(Closed) Need invitation wording advice..

posted 5 years ago in Etiquette
Post # 3
Member
5080 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: October 2012

deleted since I think my answer was wrong

Post # 4
Member
45658 posts
Honey Beekeeper
  • Wedding: November 1999

Or, you could decide which battle you would like to fight. Is it really worth arguing about whose names are on the invitation? Or, is long term peace and an amicable relationship a bigger goal?

Post # 5
Member
1689 posts
Bumble bee

@littlegreenleaf:  An invitation is supposed to tell your guests the things they need to know to attend your event:

  • WHO is hosting the event
  • WHOM they are inviting
  • WHAT the event is
  • WHEN it is happening
  • WHERE it is happening

It isn’t a theatre marquee on which to post the credits for the entire production, or an Oscars thank-you speech for acknowledging everyone in the whole life story, although there are people who feel that the glory of seeing their name on the invitation is more important than just letting the invitation serve its purpose.

A Truly Proper Formal Invitation starts with the name of One (1) Hostess, and optionally her husband. Only women’s clubs where invitations are issued by the social committee properly have multiple hostesses, and even then the stuffiest clubs issue the invitation in the name of the club’s or committee’s chairwoman. “Hostess” does not mean “the person who paid.” Pyments, money, finances: these things are supposed to be kept private and not aired in public. The “hostess” is the person who takes responsibility (and therefore has the right to make all the decisions) about the comfort and entertainment of the guests for the duration of the event. That is why there can properly be only one hostess: because the buck has to stop somewhere. “Truly Proper Traditional Good Manners” requires that the hostess be the bride’s kinswoman; to avoid the appearance that the bride is ashamed of her roots and trying to ditch her family for a better one.

There are thre

e “truly proper” ways that your wedding might proceed, and three different ways for your invitation to reflect this:

1) If your father has remarried, his wife can give the reception. Your mother, and the groom’s mother, can at your discretion be named as part of the “WHAT” section of the invitation to help your more distant relatives remember who you are:

Mr and Mrs Daddy Leaf
request the pleasure of the company of
leave a space here to write in the guests names
so that you don’t need to use an inner envelope
to the marriage of
Little Green
his daughter with Ms Mummies Current Name
to
Mr Future Intended
son of Mr and Mrs His Parents
on Saturday the second of November at two o’clock
at First Baptist Church

2) If your father has not remarried, he can discreetly fund either your mother or one of his sisters/cousins/aunts/mothers, who will give the party on his behalf. Let’s assume he gets his widowed mother to do it because he can’t stand the idea of giving money to your mother:

Mrs Grampafirstname Leaf
requests the pleasure of the company of
leave a space here to write in the guests names
so that you don’t need to use an inner envelope
to the marriage of her granddaughter
Little Green
daughter of
Mr Daddy Leaf
Ms Mummies Current Name
to
Mr Future Intended
&tc…

 3) Finally, if you want to be the one with the responsibilities and rights to make all the decisions, you can throw your own party with your father’s money:

Miss Little Green Leaf
daughter of
Mr Daddy Leaf
Ms Mummies Current Name
requests the pleasure of the company of
leave a space here to write in the guests names
so that you don’t need to use an inner envelope
to her marriage to
Mr Future Intended &tc…

The fact that your future mother-in-law is giving a rehearsal dinner has nothing to do with the wedding invitations. She will send out her own invitations as hostess of that event, and she will do it in her own style which will allow her to see her own name in whatever font and font-size she wishes.

Since the late twentieth century, etiquette has bent the rule that only married couples should co-host a social event, to allow almost-married couples to co-host the event. Since the mid-twentieth century it has become extremely common to omit the write-in line and use “the pleasure of your company” instead (but then you do have to plan on using inner envelopes). Also since the late twentieth century, the honorific “Miss” has fallen out of use for grown-up women, although never-married ladies who were in their maturity before “Ms” was reintroduced do generally continue to use “Miss”. Properly you should never give a party in honour of yourself: traditional wedding receptions were given by the bride’s kinswoman with the bride and groom as guests of honour. Guests of honour can also be noted in the lower right or lower left corner in smaller print, the same place where dress codes, the letters “R.s.v.p.” and the information “Reception to follow” or “Dancing” might be noted. So you could also write:

 Ms Little Green Leaf
and
Mr Future Intended
request the pleasure of your company at
their wedding
on &tc …

In honour of our parents
Ms Mummies Current Name
Mr Daddy Leaf
Mr Futures Daddy and Ms Kept Herownname

 

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