- 4 years ago
I’m new here and not sure of the etiquette used here on this forum. Hoping that maybe some of you have already tied the knot and have experienced this is the past or are going thru it now and can provide some assistance. Sorry in advance if im in the wrong place, again just hoping for some help..
tl;dr: my mother in law is giving me such an issue with respecting my home STILL in spite of already addressing the issue directly with her in the past. DH has stood up for us but Mother-In-Law still think shes doing nothing wrong.
my Mother-In-Law was supposed to pick up a family member at the airport on Sunday @ 10pm but the family members plane was delayed. She didnt want to wait in the car outside the airport so she texted my husband @ 12 am, after already being made aware that Monday he had a 12 hour shift ahead of him, asking if she could stay in our apartment until they were ready to pick up the family member. DH woke me up to ask me and i told him NO, we both work tomorrow. If she doesnt want to wait, she should go back home and tell the family member that they unfortunately are going to have to take a cab. I turn over and go back to sleep. 10 minutes later, wakes me up again to now ask if they can come up to use the bathroom. I said this has to be a joke? they cant find a rest stop, gas station, food place to go and use the bathroom at? I, again told him NO. WE HAVE TO GET UP FOR WORK & I AM TRYING TO SLEEP. He said OK, ill let them know. Not more than 5 minutes later, my doorbell rings at about 12:30 and i am LIVID. So my Mother-In-Law took it upon herself to come anyway but not only come but to then ring my doorbell at 12:30 to “use the bathroom” when we live 15 minutes away from the airport. THERE HAD TO BE PLACES SHE COULD HAVE STOPPED AT but no, she drove all the way to our home.
DH had a LONG conversation with her about it and she feels she did nothing wrong it was an “emergency” situation and that she was disgusted with him.
So i just so happen to read the conversation he had with his mother thru text and what she said to him is LITERALLY mind blowing. Besides calling me a “spoiled child” she called her son a spoiled child because he choose not to be uncomfortable, as she understood it. He clarified for her it wasnt a matter of comfort it was a matter of what was considerate and wasnt. He told her multiple times we were both asleep and we had to be up for work in the morning, she had options in regards to going to the bathroom. she dismissed those because she wanted to be in OUR home and thats what she wanted.
She also told him VERBATIM: “Im not just anyone, im your mother. There can only be one. There can be many wives.”
LET THAT SINK IN Now, i want to make mention this woman is a CHRISTIAN WOMAN, BIBLE THUMPER to the MAX. SAYING THESE THINGS TO HER SON ABOUT HIS WIFE.
As DH was telling her how inconsiderate she was the night before not only to him but to me as well, she tells him “Geez, she works less than 10 minutes from home, how much sleep did she really lose last night?” IM SORRY but. WHAT?
Mind you, neither one us fell back to sleep until maybe 130 or so.
And this was all because we told this woman she couldnt stay in our home to wait. NOT CONSIDERING THE FACT that we STILL let them in to use the bathroom and woke BOTH of us up.
I appreciate DH standing up to her and telling her when she was being dead wrong and telling her that she has to learn to respect our home and when we tell her no, but it INFURIATES me that she can tell her son these things in regards to me and wouldn’t DARE voice these things to me, face to face. But im supposed to walk around, trying to be welcoming to this woman when she does come into my home for visits, with open arms, when she speaks about me like this behind my back? Classifying me as something disposable and making it seem like im spoiled. I WOULD LOVE to know how she came to the conclusion that im spoiled, when ive worked my entire life, gone to school, did something with my life, in spite of serious health issues. Wheres the spoilage lady?
this stuck out to me also that she mentioned to him. she tells him, “if i cant come to you in a time of need, im really in trouble. if i cant come to you, who am i supposed to turn to for help?” MIND YOU, the woman is MARRIED. someone kill me no one can really be this unstable.
I want to be clear, im not interested in the womans affection, love or in a bond with her. What i need from her is respect. The respect i give her as his mother, i need as his wife. My marriage to her son shouldnt be a learning curve for her, ive done what i need to do to earn my respect from her. She still doesnt give it, not only to me but now, not to my husband either.
She keeps crossing boundaries and my tongue hurts from biting it for this long.
WHAT THE HELL GIVES!?! HELP.