(Closed) Need Help to Stop Bringing Up the Future

posted 7 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
Member
3799 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

I don’t think not bringing up the future is a good idea. My Fiance and I used to talk about the future a lot when I was waiting, and it was a good thing, because it made me even more sure that he and I will make it in the long term.

That being said, if you are bringing it up everyday, then you might want to cut back. But if it’s a few times a month and it’s about things like handling finances together, future children (values, how to deal with certain situations, etc), living situations…then I think the more you talk about it, the better.

Post # 5
Member
1240 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2012

Sometimes I think I’m obsessing about it. So I have to sit back and just pull out my crocheting or my sudoku book. Or if its not 104 degrees outside like it is now, I’ll take the dog for a walk on my own. Remove myself from him. 

I had to do this last night, we were in the car watching fireworks after the baseball game. And we recently had been talking about everything, and he said that it’s coming.. end of summer. So I laid back off of it. And last night, I said something how we had been together 7 years, and he was like I have no clue where you get that from. And I told him, because that’s how long we have been together. And counted it out, and he just told me I was flat out wrong. I almost made him call a cab home. I was furious. I woke up still mad this morning, and we’ll talk about it tomorrow. Because I don’t want to be to mad bringing it up. 

You could try writing it all down too.

Post # 6
Member
120 posts
Blushing bee

@wanttobemrsb – Make no mistake about it, it’s hard not to bring up something that you want so much. I was that girl at one point too. I used to say to myself, “Okay it’s “date x” I’m not going to bring up anything related to marriage talk for one month.” I failed EVERY TIME. After a couple of huge blow ups because all I could do was talk about marriage, I just stopped. I realized that the bottom line was I loved him and I was sick of driving myself crazy about this and ruining our relationship in the process. It’s just not worth it. Now Mr. C brings about engagement, marriage, etc. all the time now. So I guess my advice is just try to enjoy your relationship every day. Be thankful that you found the person that you will spend the rest of your life with. As long as you do that, everything else will take care of itself.

Post # 7
Member
73 posts
Worker bee

@wanttobemrsb: This reminds me of “Not Quite Engaged Anonymous” : ) Well…I TOTALLY understand how you feel. It’s normal to want to talk about the future. I have noticed though that depending on your guy, he may get annoyed or feel pressured if its brought up too often, esp. in long conversations. This is how my SO was. Of course it drove me crazy to have to try not to bring things up.

I am one of thos serene, happy waiting bees now bc he has a deposit on a ring that I got to pick out. So I KNOW for a fact i’m 6 months or less out from being engaged. That is the ONLY reason I am sane, bc we have actual dates for everything. Hang in there! I know its tough with so much time left. Maybe find another focus? I decided to work on a master’s to help me wait and its helped!

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