it sounds like you know it. You sound like a smart lady. Take this as a learning experience for next time.

Post # 12
Member
3048 posts
Sugar bee

sassy411 :  “This is fallout from the brainwashing to which we women are all subjected which mandates that we always be nice.  Women die of niceness every day.”

Agree and will add that women are also conditioned to have a savior complex: to “save” their partners from their own stupidity, selfishness, bad habits, and shortcomings. All in the name of “love”.

Post # 13
Member
462 posts
Helper bee

Out of 2 months you’ve been seeing this guy, he’s been “pulling away” for 3 weeks?  AND he managed to introduce you to his children AND his parents in the remaining 5 weeks?  AND he continues to live under the same roof with his wife, but communicates with her thru a lawyer?..

Run from this dumpster fire.  Run fast, don’t look back.

Post # 15
Member
4093 posts
Honey bee

clearbee :  You don’t need any confirmation from anyone. You know the answer to this one already.

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