(Closed) Need honest advice- am I being unreasonable about my husband's gaming habit?

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
Member
16 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: December 2015

Replying to follow

 

Post # 3
Member
592 posts
Busy bee

My ex boyfriend and I broke up due to his gaming habit. I’m a “WoW widow”. Yes, there is a term for it. 

Post # 4
Member
608 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: November 2015

Jenny120:  I don’t think your feelings are unreasonable. I’m a gamer, and so is my fiance (that’s how we met), but I’m not sure either of us has logged back into a game for 45 seconds while the other one went to the bathroom.

That being said… When you want to go for a walk, or want him to cook with you, or something, then say something when you want it. It sounds like he’s really perceptive and caring for your feelings when you express things – hell, he’s even picking up on your passive aggression.

As un-impulsive as it sounds, I think you should ask him if there’s one or two days a week he’d be willing to take off from the game, completely, and consistently. What this does is it means his buddies won’t be relying on him those nights for raiding, and he’ll get used to not doing it. One night out of seven is not an unreasonable request.

Post # 5
Member
238 posts
Helper bee

My SO and I both like playing video games, but I understand how they can be annoying to other people. If it makes you feel any better, he should lose interest in Destiny within a few months and not play it as much.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with playing for hours and hours. Games can be addictive, and sometimes I get way too carried away playing. It’s the same with books. Sometimes I’ll read an entire book in a day if I have the time, and I’ll completely ignore my SO because I really want to know what happens. This doesn’t bother him, though, but that’s probably because he is the most mellow person I’ve ever met.

However, he got addicted to a really annoying and boring game for a while, and I would get irritated with him because that’s all he ever wanted to do. There was no way to even pause it, so I couldn’t even ask him a question without risking his character getting eaten by a zombie. Anyway, I told him his playing so much bothered me, and he understood and stopped playing all the time.

I do think choosing a game over sex takes it a little too far. Does he have a low sex drive, or is this new? I think y’all should strike a better balance. Maybe some days he can play as much as he wants and other days it can be just you two and no games. Have you ever tried playing with him? There are games where you can get married and go on quests together, and it’s fun. =)

 

Post # 6
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

My Fiance is like this and I totally get where you are coming from. My whole family (both parents and younger brother) is like this as well so I’m used to it.

As per usual the biggest thing is communication. When it comes to regular evenings I tend to either give a time frame (ie in an hour) or a specific time (ie at 8) and just tell him “I want to spend some time together” (or ‘go for a walk’, ‘make dinner together’, ‘have some fun in the bedroom’). He’s usually pretty responsive to me when I make those requests though sometimes he does need a reminder because he ‘gets in the zone’ loses track of time

Re: the sex thing. This one is so tough, we’ve had to get very verbal about it because my previous BC killed my libido. He got tired of being shot down (and I felt so guilty about shooting him down) so we just hardly had sex. I got off of that BC in Nov. which has dramatically improved the physical situation, but old habits die hard so now I’m initiating most sex and being very clear about it and things are improving. I also have to be in bed earlier than him (11 at the latest but I should be sleeping by 1030) so I tend to initiate earlier in the evening. 

So, TL;DR version: Communication! For my Fiance gaming is like Netflix autoplaying the next episode, he’s happy to do something else but unless I verbally tell him that I want to he just keeps doing what he’s already having fun doing.

Post # 7
Member
857 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

Jenny120:  

ICallHimFarmBoy:   +1 to this. We have one night a week that is the designated ‘date night’ and we make no other commitments that night, including personal hobbies. It took people a couple of months but now nobody even asks if we want to do anything on those nights, they just know.

Post # 11
Member
74 posts
Worker bee
  • Wedding: May 2015

I really like the idea of “date night”! It will at least give you a scheduled time every week to devote to each other, to prevent you guys from drifting apart.

Both Fiance and I game and have been even before we met.  But we don’t always play the same games.  He likes action and shooters, whereas I like simulation games like the Sims or SimCity and RPGs.  Sometimes I’d be between games while he’s heavily immersed in a game.  Those times I’d be on my phone in the same room as him and ocassionally glance over to see what he’s doing.  

Other times I have games I really want to spend hours on and I feel a bit frustrated when he’s not occupied with something, because then I’d feel guilty about not spending time together. It’s not about my Fiance, I just want to get to my damn game.  It’s no different from reading a really good book.  

Post # 14
Member
633 posts
Busy bee

Jenny120:  “I guess the only reason why I see gaming as being a little different is because the gamer feels like they are part of a team, so even if they would be ok with dropping the game temporarily for themselves they feel like they need to finish what they are doing for the team.”

My partner and I are both gamers, and this right here is why we stopped playing most MMOs. We now generally only play single-player console or PC games precisely because we can pick them up and set them down whenever we want.

It’s also easy to unthinkingly tap into a game at every idle moment, if it’s on your mind. I’ve totally said “I’m going to be ready to leave in 10 minutes, please don’t log in to XYZ game.” My partner knows I’m not judging or scolding, simply giving a heads up that ‘no, you don’t have time to get invested’.

Post # 15
Member
9044 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper

Jenny120:  Is he not wanting sex at all or is he just not jumping when you want sex right then (before 11:30pm)? Because there is a big difference. If it is that he doesn’t want to have sex to your timeframe then you both need to compromise. Expecting him to come have sex just because you want to is not fair just as much as if he is also ignoring your advances all the time. You both need to give a little.

If he has zero interest in you (which from what you posted it doesn’t sound like it since he is still doing things with you) then that is entirely different and you both need to sit down and listen to each others wants.

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