- 5 years ago
- Wedding: January 1994
First, I’d like to thank the Bee for bee-ing (being) there for me. You’ve helped me when I was planning my elopement. You’ve given me input on my post-elopement party ideas. And I’ve come to think of this site as a ‘wives-club’ since I’ve gotten married.
I could really use some advice on a friendship I’ve had since I was 14 years old and we both met at a very difficult time in one anothers lives. She and I were very close for many years. However, I’ve felt it difficult to relate to her because she has never really grown up. She has been really sheltered by her parents, has never really paid her own bills, doesn’t know about budgeting, grocerie shopping, etc. She is in her 30’s now. And I just can’t relate to her. On top of this, she has a drinking and prescription drug problem, and has been in trouble with the law because of this (even has done some jail time). She recently was award some money due to an insurance claim, and plans to get a boob job (though she still lives at home with her parents, who have taken care of EVERYTHING for her).
For a long time I walked around eggshells with her in regards to these issues. Eventually, enough was enough. And I have been honest with her about my feelings. I eel like she does not have the maturity to have an adult conversation about anything really. She is quick to essentially say I am mean for being forward with her (which takes the focus off of her and puts it onto me).
As I have addressed my concerns with her for several years now and nothing has changed. I know I can’t make her change. And it makes me really sad we can’t seem to have a friendship because she just doesn’t seem to be able to get her shit together, and just doesn’t understand where I am coming from. I have a lot of friends, and I don’t seem to have problems with anyone else. Maybe it is because I spend a lot of time around opinionated people who have their lives together?
I just feel like over the years, this friend of mine has become a frenemy. She is very competitive in nature, braggart, etc. It has affected our friendship. And they way she is living her life and her values are almost completely opposite of mine.
Of course she responded by saying something mean to me, saying she was ‘calling me out on my shit’ (my shit being, her being ‘offended’ by something I said. Of which, I think was really a misunderstanding on her part.)
I recently told her ‘I love you like a sister. With that said, I don’t believe we can be friends.’
DidI do the right thing in telling her that is what I am worried about.