(Closed) Need help waiting bees – Should I suggest we go ring shopping?

posted 8 years ago in Waiting
Post # 3
302 posts
Helper bee

I will be interested to see what responses you get because I feel kind of in the same situation. We know it is going to happen, but when it comes to the ring, as of now, he knows to talk to my sister, but I wonder if I should shop with him to make sure it’s the right one (or at least the right direction). It’s definitely a tough situation to bring up because he is paying for it and I don’t want to tell him how to spend his money, but at the same time, I”M the one who has to look at it the rest of my life!! lol

I wish I had a good response for you–all I can say is talk to him and see what his preference is, or at least, maybe you can send him a few pictures of what you like? Or shop by yourself and find out what you like and let him know the outcome? Good Luck!!

Post # 4
1088 posts
Bumble bee

I, too, am in an LDR because I’m in school, and we both feel the same way in terms of not living together until we are engaged (largely because it would involve me moving to be with him because he’s the one with the house and established carrer). 

A few months ago on a trip to Chicago, I was quite successful in taking SO to browse e-rings even though at that point we both knew engagement would come for about a year.  I mentioned to him while walking around downtown that I’d love to check out Tiffany’s to show him an asscher diamond.  He’s known for a whle that that was my favorite diamond cut and would be my first pick for an e-ring stone.  We went into Tiffany’s and looked at a few asscher solitaire e-rings.  When we left, I told him that I’d tell him “no” if he proposed with a Tiffany ring because I don’t want him spending that much money.  Lol.

We then quickly browsed a few mall stores, and later that day, we wound up looking at a few loose asschers at a small, private jeweler as well.

I’m glad that we did this early on because I knew that I could be completely honest with him about my likes and dislikes since there was absolutely no way he had purchased a ring yet.  Also, we both knew it was a no pressure-to-buy situation and just did a little window shopping.  SO also knows I’m “passionate” (his word) about diamonds, and I think he loves watching my face light up when I see a beautiful stone!

Post # 5
7300 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2012

It really depends on how your guy is. Is he under traditional where he wants to pick out the ring himself or do you think he will like the input? Only you know. Some of my guy friends were really put off when their gf start emailing them pictures and what not. They feel like the wedding decisions are all up to the bride and they get one thing they have control over. Some like the hints so they don’t pick out something you will hate. 

My SO asked me what style I liked. He didn’t want to buy me a three stone if I didn’t like the style.

Post # 6
226 posts
Helper bee

When I was in this situation I just took the plunge one day when we were shopping. I said if your serious about getting engaged do you know my ring size? He said no so I said ok, lets go get my finger sized and I’ll leave it at that ok? Then while I was getting sized the salesperson gave me a ring to try on to check the size I said ‘oh I love cushion cut’ or ‘I think a solitare is more me’. He didnt really say anything through this process and I made sure that we weren’t there too long I and I wasn’t being too pushy. But he got the idea. He told me that he didn’t want to buy a ring and get engaged until at least March (!) but I know for a fact -after a bit of snooping- that a ring simmilar to the style I commented on is being made now 🙂

So maybe do something like this, or when your out shopping and you see the style of ring you like in a store window just say ‘oh I really love rings like that, that setting is TDF’ kinda thing??

Considering he is more traditional I would leave it at this, don’t show him any pictures or go online and email them to him. Just say it once and that will be enough to both ease your mind and help him out

Post # 7
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

I had a friend a few years back confide he was going to propose on his GF’s birthday, but he didn’t want to take her to buy the ring so it would be a surprise.  I simply told him that pretty much any woman, to my knowledge, would not object to a nice, within his price-range and her metal preference, solitaire, preferably as part of a set so she could have it “fancied up” a bit after the wedding to show she was now married.  He made a good choice – it’s very pretty, tasteful and the matching eternity band makes it very pretty together.  As he was a traditional kind of guy, getting a traditional type of solitaire was his style, anyway.

Some guys really, really feel it’s about what they want to give you, and that involving you in it could ruin the surprise, take away from the idea of him giving you something vs. you asking for soemthing, and if he gets it for you on his own, he feels in control.  If he takes you to the store, some guys can just feel like a wallet, ven though that’s not your intention.

I’d only be worried if you and your SO have VERY different tastes.  I think a lot of men would tend towards a solitaire, which these days you can maybe shop for enhancers together as a wedding band.  Also, is there a chance he might have an heirloom ring waiting for you, instead?

Post # 8
1730 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2016

P.S. – you COULD try to be sneaky and claim to be early Christmas shopping for a pair of earrings or soemthing for a female relative or friend, and THEN while you’re there have a look – just try not to obvious that was your intent all along 😛

Post # 9
13096 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: July 2010

Honestly, I wouldn’t bring it up.  Many guys don’t want to go shopping with their Girlfriend because the e-ring and proposal is THE ONE wedding related thing they have total control over.  You pointing / picking stuff out takes a lot of that away from them and kills some of the surprise.  If he wants to take you shopping and hear your opinions, he will.  Otherwise, trust that he knows you well enough to pick out something you’ll absolutely love.

My Darling Husband didn’t EVER want to look at rings with me.  He wanted no pictures, no suggestions, no shopping / browsing trips – nothing!  He told me to go to a store by myself and get sized and report my size back to him and he did all the rest.  And you know what?  What he picked is EXACTLY my style and is more perfect than I’d even imagined.  And it made for a wonderful and complete surprise when he proposed as I had no clue what he was going to pick!

