(Closed) NEED HELP AND LOTS OF IT!!!

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3126 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: December 2017

I think your boyfriend is right. It would be very unresponsible for him to even consider purchasing a $3,000 ring right now.

If you want a ring before you move with him, I would advise on settling on something MUCH less expensive and upgrading later in life.

Post # 4
Member
5993 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2010

my thoughts are that as a team i dont understand why some women believe that its the mens responsiblity to 100% finance the ring – if it means that much to you then maybe you should assist in paying for it

.he rambled on and on.. how he had to pay for his school loan…house…car…once we moved out…that he doesnt even have a job yet to be thinking about it …yada yada!!!

yada yada? the guy is talking about his and your futures together and being responsible and you think yada yada???   i think you should stay home, finish school while he goes north and settles himself professionally

 

Post # 5
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

First of all pressuring a man will never work. Your Boyfriend or Best Friend might be feeling guilty that he can’t get you the ring you want right now and then keep drilling it in his face might be hurting him. Do you know what his credit is like? Based on debt he might not even be able to get credit and therefore, might be feeling sad that he will disappoint you.

Engagements are not about rings. Continuing to pressure him about a specific ring is not a good idea. It sounds like it’s already causing issues in your relationship. I think it will cause more to be honest.

Post # 6
Member
7587 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: December 2010

First of all pressuring a man will never work. Your Boyfriend or Best Friend might be feeling guilty that he can’t get you the ring you want right now and then keep drilling it in his face might be hurting him. Do you know what his credit is like? Based on debt he might not even be able to get credit and therefore, might be feeling sad that he will disappoint you.

Engagements are not about rings. Continuing to pressure him about a specific ring is not a good idea. It sounds like it’s already causing issues in your relationship. I think it will cause more to be honest.

Post # 7
Member
3671 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2011

I actually think he’s being very rational and realistic.  While the $3K ring looks great right now, if he can’t pay for it or if it affects how you live later on, it won’t seem worth it.  And he can pay it off bit by bit, yes, but the payments on a $3K ring can be very high.  I agree that a good compromise if you want to be engaged is to find something within a reasonable price range and upgrade later.  

Post # 8
Member
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

I agree, he’s being very mature and thinking about the bills to pay.  He doesn’t have a job lined up as yet and he’s being expected to add to the bills.  Maybe he should go North first and get settled before he sends for you.  You could offer to help pay some of the costs, maybe start looking for a job up North for yourself.  It’s a team effort not what one person gets from another.

Post # 9
Member
177 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

I think he’s being really practical and rational about the cost of the ring. He’s right that it’s not responsible to take on that much extra in cost when he has other things to think about. It could be that you either need to compromise on when you’re getting engaged, or which ring you choose. It doesn’t sound like he’s objecting to being engaged to you period, he sounds like he feels guilty that he can’t give you what you want.

Post # 10
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

Just because he is moving doesn’t mean he has to propose.  Is he ready to be married?  I didn’t get the feeling from your post that he is really ready to get married anyway but obviously you know your relationship.   I was in a similar situation with my bf and he wasnt ready when he moved, so I didn’t and now he is my fiance.  I was very frustrated at first and kept thinking if I was going to move he should committ but he wasn’t ready.  I’m glad I gave him time to be ready. Maybe wait to get the ring of your dreams until you are in a better position financially or help it pay for it.

Post # 11
Member
289 posts
Helper bee

First off, I think it’s justified to have some desire to be engaged before making such a significant move. The distance from your family, undesirable climate and surroundings, and culture shock would definitely act as a sacrifice on your part. It’s understandable that you would like some sort of concrete promise from your boyfriend if you agree to accompany him.

However, I don’t think your boyfriend is trying to upset you or make you feel unappreciated when he explains the reasons he cannot afford your dream ring at this time. The financial obligations he has are all very serious expenses. If anything, he is being responsible and considerate as he plans for the future.

You both are still quite young and are heading for an exciting time in your lives. Enjoy it! New surroundings, budding careers, and a blossoming relationship are all things to look forward to. Your boyfriend is probably trying to get all his ducks in a row right now- more push on your end might make him feel pressured.

However, if a ring is a must, and you and your boyfriend have mutually agreed that an engagement is what you both need right now, it might be beneficial to research some less expensive ring options. Lab created stones, diamond alternatives, and other precious stones can be a wonderful and affordable option for someone on a budget (or someone who isn’t – i know many well-off couples that opted for a non-diamond engagement ring).

Just remember – it’s often just as easy to break off a “dating” relationship as it is to end an engagement. Being engaged before move-in doesn’t guarantee a life of rainbows and butterflies. While I’m totally behind the idea of having a serious talk and making sure you’re both on the same page before such a drastic move, pushing your man into an engagement may not turn out for the best. Put your feelers out there and listen to your partner. Keep communication open and work on getting engaged as a team.

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