- 5 years ago
- Wedding: August 2012
This is my first post, and I’m happy to join the hive! I’m not sure if I’m looking for advice, thoughts, understanding, or anything, but I felt I needed a place where I can open up, be myself, and hopefully receive some guidance; as well as comments from those who may know what I’m going through.
I graduated from nursing school this past December, and got a job offer from the place and floor I had my externship on. I was given a slot as a Graduate Nurse until I passed my boards in Jan and become an official RN. It wasn’t until the end of last month that they finally gave me the benefits they promised, so those begin this month. Problem #1-I hate this job. It is very hard to get a nursing job, especially in my state, so I feel obligated to stay for a year. I’m unhappy because the nurses I work with are cruel, and one of the NP’s is especially cruel. Staffing ratios are terrible, and I get sick every time I have to go in to work. It’s sad. I want a job in OB or Peds, or in cancer research, all of which are very hard to get. 🙁 I get decent pay and am on a floor many would kill for, but I’m so unhappy. I want to be an actress, Marine Biologist, Childcare provider, or work in nature. All that my family always thought was stupid and didn’t pursue-I still laugh at myself for wanting these things.
I married my husband last August. Things have been going well. We have been together for almost 8 years now. He told me he really wants kids, and began pushing me from the month after we married. I have always been the girl to want to get married first, and did this. Then I insisted I finish school so that I can be in a “good place” in my career. I wanted a year in before having a baby. He got me so excited, so I began planning so that we can TTC this year in August. If I understand correctly, I will have a year in this December, will have benefits-and over a year with this if the baby comes in May so I would have FMLA. I don’t want a full time job, part time at most but likely Per Diem once I have a child. I want to dedicate my time, love and attention to my babies. Now, my husband is saying we should wait a few years, so we can have more money. My thoughts-WTH?!
He has a steady income, and has been able to take care of us by himself for the past 2 years. We have a lovely home, but I will eventually want a bigger home for my family after a few more years. I have a job, and am doubling our salary. My tuition will be payed off by June, and all I make will be extra to pay off any bills, and save for our future children. I told him that we may not even conceive right away, and I still want to begin trying; I won’t be completely giving up my career, even if I only work Per Diem. He has known since we first started dating that I want 2 children and I want to stay home with them. (I upped that to 4, lol, but who knows what life will bring). I want us both to be ready, I think the idea that I became ready and it could be real, made him back up a bit. I just want this so bad. I understand his side, but why wait? I’ve been responsible, and we can give our children a wonderful future. We honeymooned in Hawaii, I swam with dolphins, I’ve parasailed…I’ve accomplished a lot! Sure I’d love to fill my life with many adventures and travels. But I’m not uber rich and couldn’t do these things, even without children. Sigh.
Thoughts? Oh, I’ll be 26 this July and my husand is 25. Sorry this is so long.