- 5 years ago
- Wedding: October 2019 - City, State
Ugh!!! what a douche. Years ago, my ex husband was having an emotional affair with a girl he worked with. He used a phone I was paying for and used to spend time with her before work in MY CAR. I found out only because I found a letter he wrote to her explaining how he couldn’t be with her “right now” because we needed each other financially, which was code for he needed me financially. And basically just rambling on for 4 pages. I was not a snoop and just happened to catch him. I clearly remember that sick feeling I had. When I asked him about the letter he basically made me feel like it was my fault I was hurt because I snooped, he also said it was a “goodbye” letter. I found out a week later he wass still talking to her. Basically the point of this is that once that happened it took me ten years of good and bad to realize that that original defining moment robbed us of our future. He wasn’t all bad and I can honestly say in a lot of ways he made me very happy after that, I did marry him after all. But it wasn’t long before I realized that certain things would never change and that I would never fully be able to trust him. It was a long hard (even happy at times) road.
I would suggest first talking to him and trying to get as much of the truth as possible. Then let yourself process it all and see how you really feel. Maybe counseling (which helps a ton!). Don’t make any quick decisions. There is no “right” way to handle these kinds of things because each situation is so different. I don’t believe the whole “once a cheater, always a cheater” thing. It’s possible he’s making some bad choices right now, the key is figuring out why. Is this just who he is? is it something lacking for him in your relationship? is it purely physical? so many possiblities and to be fair to both yourself and your relationship, it would be wise to give it some effort before making decisions out of anger or hurt. But no matter what, always put yourself first.