- 5 years ago
- Wedding: July 2018
I’ll start this by saying that I have a lot of male friends/acquaintances and have rarely had a problem. I fully believe in platonic male/female friendships and so does my fiance. In the type of work I’m in, I meet a lot of people and my job can be pretty social at times and I’m a pretty friendly and outgoing type of person. I usually talk to everyone.
With that said, I’m having issues with a guy at work. I can’t go to HR about this and I don’t really want to do what my fiance suggests, which is tell the guy to fuck off. My go-to work/career advice friend just started a new job today so I won’t bother her. So, I need some help from you ladies!
I work with this guy who is a couple of offices away from me and kind of in the same department. I have to work with him quite a bit. He is mid 40’s and has a wife and child (although when I first met him I definitely thought he was gay, he’s very… flamboyant). He always has seemed like a super nice guy and we get along, but lately I’m feeling a little uncomfortable and I’m feeling like he’s overstepping his boundaries a bit. He knows I’m engaged and there is absolutely ZERO attraction or anything on my side, nothing at all. Not a damn thing. He’s just someone to talk to in order to make the work day better.
As a side note, I rarely associate with work people outside of work. Of course I have some friends who I have made through working but for the most part, especially since I’m in HR, I try to keep work friendships at work.
So… back to the “situation”
Last Thursday me and him made plans to check out a new coffee place near the office at lunchtime on Friday. Friday morning came and I decided to leave work at 11 since it was the long weekend. I went to tell him that I couldn’t make it for coffee but he wasn’t in his office so I left a note on his monitor. I apologized and put that I decided to head out early, told him to have a great long weekend and coffee is on me next week.
I came into work yesterday and he saw me in the morning and I could tell he was visibly pissed off. I asked him what was wrong and he said “I can’t believe you ditched me like that on Friday. We had plans and you just left a note for me. Ugh, I can’t even talk to you”. He wasn’t joking and I thought that was a little bit of overkill, I mean, it was coffee with a coworker! Either way, I felt bad so later on in the day I said I was going to Starbucks and offered him one and he said “you owe me like 10 after Friday” and then said that my dress looks good and I should dress in things like that more often. Then he said he will come with me. I didn’t know what to say so he came with me and he started telling me how marriage is hard and how sometimes he wishes had a hot, young wife. WHAT?!
Right away I felt SUPER uncomfortable when he said the dress comment but then the rest of this just made my skin crawl! There was just something about the way he everything that I didn’t like, as well as the actual content of what he was saying. Not to mention I feel the way he’s acting about the whole coffee thing on Friday makes me think that he feels that this is more than just a regular work friendship.
Today, he has already stopped by my office and asked me if I want to go for lunch. I said I have plans and he asked what and since I actually don’t have plans, I panicked a little and just made up that I have to go to the mall. He said he loves the mall and he will come with me.
I don’t want him to come with me, back to the skin crawling feeling! I’m going to tell him something came up and I’m meeting an old friend or something instead because I really don’t want him to come with me.
So my question for you ladies is… how would you handle this?? I have to be very careful because I do have quite a bit of work that I have to do with him and I think it could make things difficult if I upset him, plus I really don’t want to insult or hurt someone. And, like I previously mentioned, complaining to HR (or any other higher power) is out. Any suggestions??