Post # 1
I met a girl a couple of months ago in a class that we took. We became fast friends and I verbally invited her to the wedding. Everything was fine for a while, but she very quickly became very demanding to hang out all the time. Between working and school, which were both full time and planning a wedding, I had very few free moments. She started calling several times in one night and asking to hang out. Once she even called, I told her we couldn’t hang out because Fiance was making dinner, but she showed up anyway. She constantly called me during my work hours (which are the same every day), even though she knew I couldn’t talk. I haven’t talked to her in about six weeks because, well. . . she kind of freaked me out. As of today, she left a note on my myspace telling me that she had a miscarriage this week.
So, that’s all the craziness that has happened. My question is. . . is it alright not to send her an invitation? I know the general rule is that I have to send her one because I told her I would, but do I have a free pass on this one?
Post # 3
Wow, that sounded bad about the miscairrage. I am not in any way insensitive to miscairrages. What I meant by that was the way that she put that information up in a public place.
Post # 4
Well, I think in this case honesty is the best policy. I would give your "friend" a call to check up on her and see how she is doing. I think that is the only right thing to do especially in light of her miscarriage. In your conversation with her you might mention that you haven’t talked or hung out with her for awhile because you are simply very very busy working and planning your wedding. You simply haven’t had the time to hang out with her. This might also be a good time to ask her not to call you during specific times of the day, or come over unannounced. After all you are soon to be a married woman and you and your husband will need your privacy! 😉
Because you already told her you would invite her to the wedding it would be bad form to change your mind. If you do decide to send her an invite try seating her with other single friends. Chances are you’ll be so happy on your wedding day that you won’t even notice she’s there and maybe she’ll make some new friends so she isn’t overwhelming you with phone calls to hang out.
Best of Luck
Post # 5
who cares about bad form – i think the girl is a bit wonko with issues and as long as you see no future for a friendship with her i dont see why you should invite her just because "etiquette" says so. the wedding etiquette handbook was written way before the advent of stalkers and i think this girl has the potential to be one.. well thats my 2c anyway
Post # 6
I agree. If you see no future in the relationship, I would suggest to not send an invite. It is your big day and you should be able to enjoy it without remorse or concern of what she might do. It is strange that she would, after six weeks of no contact, all of a sudden post a message in regards to such sensitive event…She seems unstable to say the least. However, if you want to continue the relationship you need to contact her. Best Wishes!
Post # 7
I wouldn’t send an invite. In all honesty I wouldn’t even reply to the miscarriage note as horrible as it is, it’s just…weird to put something so personal in a public place. You’ll just be encouraging her to bother you more.
Post # 8
Although it’s sad about the miscarriage, due to her previous actions I wonder if she is just crying out for attention since she hasn’t heard from you in awhile. Makes me wonder if it happened—unless you knew she was pregnant before the six week break. I’m not trying to be mean, but I’ve heard of many women who do this to get the attention of not only a guy but also people in their lives. Crazies!
I would not send her an invite. I guess I’m mean like that though, but she has gone off the deep end with the friendship. Then again I have no issues telling people "no" so it’s easy for me. For some it’s not so easy and I can understand if you still did go the route of inviting for the sake of inviting.
Post # 9
- Wedding: March 2010 - Calamigos Ranch
A lot of people talk about good form and bad form but I really think the only times when form matters are when you are trying not to offend people and to maintain your relationships with them. When someone is stalking you, etiquette is not really that important to follow. Being polite encourages strange behavior from people like this. I wouldn’t send her an invitation, and I wouldn’t offer her an explanation, either. You can leave her a note telling her your sorry about her miscarriage if you even believe that it’s true, but I think it’s smarter to cut off all communication permanently and immediately rather than encourage manipulation like this in the future.
Post # 10
yeaaaah, i say don’t invite her. She sounds a little creepy/stalkerish. Maybe she’s desperate, but that’s really weird–who posts about a miscarriage on MYSPACE with someone you’re nto really close with? And she shows up to dinner anyways?! Keep your distance, some alarms are going off in my head. Stay safe, keep your doors locked. Something’s not right about the way she’s acting.
Post # 11
i wouldn’t invite her. i had a similar experience not too long ago. once i told her that i couldn’t hang out because i was spending the day with my mister and who should be in the parking lot as i leave. some people are toxic and if this girl is like the girl i knew, the miscarriage could be a ploy to reel you back in. sadly there are people who stoop to such levels.