(Closed) Need help with my SO being shady…Advice Please

posted 6 years ago in Relationships
Post # 76
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

 

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slpsmp:  Maybe it’s just me but I find ‘flirting and sending inappropriate pictures’ to be cheating.  You will get what you put up with. If you talk to him, do you really expect to get the truth? In my opinion, you go by what you see, his actions, and your gut.  I have been there and done that with my ex husband and will never do it again. I understand being in love and all of that but it’s just all an illusion if the man isn’t honest and fortright.  Do you really think he changed his password by coincidence? I know what you want the answer to be but try to think objectively.  Do you also think he tensed up for a reason? If it was ‘just porn’, why would he change his password? And even if he hasn’t ‘physically’ cheated yet, in my opinion, he was getting there.

Post # 77
Member
3081 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2012

Wow, you are seriously one strong lady for handling everything as well as you have. I am so sorry this happened to you, and I know you have a tough road ahead of you in getting over it and him, but I’m so impressed. 

Post # 78
Member
3088 posts
Sugar bee

And to add, I wouldn’t care about his explanation. Who cares why he did what he did? The point is that he did it.  It is not fair to you to wade through his bs.  He disrespected you and had the nerve to try to turn this around on you.  His explanations would only consist of him justifying his behavior somehow. I would seriously let this one go if I were you. 

Post # 79
Member
8 posts
Newbee

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slpsmp:  I’ve been with two guys with whom I believe that the idiom “once a cheater always a cheater” rings true.  These guys ALWAYS turn it around on you, take time and space for a few days and then have some kind of excuse.  I suspect you’re getting a half truth here and that he thought of some kind of explanation that would make him look a little guilty, but I doubt if you know the whole story.  Dump that m f er!

Post # 80
Member
13518 posts
Honey Beekeeper

His explanation was pure cop out.  Playing on your sympathies, he’s still trying to paint himself as a victim.  I’d have more respect if he had owned up to things, although in your place it would not have changed the outcome one bit. He’s destroyed any trust you ever had in him and you don’t owe him anything.   You have handled this incredibly well and I wish you all the best moving on and forward into a new and better chapter in your life. 

Post # 81
Member
1277 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: May 2014

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slpsmp:  Wow, you are seriously freakin awesome – a total inspiration. I’m so sorry that this has happened to you and for what you are going through right now, but I 100% agree with you and all the PPs that you have made the right decision and will be better off for finding out now rather than  later. 

Here’s to a well deserved bright and happy future for you, hon! Be kind to yourself in the meantime while you heal. Hugs!

Post # 82
Member
385 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2015

Wow girl, good for you. You totally did the right thing. You absolutely do not need that shit in your life. 

And as for his explanation, what a lost of horse shit. “I cheated because I never felt adequate enough for you?” WTF kind of excuse is that?? Did he actually think you would buy that??? Once again, he still can’t take ownership for his actions. It’s never really “his fault”, he always places the blame some place else. 

And in any case, it’s just bullshit. The truth is that he cheated because he is selfish. And he will ALWAYS BE DOING THE SAME SHIT. If there was something about the relationship that he didn’t feel happy with or felt was lacking, he should’ve communicated that to you.

Instead, what does he do? He decides to have a MASTURBATION TEXT MESSAGE SESSION with a coworker.

How pathetic.

Let this selfish, tepid, immature, noncommunicative jerk to remain in your past. You’re one strong woman who knows what she wants, and that quality is incredibly attractive to men. The chickens have come home to roost for your immature and selfish ex, and that’s why he is now finding himself alone.

He never deserved you to begin with. He has been blotting out the sun in your life. You are gonna be SO much happier, and you are gonna find a guy who actually treats you with love and respect.

Post # 83
Member
288 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: August 2017

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slpsmp:  I am so proud of you and your response. Now is the hardest part… staying strong. But whatever you do, do not give into this asshole. He fucked up because you are right, he is stupid. He lost you for good and he should have to live with that pain for the rest of his life! Kudos to you, girl. You WILL find the perfect man for you. Someone just as strong and honest as you are and you’ll look back on this crap and laugh. 

Post # 84
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: March 2012

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slpsmp:  

Wow. If I were in the same situation, I could only hope to handle that situation as well as you did. 

While reading, I kept thinking “please don’t buy this guy’s BS excuse”. Thank God that you found out who he truly is before you married him. 

Post # 88
Member
687 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: April 2016

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slpsmp:  I can’t imagine how hard it is for you right now but good on you for looking on the bright side and being so stong.. enjoy your bachelorette pad 🙂 xx

Post # 89
Member
319 posts
Helper bee

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slpsmp:  As PP said you handled it like a Boss and your continued resolve through his calls/begging is straight studly!!! You rock, girlfriend!! In a way, I almost hope he keeps being a pain and trying to get you back, because I know for me in my pre-marriage relationships, it always helped me move on when the guy begged and was super pathetic. Such a turn off! And his excuse for cheating just made him all the more pathetic and unattractive. I am in awe of how maturely you are handling all of this and I have no doubt you will be moved on in no time. Enjoy your “new” place and unburdened life! I wish you the best!

Post # 90
Member
258 posts
Helper bee

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slpsmp:  OP you are a lion amongst women.  Like others have said, I feel so proud of you reading your updates, and I don’t even know you!  

He was right – he was never good enough for you.

xxx

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