(Closed) Need encouragement ladies to ask for a timeline

posted 6 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

It sounds like you’ve thought this out very well. I think it’s reasonable for you to ask for a timeline, just try to keep it relaxed, like you said: “how and when do you see our lives changing over the next 5 years” versus pulling out a calendar “I need to know the exact dates we will be engaged, married, and having our first child”. 

The most important thing to remember is to try to stay calm throughout the conversation–if you get highly emotional and tense, he’s probably going to respond the same way. Remember that this guy loves you and wants to be with you, and the rest is just details. And good luck! 

Post # 4
Member
121 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2013

I think you’ve got a good plan – doing it in a relatively non-confrontational way, in a private space. It is a very reasonable conversation to have after 15 months and with where you both are at in life. And remember – it’s a conversation! You’re not just completely at his mercy to give you what you want. You want to hear his thoughts, but I would encourage you to share yours too.

Good luck and update us! I bet it will go well based on the information you’ve shared here.

Post # 5
Member
1166 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think you are spot on with your decision. It’s important to have at least some sort of timeline and I don’t think it’s unreasonable. I know it can be a slightly awkward conversation to have but it sounds like you’ve thought it through and you know what you’d like to say. 

Take a deep breath, stay calm and explain things in a rational manner to him. I think you’ll be surprised at the result. 

Good luck!

Post # 6
Member
3720 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

I think the way you have approached it is fine. Our timeline talk came out in a conversation about my now-FI’s nephews. I asked if he wanted 5 boys (heck no). Then we talked about children and when he would want them. He thought he did but wasn’t so sure on the timeline, he wanted to be married for at least a year before trying and wouldn’t get married until we had been together for about 3 years. He wasn’t sure where engagement fell in there (sometime between 1 1/2 and 2).

I said I wanted at least two kids, up to 4, and would not have any after 35. That meant I had to start trying at 30  to give us enough time. I also wanted to have two years from marriage and baby coming to pay off my school loans and get a house. That would mean being married by 28 and engaged by 27 at the latest, but if we got engaged at 26 and married at 27 that would just give us extra time to get set for the next chapter.

Working backwards helped us out. We thought about when we wanted kids, a house, debt paid off, and then at the end we talked about engagement. 

 

Post # 9
Member
807 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2013

Yaaaaaay that is awesome! I’m so happy the conversation went so well and I love that you were using crayons lol. 

Post # 10
Member
14 posts
Newbee

@MsYankee:  Hahaha!  I love that you were having an adult conversation while at the same time drawing pictures with crayons on a tablecloth!  lol

It sounds like you two are on the path to a bright, happy future. Congratulations!!

 

Post # 11
Member
1088 posts
Bumble bee

That was great!  I’m glad to hear that you were able to discuss things.  Isn’t it great to know you’re on the same page?! 

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