(Closed) Need Help

posted 6 years ago in Family
Post # 3
376 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2012

So my first thought is you’re NOT having a budget wedding. If you half is 12,000 (cost of a new car!) then the total cost of your wedding is 24,000. Granted that may “seem” budget if your first wedding was 60,000, but its not. I know some NY weddings have insane prices so MAYBE your area is like that. But you could always go outside of the city to have a cheaper wedding- that’s true no matter your area.

From your Fiance perspective- your parents are lending YOU the money NOT you as a couple. So it is unfair of them to control what he does with his money. From your folks perspective they are lending you as a couple money. So that’s your first problem there.

Secondly, it sounds like he is frustrated with you not having work- THIS MAY BE ABOUT MORE THAN THE WEDDING COST. I’ve been there- its hard. But I did work two part time jobs. I understand you are having a hard time finding a job. The economy is still horrid! But have you tried to get part time work or a low paying job to help your household at all? Sounds like your Fiance wants you to.

Honestly being an adult is about making hard decisions. You are complaining that two people (your parents and your FI) who have money are not giving you want you want. I think you are being unreasonable. So make a hard decision. Scale back the wedding OR push back the date. OR say you won’t get married until after you have a job and you can budget for saving. Tell him you are having trouble saving and you need him to help you figure out how to manage your money better. Talk about it as a couple. Don’t look to your parents to fix this problem- if your marriage has problems and you always run to your parents you will never HAVE a marriage- because you aren’t behaving like an adult in regards to problem solving. I’m sorry if this sounds harsh- I’ve been on my own since I was 19 so I strongly feel that people should make tough decisions instead of looking for the easy way out.

It won’t be easy to scale back or push back your wedding, but it sounds like the two options you haven’t considered yet.

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