(Closed) Need Help: Big Worries/Doubts

posted 6 years ago in Weddingbee
Post # 3
13013 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

I think you need to have a serious discussion with him about money.  Money is the #1 cause of divorce, and you need to be on the same page before going into the marriage.  If you are having these serious doubts now, it may be smart to postpone the wedding until you can figure out what you want, where you want to live, and if you really do want to marry him.

Good luck!  I know how hard this must be for you, but it’s smart to question now rather than later..

Post # 5
7651 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2012

If money isn’t as important to him as it is to you then this needs to end. Like abbie said, it’s the #1 cause of divorce. Don’t put all the time and effort for a doomed future.

This is a sad thing to happen. I’m sorry for your situation. We are here to support you if you make this difficult decision.

Post # 6
368 posts
Helper bee

I think you need to listen to your gut. However, does he realize that you feel this way – as in, that this is such a big problem for you that you are thinking of leaving him? Maybe he just needs a wake-up call that you are NOT going to start seeing things his way, and that he will lose you if he doesn’t start being more responsible. He might think that since you’re already engaged, you’re planning to be with him even if he doesn’t get himself together.

Post # 8
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014


I think money is VERY important, not as in having lots and lots of it but as in it is essential to have steady income and a financial plan to survive and succeed in life.

I see huge red flags here since you two are not on the same page with this.

Marriage is a big deal, are you comfortable dealing with his thoughts/ideas regarding money for the rest of your life? With kids? With you being the primary and maybe only breadwinner?

These are serious things to consider that will affect your future happiness in this relationship/marriage and your future financial stability for you and or you and future kids.  I am glad that you are thinking this through now. 

I hope that you make the best decision for YOU whatever that ends up being.  Good luck with whatever you decide!



Post # 11
1475 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2014

@Vera Aloe

Every woman (yourself included) deserves a man that is responsible and a good provider.  It may not be natural to him, he may not be the best at it, BUT every woman deserves a man that makes the effort to be responsible and contribute to your lives/future and makes preparation to take care of his wife and family.

My SO just this past weekend got into a similar topic where he confessed to me that he worries about money.  We are not well off but we are not poor, we are both responsible adults with full time jobs, he does not have a huge savings account, but he has something, and it bothers HIM that he does not have as much money as he would comfortably like to start a life with me and be a good husband/father/provider.

Granted, I told him that I understand why he wants to “feel” financially secure BUT thats why I work and have a savings account too!  Because at the end of the day marriage is a TEAM effort. And he and I are a team. I believe that both parties shoud make equal efforts regarding financial expenses/obligations (not equal monetary amounts necessarily, BUT equal efforts!) Note: My SO ex was a total freeloader, and so based on that experience I guess he expected the same with me even though I have always proven to be quite independent (which he has always said he appreciates so much).

The point is, I really feel that this TEAM element is missing from your relationship….

I know that your “emotional” connection is making this difficult for you and I can only imagine how much your heart hurts, but at the end of the day you need to make the smart choice, the right choice, the BEST choice for you.

The last thing you want to do is stay when you should go and end up with resentment and regret.  You sound really unhappy and that is just awful.  I pray you find the strength to do what you need to do (whatever that is…)


ETA: Also, trust and security are huge in a relationship, if you are having issues in this area, that is really not good.  You have to be able to trust and depend on the person you spend the rest of your life with.  You need to feel like you can trust him and depend on him to do whats best for BOTH of you.  Seems like things are very one sided and you are carrying most of everything 🙁

Post # 13
879 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

@VeraAloe:  Sounds like you escaped a very troubling situation.  I am glad to read that you are safe, well and happy.

The topic ‘Need Help: Big Worries/Doubts’ is closed to new replies.

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