(Closed) NEED HELP!!! FMIL &FFIL NOT HELPING WITH WEDDING!!!

posted 7 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

I don’t think anyone is obligated to pay for or to contribute to anyone else’s wedding.  Would it be nice, sure…is it obligatory, no.  

I need to add that them telling you that they are not attending your other wedding related festivities is weird and hurtful to you I can imagine. Do you not have a good relationship with them?

Post # 4
Member
2891 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

Just let it roll off your back. There is nothing else you can do. You can’t force the issue or you will look like a moneygrubber. So just smile and be gracious and pray they offer help last minute. Sorry I know it doesn’t seem fair but no one is required to help you pay for anything or give you gifts. Sending you cyber hugs because I know this bites.

Post # 5
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

No one is obligated to help you pay for your wedding, so I don’t really see the issue. Sorry to be harsh, but I don’t think it’s reasonable to assume/expect this.

Post # 6
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

You’re upset because you think they owe you money even though they never promised it to you? I think that’s unreasonable of you. It is becoming much less common for parents to pay for weddings these days. You are not owed anything from these people. 

My parents are not paying for any part of my wedding and they are rich! It is completely their right to decide whether to pay or not. You should be happy that your mom is helping to pay and just leave it at that. 

The not coming to your engagement party or shower thing is a little hurtful though. Did they give a reason? Perhaps do they live far away or have other obligations keeping them from being able to make it?

Post # 7
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

ughhhhh!! I just posted something similar to this in the “emotional” tab. I can understand your frustrations and I am looking for much needed advice as well. I don’t know why people don’t think to offer help, so rude. I’m sorry I can’t give advice but I definitely understand.

Post # 8
Member
775 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: July 2012

I’m sorry to say, but nowadays parents don’t pay for the weddings or help contribute. My mother is buying my veil which is $85 and that’s it. My Future Mother-In-Law & Future Father-In-Law are giving us $2,000 (which compared to the cost of the wedding isnt much, but I’ll take whatever I can get). They are letting us borrow their credit card for any overages but we are expected to pay back. Infact, when I was younger and spoke to my aunt about how I wanted to get married somewhere expensive she said to me “well you know you are gonna have to pay for it all on your own. now one helped us, we paid for everything.” 

Post # 9
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@katiebee3:

On the contrary. It’s rude to assume people will help. 

Post # 10
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

My parents didn’t pay for anything. We paid for it ourselves with little help from the in laws (MIL made my veil and Father-In-Law made the cake).

Is it possible they don’t have the cash to help you out? Times are pretty tough right now so they might not have as much in savings as they did when your Fiance got married the first time.

Post # 11
Member
104 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: November 2012

I don’t think it is rude at all. I think a parent seeing their child at this point in their lives should try to be as helpful as possible, not watch them struggle.

Post # 12
Member
5498 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: September 2010

@katiebee3: Some parents just don’t have the means. mine didn’t and Fiance was the 4th child. With people getting laid off it isn’t fair to assume everyone can drop everything and help. It’s not required.

Post # 13
Member
335 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

@katiebee3:  Problem is there is no “advice” to give.  What are you hoping to hear?  Someone to tell you that it wrong that nobody wants to give you THEIR $$$ to pay for YOUR wedding?  Well, don’t hold your breath because the majority of people will agree that it is YOUR wedding so YOU should pay for it. If someone offers to help….Great!  If not, you can’t huff & puff about it.  What can you do, hold a gun to their head and demand they give you their money?  That was a silly example but what you expect is equally silly.

Post # 14
Member
2539 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

agree with PP….your wedding you guys pay for it. if you cant afford it make some cuts somewhere. my Fiance and i had to learn this the ahrd way. if they offer of course take it, but make sure there are  no strings attached.

Good luck

Post # 15
Member
278 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: May 2012

@Lemma: On the contrary. It’s rude to assume people will help.

This.  Couldn’t agree more.  

Post # 16
Member
1212 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

@katiebee3:

It just seems very entitled to me. I agree that parents should help their kids out with big things if they can, but being able to pay for an expensive wedding is not exactly crucial in life. It’s the difference between a parent helping their kid make rent that month and helping their kid buy that pretty outfit that they want.

The topic ‘NEED HELP!!! FMIL &FFIL NOT HELPING WITH WEDDING!!!’ is closed to new replies.

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