Post # 1
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens
I’m having and issue with my dad. Let me give you a bit of background… We haven’t been very close since my parents divorced when I was 6. He is often grumbly, opinionated and emotionally distant. He has two more daughters from another marriage who are 10 &13 (I’m 27).
When the topic of wedding finances came up- I asked my dad if he would be willing to contribute anything- I also said, “if not- that’s okay too- I just want to know how much we have to work with.”
When I told him how much things cost he was exasperated and said “I have two other daughters weddings I will have to pay for!” (the SOONEST this would be happening is like 10 years! They are 10 and 13!!!) and then for added measure, he threw in “I’ll never be able to retire” and “It’s stupid to have a wedding when you could just use your money to buy a house.” Ladies, my dad makes over 200k a year and he bought my sister a horse for Christmas. I never asked for a specific amount of money or even any at all- just that I wanted to know if he wanted to put anything towards the wedding. I certainly never asked him to finance the whole thing.
I have often felt as though my Dad’s “new” family has taken presidence over me and his comments really hurt my feelings. So, as a result I never brought up the subject of money again to him- I just decided that I didn’t want to twist his arm to help me, I wanted him to WANT to help. My Mom was pretty peeved with the whole thing and called him and gave him her two cents about it because she has also felt that he has played favorites with his youngest children. So, after my mom gave him him an earful he sent me a check for 5,000$.
I am so very grateful for it- but I’m having a hard time with it because I know he didn’t really want to help. I want to write him a lovely note to express my graitude- but I can’t get past “thank your so much for the money you sent to contribute towards the wedding- I know it will help us to have a beautiful celebration.” I feel like I should say so much more- but I just get stuck on my words since we really aren’t close. I need your help writing something that is meaningful… Thanks so much!
Post # 3
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
Sounds to me like you need a meaningful note that is also going to be sincere and not just full of obligatory words. How about something like:
Dear Dad,
Words cannot express how grateful I am for your contribution to my wedding. I’ve been dreaming of this day my whole life and you helped make this dream a reality. Thanks to you, I was able to invite all the important people in my life, provide them a lovely meal, dance the night away to a wonderful DJ’s music, and walk down the aisle in a dress that took everyone’s breath away. While we rarely have the opportunity to spend much time together, I find a great deal of comfort and joy in knowing that you care and love me so much. Not everyone is lucky enough to have a father that is so generous. Thank you again and I love you so much.
Love always,
I think something like this would have the emotion you are looking for, but it’s not forcing to you tell him that he’s the greatest dad in the world or anything either. Inserting actual details from your wedding help him to know that this is not a “cookie cutter” letter and he will feel special being on the receiving end. He’s still your dad and even if you have your differences, you should still make sure he feels that you are genuinely grateful for what he did.
Post # 4
Member
5654 posts
Bee Keeper
@MrsTrigger has the right words! 😉
Post # 5
Member
538 posts
Busy bee
- Wedding: September 2011 - Franciscan Gardens
@MrsTrigger: Thank you so much for taking the time to read my post and reply! Your response it awesome and just what I’m looking for. I was struggling because, like you said- I didn’t know how to write someting meaningful without saying “You’re the best dad etc” because, well I just don’t feel that way. Don’t get my wrong, I love my dad very much- but we just are not close at all. Thanks again!
Post # 6
Member
1850 posts
Buzzing bee
@MrsTrigger: Wow, that was awesome!
Post # 7
Member
148 posts
Blushing bee
@Miss Marine: No problem! I could tell you were grateful, but considering the history of your relationship it was difficult to walk that fine line of gratefulness for the gift, but not necessarily gratefulness for everything. I’m glad I could help. Best of luck!