Post # 1
This is my first post, usually I just read other boards but this seemed a little unique. So, A and I have been living together for a good amount of time. His high school friends still kind of keep in contact with each other, but some are closer to him than others. One of the friends he hadn’t talked to in a while sent a save the date to our apartment, after I had met this friend at a social outing. It was sent to just A but he assumed it was for us, since we live together.
The invitation was sent to A’s parents house for some reason, so they sent the RSVP for him. They weren’t sure if there was a spot for plus one but they wrote both of our names down. They seem to remember that there was a spot to write another name for people attending.
3 weeks before their wedding, A received a Facebook message from the friend saying that they were sorry but that I couldn’t come, that they weren’t allowing significant others unless both the bride and groom knew them and the significant other was serious. A told him he didn’t feel comfortable attending without his long-term live in girlfriend. His friend said that it was fine, but that A would still have fun without me because his high school friends would be there. By the way, the high school friends’ girlfriends were invited…A would be a taken guy going stag to a wedding with his friends and their girlfriends. So, we didn’t go.
3 months later, A proposes to me. I’m very excited 🙂 we have our bridal party picked out, and it includes some old friends from the same circle as the one that said I couldn’t come to their wedding. A at first didn’t want to invite said friend, and I’m not sure how I feel. I was a little hurt that I wasn’t considered serious enough to be able to come with A to his friend’s wedding. I understand that weddings are expensive, and if we invite the friend we have to invite his new wife because it’s proper etiquette…. But I’ve never met her. A and this friend don’t even talk that much, it’s just that another friend in the same circle is getting married before us and we will definitely see the friend in question at this wedding. I’m just emotionally confused. I kind of don’t want to see them on my big day, and A doesn’t have a strong opinion. I just don’t want to influence him to burn a bridge for a petty reason. They kind of left a bad taste in my mouth.
This topic was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by ava92516.
This topic was modified 4 years, 2 months ago by ava92516.
Post # 2
If your Fiance is inviting all his other high school friends, A will definitely notice he’s being left out. Maybe he’ll be fine with it, who knows, but you guys need to be prepared for the high possibility that this bridge will be burnt. If your only reason for not inviting them is because you’re holding a grudge, I think you should invite them. Is it really going to bother you on the day of your wedding when there will be so many other people there and things going on? Is it worth your Fiance losing a friend?
Post # 3
I wouldn’t invite them. You don’t have to invite someone to your wedding just because one/both of you were invited to theirs. The person in question and your Fiance don’t talk much and probably wouldn’t hang out if there wasn’t a wedding to attend. Talk it over with your Fiance and see how he feels. I doubt there are any bridges to burn. Congrats on your engagement.
Post # 4
Aw. I really feel for you. If I were in your shoes, I would definetly feel hurt as well. Weddings are expensive and it IS difficult to invite everyone’s SO, however since you two were LIVING together, I would absolutely have made an exception for you even if I hadn’t met you because IMO, I feel like that would have been proper etitquite. personally, I would still invite them. There is a chance they may not come, but I think I’d probably take the high road. Who knows, maybe you and the wife will hit it off and down the road that whole situation won’t even matter
Post # 5
Ugh, I HATE when people invite only one serious partner to a wedding. I just don’t see any good justification for it.
But regardless, don’t get caught up in thinking of this as a tit-for-tat thing. It’s going to lead you down a rabbit hole.
When you make your guest list just ask yourself – do we want to invite this couple or not? This will be based on your budget, venue size limitations, and the invite status of other friends that you have a similar relationship to. If you don’t see a friendship continuing, it’s ok to not invite them.
If you do invite them, just be a gracious hostess. More than likely they felt shitty about not inviting you two as a unit. While I don’t think they made the right decision, I can empathize that that decision probably came from a tough place.
Post # 6
Pretend the friend’s wedding didn’t happen- would you want these people at your wedding? If yes, invite them, and they’ll probably feel sheepish that they didn’t invite you. If you are ready to let this friendship go, skip the invite and enjoy your wedding.
Post # 7
If your Fiance doesn’t mind losing a friend then don’t invite them (I personally wouldn’t) but if he wants to keep his friendship invite them both
Post # 9
That’s kind of the the view I have with my guest list, if I invite someone and they have someone special to them I wan them to be happy at my wedding, so I’ll try to save some money on some other component. I dunno, maybe I’m going not doing it right, haha. We’re not made of money so we do want to be conservative but I just want everyone to feel happy about being there. Originally the high road was my first thought, but I was feeling a little hurt still.
Post # 10
This is why every adult should get a +1. Peroid. This stuff about only giving people a +1 who are married, engaged or in a “serious” relationship is just a load of crap. The guest list should be shortened, if necessary to accomodate for everyone getting a +1.
My rant aside 🙂 I would leave this one up to your Fiance as this is his friend – it sounds like they aren’t really good friends, so I doubt it would be a big deal if he invited other HS friends.
Post # 11
Are invitations open to anyone who wants to come or are you two planning a wedding for close friends/family? If you’re considering not inviting them because they sent your Fiance a solo invite, I’d rethink the decision and extend an invitation to them anyway. If they show, fine; if not, that’ll be fine too. I still think that you should talk it over again with your Fiance before finalizing the list.
Post # 12
I think the right thing to do would be to invite both of them. That being said, I wouldn’t invite them.😀
Post # 13
My husband and I weren’t invited at all to a couple’s wedding that attended ours and we saw regularly over the course of the few years leading up to our weddings. We weren’t offended because they had a TIGHT budget. She had to ask married women from school to come solo, without their husbands. Some refused and others understood. They’re probably just doing what they have to and we can always speculate as to why one friend got to bring their boyfriend/fiance/husband over the next but they had to make decisions. I’d say if you guys have the flexibility to invite them, do.
Post # 14
Hmmm, this is a tough one OP! Honestly, I don’t know what I would do in your shoes. It sounds like you’re both on the fence about it, in which case I would probably invite them. If neither of you feels really strongly about it, don’t burn the bridge.
However; if it were ME, I wouldn’t be on the fence about it – I definitely wouldn’t invite them. If I hadn’t been invited to the wedding of one of my husband’s friends when we were long-term live-in boyfriend and girlfriend, I would have been really insulted. I totally understand that weddings are expensive (we didn’t give plus one’s to single folks, for that reason), BUT you weren’t just a casual girlfriend or “date.” You were his partner, you guys were in a serious relationship, and I think it was really rude for your fiance’s friends to call him just a few weeks before the wedding and tell him you weren’t invited.
If your fiance’s friend had called him and explained the situation, your fiance had explained that you guys were really serious and he wouldn’t feel comfortable attending without you, and the friend said that he didn’t realize how serious you guys were and that they would love to have you – now that’s a totally different situation.
The icing on the cake is that when your fiance said that he would feel uncomfortable attending without you, your fiance’s friend argued with him and said that he would have fun anyway – that’s pretty ridiculous if you ask me.
EDIT: I see it was a facebook message rather than a phone call (chicken’s way out, anyone?). I also see that your fiance ended up not going – good for him, he sounds like a keeper! 😉
Post # 15
If your Fiance still considers him a friend, I would just invite them. Show them what classy looks like.