Post # 16
What region is it acceptable to include registry information in the wedding invitation? I grew up in the South, went to college in New England, lived my post-college years in the Northeast, and now live in coastal california. Never have I ever seen registry information in the invitation suite.
If anything, the poem makes it worse.
Post # 17
I agree that this can be regional. If people are expecting this info somewhere on your invite or in the invitation suite, keep it simple: “We are registered at Bed Bath and Beyond” is fine, and people who don’t buy from there will probably give you cash anyways. The majority of guests probably know that you’re living together and don’t need much new stuff anyways.
Post # 18
Alot of his side are older, like 60+. They, along with my side, are requesting everything to be in one place so they don’t have to do anything with computers. A couple of them just discovered email or don’t even own computers. I want to make it easy on them because they are family and I don’t want to rely on word of mouth to get information across. I feel like it would be rude to go ahead and not include everything in the invite knowing that is what they want just because people (our friends who know us well) might consider it rude. It IS more expensive for me to get everything printed than to just put some things on a website though. I am well aware that it’s considered “rude”. But I am inviting friends and family who requested it, not the strangers who are the ones that think its rude. I am just asking a way to word something. Not a lesson on etiquette. Though I do really apprieate any feedback I can get.
Post # 19
I think the age thing is a double edged sword. One one hand if they aren’t too computer literate, then web sites may be challenging. OTOH, 60+ yr olds probably are more aware of traditional etiquette and not having registry info on the invitation. Probably a wash there – some will be happy with the convenience, others side eye it as gift grabby.
Post # 20
You’re totally right. I’ve talked to alot of our friends and they do not consider it rude. If anything, if people are so worried about us offending our friends I can always not include anything registry related in their invites, only in the invites for the people that requested.
Post # 21
all the details about “this is gonna sell out fast so get us that instead and blablabla” come across are more rude than helpful to me. Honestly, if you just say “registered at BB&B and honeyfund.com” that’s totally fine.. everyone will get the point. I hate it when I’m micromanaged, especially on something like a gift.. especially if I’m being micromanaged by the bride and groom on their own gift.. it just makes me feel used. I totally know that’s not what you’re going for, just letting you know how the microdetails would make me as a guest feel. This is one of those times its better to let them read between the lines.
also, consider having the registry info on a different small card in the envelope, rather than on the invite itself. Even a business card sized thing that just says “Bride and Groom are registered at BB&B and honeyfund.com” instead of on the actual invite is significantly better.
finally “if people are so worried about us offending our friends I can always not include anything registry related in their invites, only in the invites for the people that requested.” It’s not like anyone on the forums will know what you end up doing… they’re just giving advice, you make your own decisions.
Post # 22
you are right in that etiquette is clear on this. As I said in a previous comment, I personally did not include registry info. I actually argued with my mom on that point as she told me to include it. I did not feel at all comfortable doing so because, as you said, it can sound gift grabby. I did include a details enclosure card that said to go to our website for more information. Registry is on said website. However I think we can both agree that this bride knows her family better than you or I. And at the end of the day, it should be about what you feel is right and what makes you and your guests comfortable. I know a lot of the older generation (at least from my experience) views it more as providing information than as grabbing for gifts. Formal etiquette is great when you need some pointers or if you’re not sure what to do. If she wants to do it her way, so be it. Also, no need to critique my poem. As I said, I wrote a very rough example in just a couple minutes 🙂
Post # 23
but there is no point to having a poem at all. If the social circle finds it acceptable to include registry information in the invite insert, then just come out and say where the couple is registered, and if the social circle doesn’t find it acceptable to include registry information with the invite insert, trying to disguise it with a poem is not going to change that. There is no poem you could write that would take what’s otherwise rude and make it ok. You can’t just Pinterest your way out of bad manners and it’s really foolish to pretend you can (and to advise others to do so).
Post # 24
“You can’t Pinterest your way out of bad manners.” I think this should be a chalkboard sign, and posted on Pinterest. Love it!
Post # 25
People who want to give cash will give cash. No one in the history of gift giving has ever though “gee, I wonder if this person I am giving a gift would enjoy cash?” Dont invite people to a party and tell them to bring cash. Everyone knows wedding gifts are customary and everyone knows that cash is king. Also, you are inviting 100+ people, but some ate couples which means a joint gift. Some people may not give a gift. Some will go off registry/not give cash.
Post # 26
People know you want money. It’s not a secret. Just keep your small registry and pass on by word of mouth that you’re saving for X item.
Post # 27
I can understand that. If I got it written in the form of a poem, I would think its cute. But I guess that’s probably not everyone’s taste. I think it could help convey a message in a cuter way as to not come off gift grabby. I’m assuming you disagree, and youre 100% entitled to that opinion. I just don’t understand why everyone is acting like rules of etiquette are Marshall law. I get that its proper, but she knows her guests much better than you or I do.
Post # 28
It is regional. I have never recieved an invitation that didn’t have registry info. Everyone I know would think it would be weird and confusing not to have the info as part of the inivte package. I asked my mom about it after reading on this site that it’s rude, and she said, how else would they know where you are registered? It is a pain for your guests if they have to ask. In my area, I don’t know anyone who as a website either.
I would just put in the invite that you are registered at BB&B and the honeymoon fund site. No need to expain beyond that.
Post # 29
Could you please tell us what region where including registry information in an invitation is acceptable?
No place in the United States where I’ve attended a wedding (which is basically everywhere except Indian reservations and the Pacific Northwest) has this been done. In fact, most traditional and contemporary etiquette guides frown upon it. Other countries may be a different story.
Finally, just because “no one told you” they were offended doesn’t mean they weren’t. I have a cousin who made many, many etiquette errors during wedding planning, and it ticked off enough of our family members that they didn’t attend his wedding. Does he know that’s the reason? Probably not.
Post # 30
You don’t need this sentence. If you must, list both the Bbb and honeymoon registry on the invite, if bbb is sold out ppl can choose honeymoon.