(Closed) Need help on how to handle a situation with my mom…

posted 6 years ago in Emotional
Post # 3
Member
3039 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

I think you should be the bigger person in this case and approach her. You don’t have to apologise immediately, just tell her the truth. That you’re very upset about your fight, that you’re not sure how you’ll be able to resolve this, but that it’s important to you that you do – because you don’t want to look back at the wedding and regretting the fact that she wasn’t there to support you.

Post # 4
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

@hartmamp:  a shower is a party beig thrown in your honor so even if she was somehow making it all about her, you really should stay out of it. Unless she was planning to keep the gifts for herself, I say let her do it her way. You should apologize and thank her for hosting a party for you. 

Post # 5
Member
9 posts
Newbee

You two sound like my mom and my sister! So I will give you the same advice I give them  both. Tell her you are sorry, not for the way you reacted or for want her to back off. Tell her you are sorry for the way it made her feel. I don’t know about your mom but with mine it is usually all about her feeling having been hurt. Then hopefully she will be calm enough to take what you are saying into consideration.

Post # 7
Member
3152 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: May 2018

oh man. she sounds really manipulative. i really don’t know what in the world you can do but not feed into her. i’m sorry 🙁

Post # 8
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

I’d really have to hear some examples of how she’s making it about her and not you before I could even comment. Maybe she thinks the girls wouldn’t do as much as she would or have things as fancy or they’d cheap out? She’s offered her house, so she already IS involved.

Post # 10
Member
5778 posts
Bee Keeper

Ahhh…Moms and daughters. 🙂

Sometimes I think we can’t win, no matter what we do. I guess I’m more like your Mom, as I felt pretty much the same, wanting it to be as nice as it could be. Did it mean I thought the attendents wouldn’t do a good job? Not really, but the initial plans being made were light on refreshments and decor and the amount of money they wanted to contribute to make it happen. I stepped in to help, and saw nothing wrong with it at all.

If your BM’s set out some deviled eggs and some chips with a few bottles of soda, wouldn’t you be embarrassed and maybe hurt that they didn’t think it through and made it not a big deal? Everybody isn’t into party planning, and I’m guessing your Mom has been to or maybe even thrown quite a few more events than your friends, so of course she wants it to be nice. It isn’t for HER…it’s for you. She’s more than likely gone to showers for her friend’s children as well, and wants yours to be just as wonderful.

The experience for you shouldn’t be in the planning or working out of any of it at all. Your day will be the actual shower, and it’s a shame you’re being involved when you’re the guest of honor.

I hope you can step back a little and see that you are both navigating these waters together. It doesn’t sound like she’s your enemy here, so maybe cut her some slack and know in your heart she’s coming from a good place.

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