Post # 1
I have an issue with one of my bridesmaids and I need your advice. She has been very critical and judgemental. She always has a scheduling conflict and issues with cost so I paid for her hotel room and half of her dress. I also moved the bachelorette party for her because she couldn’t accomidaye long distances. But she is still sending me emails and texts about the list of things that don’t work for her. She is questioning everything info down to how the girls will stand next to each other in pictures.
And now planning the party has gone out of control. I wanted to help because honestly no one was telling me anything and I was so cut off. So I sent an email to the attendees, was I wrong to do so? So many people couldn’t make it and I had absolutely no clue so I was trying to clarify the dates and actual attendees.
I don’t know but no matter what I do, this BM is always pissed at me.
Post # 2
Don’t let this woman control your wedding.
If she doesn’t like it, she’s just got to deal with it.
Doesn’t like where she’s standing for photos? Suck it up.
Sending you swathes of annoying emails? Ignore them, you have better things to do.
Can’t make a certain event? Well, it never killed anyone and you’d probably have more fun without her anyway.
Has a tanty and quits the wedding party? Everyone wins.
Well, try talking to her about it first. If that doesn’t work, please feel free to take the approach above.
Post # 3
I’m confused-What’s the issue with the planning of the bachelorette party? Did this BM get upset that you emailed everyone or something?
Post # 4
This is your wedding not hers. I would not change anything just to accomodate her, maybe perhaps it there is a good reason behind it. You’ve done enoough with paying for her hotel and half of her dress. I think she’s being really unappreciative, as far as her “suggestions” I would be like “ok, sure I’ll keep in mind” or “yeah thats a good idea” to keept the peace but stick to YOUR ideas. Or someone needs to tell her what her job a a bridesmaid is. Good luck!
Post # 5
I’d cancel her hotel room, re-imburse her for the 1/2 of the dress she paid for, and invite her as a regular guest. She’s obviously wants the world and your wedding to revolve around her. That’s toxic and you’re better off without her.
Post # 6
bridetobee649: I agree with PP, you need to stop caring so much about this woman’s feelings. Maybe you can have a in-person convo (or phone convo if she lives far) and position it like this: “I appreciate all your feedback on the wedding! I wish I could accommodate everyone’s wishes but that is just not possible. If this means you do not want to a be a bridesmaid, then please let me know now.”
Reading this again, this might be TOO soft but at least it allows you to gracefully tell her to shut it up!
Post # 7
- Wedding: July 2014 - Prague
If she continues with her lists of complaints, tell her straightforwardly: “Unfortunately, I can not accomodate (whatever). Please feel free to offer me solutions; complaints are simply not helpful and at this point in the wedding planning process, are also added stressors. I’m sure you’ll understand if I continue planning my wedding in my own way, accomodating myself and/or the majority of guests as opposed to one person.”
Post # 8
OP-I speak from personal experience of having an always negative and complaining bridesmaid who treated my wedding like it was a chore-complained about dress color choice, having to wear a certain color shoes (style choice was hers), complained about the money she had to pay for my shower/bach…the list goes on. My advice-take care of it now. I say give her an out, but if not..really have a heart to heart and put it all out there. Unfortunately, I waited until after my wedding to voice my hurtfulness, while I did receive an apology…our friendship hasn’t been and will probably never be the same. You don’t need that kind of behavior and negativity bringing you down.
Post # 9
spiffanee: yeah she got upset with me for making her look bad and reaching out to the guests. They want everything to be a surprise but I hate surprises… And I’d rather help plan.
Post # 10
Thanks everyone’s for their comments, I guess I just felt really alone – like I was the only one with a really terrible bridesmaid. I really regret asking her.
Post # 11
bridetobee649: The next time she brings up something to complain about, politely suggest that, since you don’t want your wedding to cause her too much stress, that if she is unhappy being a part of it, she is welcome to attend as a guest.