(Closed) Need help dealing with overbearing MOH

posted 7 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
1271 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Refuse to go along with the MOH’s plans.  She will get over it…or she won’t…but that isn’t your problem.  The bride knows your financial situation.  The bride knows her sister is an overbearing PITA. 

Just repeat the same thing to the Maid/Matron of Honor every time “that is a lovely idea, but I’m going to have to sit out.”  Every time.  Don’t explain.  Don’t rationalize.  Just tell her you love the idea and clearly decline to participate.

Post # 4
5118 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

@Annabelle86: Ugh, that’s sucky, I’m sorry. I think that since your friend already knows your situation, and knows that her sister is like this, you’re not out of line to politely say something. The next time she texts, call her back and say “While I’d love to help more, my finances are set and x is all I can contribute. If you’d prefer I don’t contribute to the group gift, I understand and I will get Bride something personal instead. Thanks for understanding.” 

If you’re polite but firm about the whole thing, it’s on her if she flies of the handle. I’m sure you’re not the only Bridesmaid or Best Man feeling financial strain w/ her constant requests, and you already know that the bride is understanding. I don’t see the problem in talking with your friend, either, as long as it’s just in a “heads up” type of way, nothing complaining (not that I think you would at all, you sound very sweet and concerned about rocking the boat).

Post # 5
277 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

You need to tell the Maid/Matron of Honor that you’ve have already talked to the bride about your tight budget before you agreed to be a bridesmaid. I would be upfront about it and say
“Please don’t bring this up again and stop asking me about. The answer is no, I will contribute to the group gift”

Post # 7
750 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

@MrsLulu:  you nailed it.

Seriously don’t cave into peer pressure! I don’t think she will be mad at you, I just don’t think she understands (although I don’t know how). She has found out that if she pokes and prods she can get what she wants out of you even if you said “no” previously.

You don’t necessarily need to tell her to back off, just be short and assertive with her. If she brings up the baseket idea, say “I already had something special planned, and I can’t financially afford to also contribute to a group gift.” Honestly, if someone said that to me I would be totally fine with it and would still put their name on the basket even if they didn’t contribute. Who cares? Guess it’s just me.

Post # 8
12 posts
  • Wedding: July 2012

@Annabelle86:  All of this is really supposed to be fun and Maid/Matron of Honor is taking that out of it.  Be honest let her know that the lingerie is a personal gift from you to bride and is similar to what she did for you and you want it to be special in that way.

In regards to the group bach gift, tell her you wont participate as you are excited about your perosnal gift and as much as you would like to, unfortunatly funds are a bit tight. 

 Tell her you appreciate her great ideas and enthusiasm and are happy to work with her to make the brides day awesome and you appreciate her respecting your decisions.  At the end of the day will the bride be delighted either way, YES! So if you peeve off Maid/Matron of Honor shell get over it.


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