Post # 1
I have a problem that is seriously screwing with my life and please don’t laugh.
I’m ultra-competitive, especially with other women, but only about certain things. I don’t do it about looks or anything, but about stuff I’m really passionate about and care about. I’m an artist and that’s what I dedicate my life to. I’ve been doing it for 10 years and I’ve had some major successes (a few), but my current project for the last couple years – let’s just say is not going so well, but I’m so passionate about it.
I have a girlfriend, who is one of my best friends in the world. Didn’t have ANY interest in the kind of art that I do, suddenly, last year, decided that that’s what she wanted to do. Oh by the way, this girlfriend is smart, talented, likable all that. Within a year, she’s gained recognition in the field and is starting to win awards. I’m like WHAT?!
I kind of love her and hate her at the same time. It’s a small world, so it’s not like there’s that much room at the top. It’s literally destroying me. I can’t get over it. Why do I feel so threatened? Have any of you other bees been in similar situations?
Really need help!!!
Post # 3
@friendhelp: As hard as it will be and as frustrated as you might feel, try not to let jealousy take over. There is a reason they call jealousy the greeneyed monster- it truly is a monster and will ruin your outlook on life and your relationships. Maybe if you told her how you feel it would help. Admit that as proud as you are of her achievements, her success makes you feel a little defeated. Maybe getting those words out in the open will help humble you, give you perspective, and keep this from eating you alive inside. Good luck!!!
Post # 4
Thanks for the response! I guess writing that has given me some perspective. Her success has nothing to do with mine and if anything I should be inspired! Everything changes in life – that is what we know – and she may be successful today and not so successful tomorrow. Or mega successful and that is all fine. I have my successes and I’ve “made it” and should be proud. I will continue to create and build and discover new avenues.The world is not limited to what can be accomplished. I guess I just get possessive about it being MY PLAYGROUND!
Still would appreciate any other perspectives from women that have been through this though – maybe not with work, but with something else you really care about.
Post # 6
I think a lot of women have felt like this at some point, I know I certainly have and I have also faced behaviour from people who are trying to compete with me.
I totally 100 million % understand why you feel so down about this situation. Something you are passionate in and have been trying to hard at, and then someone else comes along and within a year is getting awards in it. It isn’t fair!
At the same time though, it isn’t her fault and it sounds like you know this. I would say that you should write her a letter explaining to her how your feeling (and also say that you know it isnt her fault but you cant help these feelings). If she is a good friend, she will understand your point of view and negative feelings. Then I would maybe detach from her for a while, and figure out your feelings. If you just don’t say anything and keep trying to act normal, your competitiveness will only come out in your actions and then that will damage the friendship more than being honest.
I really feel for you, please don’t beat yourself up too much! Lots of people never have the balls to pursue their passions, but you do!!
Post # 7
@friendhelp: I think its natural to be a little jealous with friends. I have a best friend who in every sense to me is successful and beautiful – has a great career, wonderful husband and now she’s pregnant, too. I envy all of that that… but I’m also really happy for her. We had a heart to heart several years ago after a falling out… it turns out that she was jealous about several things that she feels I had that she didn’t….
I think its easy to get jealous about someone else’s successes and not realise your own. The grass is greener on the other side….She may very well be jealous of your successes and achievements.You can change this into a positive and strive to work better. OR you can let this negative affect your creativity.
Post # 8
@fairylights20: Thanks fairylights – you’re last sentence made me tear up! That’s what it’s about – that it has meant so much to me….
Post # 9
@honeyt: That is so true!! I should be so inspired… and strangely enough, I’m starting to feel calmer about it just knowing that I’m not crazy to feel this way… I just need to remember a couple things when I’m feeling really down….