(Closed) Need help to stop nagging

posted 4 years ago in Proposals
Post # 2
1473 posts
Bumble bee

maybe calm down a bit? you make a lot of assumptions and then get hurt when they don’t happen. you assumed it was Christmas, you assumed it will be March in a specific date and time and started to organize the event yourself with the photographer. did he actually say he would propose over the holidays? cause if he didn’t and you just assumed I don’t see why you wouldn’t trust him.

I don’t think getting engaged is his choice. it is yours as a couple. you are allowed to propose to him in Vienna if that’s what you want. you make a timeline and agree the final point of engagement such as end of March. if it hasn’t happened then you can draw your own conclusions. have a discussion, agree and then let it be until the end date. also in your discussion you can talk through the ring thing. expensive ring is not mandatory for getting engaged and he is not the one who has to pay for it, so I feel you suggesting a payment plan for him is a bit…entitled.

Post # 3
334 posts
Helper bee

I feel like it’s bad that he just told you at Christmas time it would happen in March to calm you down. Well yeah, of course you got over excited – you thought he was going to propose.

my advice would be to talk with him and come to a mutual timeline to be engaged by. For example, maybe you could both agree to some time between April – July so you have a rough idea of when you will get engaged while he isn’t ‘stuck’ to do it on any particular day. 

Post # 4
3085 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: October 2017

View original reply
misslady123 :  I think you’re taking over the proposal a little bit, and that may be what’s making your boyfriend a little anxious. Mutual planning and deciding on a timeline and ring is fine. But don’t go pick out a ring solo and hit him with the payment plan when he may already have something in the works.  Discuss it first.

Post # 5
5170 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: July 2018

Setting up a payment plan screams micromanaging.  First, why would you set it up for him? Secondly, why are you pushing for rings that he can’t currently afford.

Personally, I think you need to relax.  You don’t seem to want to have a discussion with your partner, you are just dictating.  Have you even asked him when he sees you getting married? 

Post # 6
2464 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: May 2015 - St Peter\'s Church, East Maitland, and Bella Vista, Newcastle

“Not be long” and March are not necessarily the same thing – I think you set yourself up for disappointment there.  I agree with 

View original reply
churrosandroses :  a timeline with rough idea, not a specific date, is a fair ask.  If you say to him that you’re finding it difficult but you think a general timeline would help you to stop nagging him about it, he may be favourable to the idea.  Don’t set up a payment plan and don’t make any more assumptions, and for the love of Mike stop micromanaging his proposal.  I think you’re exactly right in that he didn’t like you taking over and hijacking it completely.

And you ask if you can “trust him” after Christmas – had he said that he was planning on proposing at Christmas and then didn’t carry through, or was that something you decided in your own head was happening, and expected him to pick up on that?

Post # 7
4775 posts
Honey bee

Get a hobby or a volunteer gig to have something else in your life to focus on.

Stop making assumptions and communicate like grown ups about your life together.  Just cause it made sense to you doesn’t mean it made sense to him.  Moving is expensive, time consuming, and exhausting.  Packing materials, hiring movers, physically packing and unpacking, assuming you are renting then coming up with rent and security without help of roommates now,  coordinating address changes, everything being disheveled for awhile.   I’m not sure why you thought that would be a great time to add spend money on jewelry and make more big life changes to the mix.  You haven’t even lived independently yet.  Different people have different expectations and you can’t bully them into having yours – it needs to be a fair, respectful, and honest ongoing conversation without assumptions and micromanaging.

Post # 8
614 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2017

View original reply
misslady123 :  2.5 years is a little early, in my opinion. But I think you both need to be on the same page. Men too often hold the power in making this huge life-altering decision and that is just not compatible with most modern women. DH and I discussed a timeline and stuck to it. But I did need to be firm with him. It’s not a good sign that he lied to shut you up. He needs to be honest with you and himself. Is he in or out?

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