(Closed) Need help! Wasn't invited to Fiancé's friends wedding, do we invite them?

posted 4 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 2
Member
1181 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2017

If your Fiance is inviting all his other high school friends,  A will definitely notice he’s being left out.   Maybe he’ll be fine with it, who knows, but you guys need to be prepared for the high possibility that this bridge will be burnt.  If your only reason for not inviting them is because you’re holding a grudge, I think you should invite them. Is it really going to bother you on the day of your wedding when there will be so many other people there and things going on? Is it worth your Fiance losing a friend?

Post # 3
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

I wouldn’t invite them. You don’t have to invite someone to your wedding just because one/both of you were invited to theirs. The person in question and your Fiance don’t talk much and probably wouldn’t hang out if there wasn’t a wedding to attend. Talk it over with your Fiance and see how he feels. I doubt there are any bridges to burn. Congrats on your engagement. 

Post # 4
Member
175 posts
Blushing bee

Aw. I really feel for you. If I were in your shoes, I would definetly feel hurt as well. Weddings are expensive and it IS difficult to invite everyone’s SO, however since you two were LIVING together, I would absolutely have made an exception for you even if I hadn’t met you because IMO, I feel like that would have been proper etitquite. personally, I would still invite them. There is a chance they may not come, but I think I’d probably take the high road. Who knows, maybe you and the wife will hit it off and down the road that whole situation won’t even matter 

Post # 5
Member
5878 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Ugh, I HATE when people invite only one serious partner to a wedding.  I just don’t see any good justification for it.

But regardless, don’t get caught up in thinking of this as a tit-for-tat thing.  It’s going to lead you down a rabbit hole.

When you make your guest list just ask yourself – do we want to invite this couple or not?  This will be based on your budget, venue size limitations, and the invite status of other friends that you have a similar relationship to.  If you don’t see a friendship continuing, it’s ok to not invite them.  

If you do invite them, just be a gracious hostess. More than likely they felt shitty about not inviting you two as a unit.  While I don’t think they made the right decision, I can empathize that that decision probably came from a tough place.

Post # 6
Member
1624 posts
Bumble bee

Pretend the friend’s wedding didn’t happen- would you want these people at your wedding? If yes, invite them, and they’ll probably feel sheepish that they didn’t invite you. If you are ready to let this friendship go, skip the invite and enjoy your wedding.

Post # 7
Member
514 posts
Busy bee

If your Fiance doesn’t mind losing a friend then don’t invite them (I personally wouldn’t) but if he wants to keep his friendship invite them both 

Post # 10
Member
956 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

This is why every adult should get a +1. Peroid. This stuff about only giving people a +1 who are married, engaged or in a “serious” relationship is just a load of crap. The guest list should be shortened, if necessary to accomodate for everyone getting a +1.

My rant aside 🙂 I would leave this one up to your Fiance as this is his friend – it sounds like they aren’t really good friends, so I doubt it would be a big deal if he invited other HS friends.

 

Post # 11
Member
413 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: October 2016

Are invitations open to anyone who wants to come or are you two planning a wedding for close friends/family? If you’re considering not inviting them because they sent your Fiance a solo invite, I’d rethink the decision and extend an invitation to them anyway. If they show, fine; if not, that’ll be fine too. I still think that you should talk it over again with your Fiance before finalizing the list. 

Post # 12
Member
155 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2015

I think the right thing to do would be to invite both of them.  That being said, I wouldn’t invite them.😀

Post # 13
Member
2166 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

My husband and I weren’t invited at all to a couple’s wedding that attended ours and we saw regularly over the course of the few years leading up to our weddings. We weren’t offended because they had a TIGHT budget. She had to ask married women from school to come solo, without their husbands. Some refused and others understood. They’re probably just doing what they have to and we can always speculate as to why one friend got to bring their boyfriend/fiance/husband over the next but they had to make decisions. I’d say if you guys have the flexibility to invite them, do. 

Post # 14
Member
2394 posts
Buzzing bee

Hmmm, this is a tough one OP! Honestly, I don’t know what I would do in your shoes. It sounds like you’re both on the fence about it, in which case I would probably invite them. If neither of you feels really strongly about it, don’t burn the bridge.

However; if it were ME, I wouldn’t be on the fence about it – I definitely wouldn’t invite them. If I hadn’t been invited to the wedding of one of my husband’s friends when we were long-term live-in boyfriend and girlfriend, I would have been really insulted. I totally understand that weddings are expensive (we didn’t give plus one’s to single folks, for that reason), BUT you weren’t just a casual girlfriend or “date.” You were his partner, you guys were in a serious relationship, and I think it was really rude for your fiance’s friends to call him just a few weeks before the wedding and tell him you weren’t invited.

If your fiance’s friend had called him and explained the situation, your fiance had explained that you guys were really serious and he wouldn’t feel comfortable attending without you, and the friend said that he didn’t realize how serious you guys were and that they would love to have you – now that’s a totally different situation.

The icing on the cake is that when your fiance said that he would feel uncomfortable attending without you, your fiance’s friend argued with him and said that he would have fun anyway – that’s pretty ridiculous if you ask me. 

EDIT: I see it was a facebook message rather than a phone call (chicken’s way out, anyone?). I also see that your fiance ended up not going – good for him, he sounds like a keeper! 😉

  • This reply was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by  Soon2bmrs1.
Post # 15
Member
994 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

If your Fiance still considers him a friend, I would just invite them. Show them what classy looks like.

The topic ‘Need help! Wasn't invited to Fiancé's friends wedding, do we invite them?’ is closed to new replies.

Find Amazing Vendors