- 5 years ago
I want to clarify first thing that my husband is a very hard worker who is dedicated to our relationship and to planning for our future. He absolutely deserves a chance to relax and indulge in hobbies. I’m seeking advice because my own selfish nature makes it difficult for me to understand/appreciate his gaming habits. In my opinion, the scenario I am about to explain is not ideal, but it technically is not horrible either; I just need help finding an emotional peace with the situation.
My husband and I have been together for a total of 5 years, married for 6 months. We both work full time and he is also a full time student in a difficult major but he is doing very well. I know that he gets worn out but lately I have been caught off guard by the amount of time he spends gaming. He has always liked video games and he told me that he had a bit of an addiction to them back in high school. Throughout our relationship his gaming mostly presented itself as an occasional indulgence so I never thought much of it. However, he bought Destiny a couple of months ago and now he plays any spare chance that he has. Thankfully the game is not getting in the way of his job performance or his grades and I truly believe that it never will because he is so career driven. That is why I said I am seeking advice from a selfish standpoint.
Lately I have been getting irrationally irritable and even passive aggressive due to the constant gaming. I feel really dumb for letting myself turn this into a huge issue but I can’t seem to help it. I just get frustrated because I am surrounded by this game day after day. It seeps into every spare moment… literally. For example, last Saturday we woke up and he immediately started gaming while I took my shower. We had plans to have a date day together and I was very excited for the one on one time. We were just about to walk out the door when I decided to use the bathroom because I wasn’t sure when I would be near another one. This took like 45 seconds. When I came back out he was already back in his chair with the headphones on! I was seriously afraid that he had gotten into another of his “raids” or something and that I would have to sit around and wait for 20 minutes. (He hadn’t and got off immediately, but that fear is always looming on the horizon).
Anyways, I am not super needy and could probably handle the day to day gaming habits without getting frustrated if it weren’t for the effect it has on sex. I work exhausting, 11 hour days and I like to be in bed by 11:30 at the latest because I start work at 7am. That being said, I am generally not in the mood by the time 11:30pm rolls around, especially after being around many consecutive hours of his game. Unfortunately, he gets highly involved in the game and will generally blow off any hints I give about a desire for intimacy earlier in the night, hoping that I will be up for it later. I shake it off and sit on the couch with Weddingbee like a content slob, rather than like the wonderful, fun, spontaneous wife I was hoping to be.
Like I said, he works hard and deserves his hobbies. I spend plenty of time on my computer, reading books, or whatever. Video games just seem to have such a time commitment with “raids” and whatnot. They seem hard to interrupt for other activities (I really miss random walks, cooking together, and other activities that would pop up just because we had the time). I guess I just feel conflicted because I want to support him and help him through these next two difficult years while he wraps up school and I want to provide a safe haven where I can let him unwind. At the same time, I want to look back on our first year of marriage with fond memories of our time together, but right now I feel bored to death and annoyed. By the way, he knows that I find video games annoying at times and he can totally pick up on my unintended passive aggressiveness (it really is accidental. I’ll just get frustrated all of a sudden and it shows through). Therefore, I haven’t been totally holding this all in but I haven’t wanted to totally ruin his favorite way to relax either.
Are my emotions and frustrations reasonable? If your SO’s favorite way to unwind after a really rough week was something that drove you crazy, what would you do? For bees who actually like gaming, is there a side to the story that I’m not understanding? For bees with gamer SO’s, do you have advice or a similar story?