Post # 1
Hello I’m pretty new to this site and I love all the different advice that i read from the blogs. I was hoping I could get some sense knocked into me. About a week and a half ago me and my ex broke up. We’ve know each other for 7 years and dated 3. I know all about his past. Including girlfriends, kids, life and everything in between. At first I thought he was a loser and never wanted to date him. Eventually we got confortable with each other and started dating. I knew from his past that he was a cheater and had 3 baby mama’s. But eventually we fell in love and started dating. His past didn’t bother me. Since we been together everything was good. Up to about 7 months ago I caught him texting some girl on his phone. I went crazy. I was furious and he wouldn’t talk to me. He just left. Since he didn’t come home the next day I was so upset i ended up at my parents house. They moved all my things to my old room and i stayed with them for about a week. He text me the day after everything happened and told me he was sorry and explained what had happened. Since I’m an idiot i moved back in. Ever since then i was super paranoid and i would go through his phone or ask where he was. Eventually I wasn’t so paranoid..but all that still brought fights. We have one at least 1 to 2 times a month. And when we do we don’t talk for days. He sleeps on the couch and we ignore each other. I know i can’t talk to him because he will ignore me. He usually shuts down everytime we argue. This last time he just said he couldn’t take it anymore. He moved out some of his stuff and is moving the rest little by little since he’s staying at his mom’s house and doesn’t have much space. But I miss him like crazy. I know the things we argue about are little things that can be solved but he’s the type to shut down and not speak at all. That to me just upsets me more. I know this probably makes no sense but please anything to get over this breakup will help. Part of me wants to take him back.
Post # 2
You knew he was a loser. You ignored it. You said his past didn’t bother you. It should have.
Now would be a great time to figure out what you want for your life and start working on those things. Start envisioning the life you most want to have (and that, to be blunt, you could never have with a cheating loser with a bunch of kids (and exes) who makes you feel like you need to be going through his phone and expending your intelligence and energy acting like a crazy woman and a spy- again- tracking a fucking loser.)
If you can’t make the shift on your own- definitely seek out a therapist. And moving forward- you don’t have to hold a grudge against someone if they’ve made harmful life choices that take them in a direction you prefer not to go with your own life. But it would be wise- the next time you get the feeling someone is a loser, to believe that initial feeling and NOT get involved with them. IN ANY WAY. You can’t fix people. They have to decide to make changes for themselves. You’re just wasting your time and momentum doing what you did with this guy for 7/3 years. Learn from it and be a better friend to yourself moving forward.
Post # 3
sweetaddiction : Just look at the bigger picture.
I think it’s awesome that you gave him a chance and didn’t judge him for his past because I do believe that people can change… to an extent.
Reading your post gave me anxiety; I can’t imagine how you feel. Which leads me to give you my advice, you need to move on with your life without him.
Cheating is a dealbreaker for me. To be frank, I don’t think I’d ever date a cheater. Hypocritical, I know, when I said people can change. However, I couldn’t do it.
I had an ex who was texting another woman, and they were “just friends”. He ended up leaving me after 5 years together for her.
Sometimes love isn’t enough…
You can’t live your life uneasy and thinking he’s doing something shady. Trust must occur for you to be happy with yourself and with another person.
I know it’s hard, and it sucks. However, you will be happy. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or in 6 months. When you are happy, you will know it and thank your lucky stars that you left.
Post # 4
Thank you TwilightRarity and <u>kayla037</u> I know I was dumb but it’s just the process of the breakup that’s killing me inside. At times wanting him back but I know it’s just the fear of being alone. Sucks not having anyone for support so thank you bees.
Post # 5
This too shall pass. Your emotions are raw and you are going through a transition. When those “missing him” feelings sneak up remind yourself there really isn’t anything great to be missed. Focus on what you want for the future. Embrace it and get excited for new and better things!
Post # 6
I wanted to come back to tell you that there are studies that show that a break up can cause grief and physical symptoms just like if someone close to you had died- especially after years of having them in your life (and sharing your body with them). So you need to give yourself time the same way you would if that were the case.
Keeping yourself busy might help you start the healing process. And if you don’t have a support system, then a good therapist can really be beneficial.
Post # 7
He’s a cheating loser. Don’t you thinkk you deserve better than that?
Post # 8
3 baby mamas? Honey, you dodged a bullet!
Post # 9
Break ups are horrible. This reminds me of my last relationship/break up – soo many red flags and fights and time wasted and he was a massive loser and I just didn’t see it for what it was until a few months after the break up.
But THANK ALL THE GODS and the universe we broke up, because I have the most amazing boyfriend of over two years and a much healthier happier relationship.
break up tips:
1. Remember constantly that wasting any more time on him means you might miss the most amazing guy who would never treat you that way.
2. Read, read read – break up books, self help, fun fiction.
3. YouTube watch on how to get over someone
4. Read it’s called a break up because it’s broken.
5. Start a fitness plan for distraction. Change your style, grt a new hobby change job if you need,
You can do this !! Don’t go back ! This happened for a reason and the reason is someone better.
stay strong you’ll be so glad you did x
Post # 10
- Wedding: February 2017 - Seattle, WA
He’s a cheater and a loser….whatever you do, DONT take him back!! Give it a couple months and the pain will be gone. Breakups suck but the hard part is temporary.
Post # 11
sweetaddiction : I got my heart broken about 2.5 years ago. it was the worst pain of my life and the breakup wasnt my choice. He called off our wedding and moved out. I mean it was really awful. Worse than losing my mom. Things that helped me were Tylenol which helps with heartbreak believe it or not, talking/walking with friends who talked sense into me, going to support groups including WW since I was dieting then, talking to divorced people who got smoked by their ex’s, and talking to other girls who got dumped. theres a support website called exaholics which is pretty good too. Look at me now. Six months later I met my husband who is a good man, a man who my ex could never be. Dont talk to your ex anymore. Leave his stuff outside for him to pick up when your arent home and change the locks. Or get one of your friends to drop off his stuff.
Post # 12
Thank so much to everyone. I read this thread everytime i think about him and it makes me feel a lot better. I know it will pass unfortunately not fast enough but I’ll live and I can’t wait for this nightmare to be over.