Post # 10
174 posts
Blushing bee

I say yes, and I actually did this two ways. 

Of note, in my case, my man tells me that he’s not “SURE” yet about if I’m the one, but in your case, you said he is sure, so I don’t think suggesting to look at rings would be out of the question.

He knew I had been ring shopping by myself, and he knew that I’d found one that I like, so…

1. The first time, I used my mom as a “decoy”.  I said, “honey, I have to run to the jewerly place down the street to see if they have the bracelet that my dad wants to give my mom for Xmas.  wanna go with me?”  and then later I warned him, “honey, you know I have a ring picked out, and you know I have to try it on anytime I come in the store.  I know you’re not ready to get engaged yet, so I don’t want to push you.  But I’m going to try on my ring.  You don’t have to watch, and you don’t have to participate.”  But when I was trying it on, he meandered over in our general direction anyway, and I told him that that was what I wanted.

2. Fast forward a year.  Still drama about whether he’s ever gonna fish or cut bait.  I thought, “maybe if I can get him to go ring shopping with me, it will spark an interest in him to get on the wedding track.”  I suggested ring shopping several times, but told him I don’t want him to go until he’s ready b/c if he’s not then it’s no fun.  Finally one weekend he agreed to go.  He looked at all the rings with me, expressed opinions, and ended up liking the same one I do.

Ultimately, my explanation was, “This is a ring I will wear the rest of my life.  I know you want me to love it b/c I’m wearing it every day, but since you’re buying it, I want the e-ring to be something that you love too.  If we go ring shopping together, it will just help both of us see what the other person’s tastes are, just so we know what we both like and what we don’t.”

Post # 11
118 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

My SO had absolutely no interest in taking me ring shopping – this was something he had to do himself.  Hes bought me jewellery before so he knew what I liked.  Last christmas we were shopping for his mum (she was 61 and got her ears pierced so of course she was going to get earrings for Christmas – so cute!). So we spent a bit of time in the chain stores and I would wander past the solitaires and “browse” and got no hint of anything from him.  I did however collect as many catalouges as I could and a few days later we played a game where I would pick the nicest piece of jewellry on a page and then he had to guess what I chose and he picked 100%!! So I totally  trust him to get a ring that will suit me.

As for your situation I think you should bring it up and see what he says, if he says no that he wants to do it himself then ask if he needs any inspriation or broad suggestions from you to point him in the right direction! Good luck and enjoy your week away!

Post # 13
1854 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: December 2009

My story is a bit different, but my method still applies…

When we got engaged, it wasn’t planned, it was the result of a casual discussion we had, that started in the car on the ride home from work one night and ended in my apartment. Needless to say there was no ring!

The day after, I asked him: “Honey, when you’re ready to get the engagement ring, would you prefer to shop alone and surprise me, or you’d rather have me there with you so we pick together – it could take some pressure off your shoulders; but if you want to surprise me, it’s your choice”.

He was relieved I brought it up and happily agreed that we should pick the ring together.

Post # 14
1088 posts
Bumble bee

@shmell7:  We’ve played games like that online though. . .I’d send him to a site and he’d pick out a X number of rings he’d think I liked. . .and then I made him tell me why.

Let’s just say I was totally impressed that he really listened to my what I liked!

Post # 15
188 posts
Blushing bee

I debated this too. I was trying to decide between not saying anything, sending him links, asking to go shopping or mentioning that he could buy the stone in a silver setting then we’d pick out the setting later. We’ve discussed engagement in a similar time frame as yours.

I thought it was a great idea to let him know he could buy the center stone then leave the setting choice up to me, but then I remembered how he likes things to be “the whole package” when they’re purchase. Like, he doesn’t want to purchase a new washer without a new dryer.

When we were in a mall, passing some nice jewelry stores, he didn’t even glance over, so I figured asking to go in would make him uncomfortable.

I ended up sending him a picture and a link to give him and idea. He thanked me for the tip and said he could take care of it from there.

Post # 16
222 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2011

I asked my Boyfriend or Best Friend if he was OK with us going ring shopping around the time we started talking about getting engaged.  He was surprisingly into it.  I mostly wanted to have a say in my ring because I knew that he was a quick shopper and would probably buy the first thing he saw that looks nice, but I like to look at every single option and take my time to decide on what I would be happy with.  We went to several stores to look at styles such as what kind of metal, and the type of cut, halo vs no halo, that kind of thing.  I left the other 4Cs up to him because I didn’t want to be too demanding since the purchase is ultimately up to him.  He actually had a good time doing it and even went over the men’s wedding ring section to look at he wanted.  So I don’t think it’s ridiculous for you to ask him to go shopping.  Maybe if it were 20 years ago it might be different, but I think now it’s more acceptable to go together as a couple.  After all you’re going to be wearing the ring for the rest of your life so might as well get something you’ll be happy with.  My Boyfriend or Best Friend even said I should leave him some hints of what I like, for example “accidentally” leaving a print out of a ring style on the printer.  You could try that.

I don’t think it will hurt for you to just ask his thoughts on it.  If he really insists on doing it on his own then I think you should give him that space though.

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