Post # 1
My fiance has always struggled with weight issues. As a kid he was overweight; I mainly attribute this to the fact to his family’s bad eating eating habits and no encouragement to exercise. In high school, he started working out regularly and eating better; he lost a lot of weight and felt a lot better about himself. Over the last 4.5 years that we’ve been together, he has started reverting back to his old habits. Since we started dating he has gained over 60 pounds. I know I am part of the problem. I have never had a weight problem, and even though I’ve gained 10 pounds since we got together, I am still in the middle of my weight/BMI. Even though we’ve been trying to improve our eating habits and excercise togther more often, he hasn’t been seeing much improvement.
He told me this morning that I enable him to be fat because I tell him that I find him just as attractive now as I did when we met. I really don’t care what he looks like, but this has became a constant issue with him lately, and it’s really wearing me down. He complains all the time about how fat he is. Sometimes he refers to himself as having "man boobs" or being a "tub o’ lard." I hate to hear him talk badly about himself because his childhood weight problems really gave him some self-esteem issues that he has never worked through completely.
I’ve tried supporting him many times to lose weight, but it seems like nothing works. He hates work-out videos because he feels like he isn’t coordinated enough to follow along. He doesn’t like going to the gym because he feels like everyone is staring at him and "(his) fat rolls bouncing around." I’ve tried cooking healthier, but the main problem is his portion control, not the foods we eat. I even suggested we join Weight Watcher’s together, but he feels like that is "throwing money away" to have someone tell him what he already knows (i.e. eat less, exercise more). His doctor told him he should start a vegetarian diet for health reasons (cholesterol and blood pressure), but he told her he didn’t want to give up meat and fried foods. He has been successful losing weight exactly once since we got together when we cut our diets down to less than 1000 calories a day, basically living off of SlimFast and frozen Weight Watcher meals. I don’t want to do this again because it wasn’t very healthy and we couldn’t maintain this kind of lifestyle; he gained all the weight back, too, within a couple months of going off the diet. Now, he thinks his only hope to lose weight before the wedding is over-the-counter diet pills. I do not want him to take diet pills.
I want him to lose weight, but I really want it to be in a way that is healthy and has lasting effects. I know this means a lifestyle change, but I’m not sure how to encourage him to do it. I feel like every time I approach this subject he shoots me down with some excuse. I could use some help. Maybe someone has been in this situation with a friend/family member? Or maybe you struggled with weight issues and you have a story to tell about how you finally made the change? Any advice would be helpful as well.
Post # 3
My husband and I lost a lot of weight together prior to getting married, it was mostly a change that I wanted and the poor guy was kind of stuck doing it with me (oh well).
We did a Weight Watchers thing but never paid a cent for it because you can find everything that you need online for free!
I think the biggest shocker for us was when we first measured out food (and wrote it down) and realized just how much we were eating! The key was buying local fruits and veggies, fresh meats etc and taking them home and basically pre packaging at the proper serving levels. We did the same after we cooked a meal, if it was for four servings we would take it and split it into fours, two for lunch, two for dinner!
The key is going to be that you will have to help him through this change, it sounds like he wants to but doesn’t have the self control to do it himself. Toss all the crap that is in your cupboard (for us initally this was a ton of food, Rice Roni, Mac & Cheese those numbers were just scary) and make changes for both of you, he will ultimately follow suit. Set up a workout routine with treats upon completeing so many days in a row. Eventually the healthy habits will just be normal and not such a big task!
Post # 4
I have gained a LOT of weight since college (the last time I was happy with it) and I am working to loose it too. My current plan is to get a box of organic veggies delivered and not eat anything else (within reason) until they are gone. Also could he join a local sports team? Even if he started a frisbee golf game it could help. Keep us updated on your progress!
Post # 5
My fiance and I are both working together to lose weight. It is all about supporting each other and encouraging each other … but I would rather share the story of my brother.
He was actually always the skinny kid growing up and all the way through high school — he played football and my mom used to make him protein shakes and force feed him steak and pasta cause she was afraid he was going to get hurt – ha!! Then he went to college and discovered beer and late night binge eating and gained a lot of weight, probably about 80 pounds over the course of 7 years. He got married about five years ago and lost a significant amount of weight for his wedding, by harsh and unrealistic dieting. He obviously quickly gained it back after the wedding. Since then he and his wife had a baby girl!! She just turned two. At her birthday party they were playing outside and he found himself short of breath – something that shocked him a month before his own 30th birthday. He made a decision then and there that he had to do something. He would not be the father that couldnt keep up with his children, or that wouldnt even be there to see her grow up. He was scared. He went to a gym down the street from his office that was offering one week free. The one week free came with an intial training session with a professional trainer. The trainer asked him to do a few simple things (treadmill, pushups, sit ups) and my brother was gasping almost immediately. He finished the test and asked the trainer what he thought, the trainer asked if he wanted him to be honest, and he said yes. The trainer said he was obese, and if he continued the way he was living his life he would become sick, if not die, by the time he was 50.
My brother has gone back to that gym 5 days a week for the last 7 weeks and has lost 12 pounds. Now is that a lot of weight? Not necessarily. But he has changed his lifestyle. He works it into his routine. Him and his wife have rearranged pick up and drop off of their daughter so that my brother can make it to the gym. They take walks on the weekends and cook and eat heathier dinners.
Long (super long) story short – he came to the realization that he was barely 30 years old and was so out of shape he could barely walk a mile, let alone run one. He wouldnt have that. He made the decisoin himself. You can help your fiance get to that point, but he has to decide on his own whether or not he is ready for a life change. Get some DVDs that are made for men (there are a bunch!) or do the DVDs with him and laugh through it. I bet he would be shocked if he went to the gym and realized he wasn’t the biggest person there. Encourage him, but don’t push him, and feel free to share my brother’s story. I think it’s inspirational.
Post # 6
Thanks for your help, ladies! I really appreciate the advice. I think, at this point, the best thing I can do is start my own lifestyle changes. Using some of your dieting tips and setting an exercise schedule will definitely help me gain what I really want, a long, healthy life. And I hope that if I change, my Fi will change too. I definitely think your story was inspiring, humarockbride, and I am going to share it with Fi tonight. I think the hardest thing is knowing he wants to change but that he hasn’t gotten to the point of making a real commitment. Hopefully, if I make a commitment and continue to support and encourage him, he will make a change too.