(Closed) Need honest opinions – are we being irrational?

posted 5 years ago in Family
Post # 3
Member
1177 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

You’re not being irrational, but surely you see that there’s nothing you can do about this situation. As you say, a first grandchild is always going to be more exciting to the grandparents than a wedding. Trying to exclude that grandchild because you want to be the center of everyone’s attention just makes you look petty. I don’t think that’s the kind of attention you’re looking for, is it? You’re going to have a relationship with these people for a very long time – trying to control who and what they pay attention to in this situation won’t reflect well on you.

There are going to be a lot of people at the dinner (and the wedding) other than your FI’s parents. You need to try and let go of your expectations of being the center of their attention, and instead focus on all the others guests who will be there to celebrate you as a couple. 

Post # 4
Member
437 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: September 2013

@rr8502:  maybe I’m in the wrong too, but I completely understand where you’re coming from and would feel the same way 🙁  Weddings ARE about families coming together, true, but it really shouldn’t be too much to ask that the focus be on you and your fiance/husband for the day of your rehearsal and wedding.  The fact that extended family is coming from far away and meeting the baby for the first time complicates things though.  Are they going to be in town after the wedding too, where they could spend some time with the baby then?  

My brother got engaged a few weeks after I did, on a holiday weekend when I was going to get to show my ring etc to my extended family for the first time.  Needless to say the attention was shifted to my brother and his then-fiance.  And I was so excited for them too, but a little bit selfishly disappointed I had to share the spotlight (actually, I didn’t have to share it, because I wasn’t in it at all anymore!)…

Post # 5
Member
4313 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: November 1999

NM, I read that wrong!  

Post # 9
Member
301 posts
Helper bee

I completely get where you’re coming from, and understand that this is your big day and it might hurt to feel like the future in laws are excited about welcoming you to their family. I’d mention something to Fiance and see what he thinks about saying to his parents something like “rr8502 is really excited to be joining our family. I feel like you guys have been so excited about younger brother and new grandbaby that she might feel left out.” If he makes it about you without throwing you under the bus, it’s not either of you directly saying “Pay attention to us”. I don’t know what his family is like so you will have to be the judge of it.

Post # 10
Member
8695 posts
Bumble Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2013

I dont think there is much you can do. If anything, I would have my

Fiance handle it if he really feels upset.

Post # 11
Member
2457 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

I totally get where you’re coming from. If they’re paying for the rehearsal dinner, who is paying for the wedding? Maybe they can compromise with you and bring the baby to the rehearsal, and not to the wedding? If they’re not paying for that also, they can’t use the same argument.

Post # 12
Member
3572 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2011

While I can see your point of view, you sound jealous of a baby.  Not just any baby, your soon to be neice!  I think you should focus on enjoying the night.  Surely your family will be fussing over you and not the baby.  The baby will probably be asleep for part of the dinner anyway.

ETA: I think you are taking their actions personally when they’re not meant to be.  It’s not that they don’t care about your wedding, it’s that there is a new baby and that is really a life changing thing for a family.  First grandchildren, especially!

Post # 13
Member
45 posts
Newbee
  • Wedding: August 2013

You can’t change the fact that the baby will be there, but you are completely right in feeling slighted. My suggestion is to enjoy the attention that your side of the family will be giving you, it sucks that his family can’t do the same but take advantage of the good things and ignore the people who don’t seem to get that you are the important ones. You’ll regret not focusing on the good later b/c you can’t change his parents no matter what but you can change how you let it effect you.Best of luck. 🙂

Post # 14
Member
60 posts
Worker bee

I would view your engagement and wedding to be an opportunity to unite your families under one roof, enjoy the evening…I really disagree with this mentality of ‘it’s all about us’.  While I do understand this irrational jealousy, take a step back and think about it for a second…do you really need his parents to gush about your wedding? All that matters is what you and your Fiance think, don’t let others influence your excitement for the beginning to the next milestone of your life. 

You are not getting married to be in the spotlight for an evening, or to be gushed over about and showered with attention, you are getting married to publicly choose to be with your Fiance for the rest of your life.  That’s what’s important.  Everything else seems trivial.

Post # 15
Member
556 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: January 2014

I think it’s normal what you’re feeling but don’t let it get in the way of your special day. You are marring the man you love, isn’t that what’s important? Besides, you don’t want to look petty, or give the wrong idea about the person you are, do you?

If you feel really resentfull about it, I would talk to your Fiance and ask him to have a nice, calm talk with his parents about him being upset that they don’t seam to care about you or your life together, and be quiet about the baby for just one day.

 

Post # 16
Member
1399 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: July 2013

@rr8502:  You’re not being irrational- it sucks 😮 I’m sure no one is meaning to steal your thunder, but they totally are. His family should understand that you guys deserve some attention/excitement, as well… but if they don’t, there’s not much to be done about it. :- Find people who ARE excited for your (your family, best friends, bees) and talk to them instead :oP

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