Post # 1
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
All,
I think we just made a big error, not on purpose. Apprently we have offended many people by not inviting them to the rehearsal dinner, and people are really mad. We thought the rehearsal dinner was for the people IN the wedding – we really didnt know!!
In this particular case its the girlfriend of one of the gromsmen that we offended and we are crushed by it. Please let me know who is supposed to go to a rehearal dinner??? We are going to extend invites anyway, but I have to know what I did wrong! Please help.
Post # 3
Hostess
18637 posts
Honey Beekeeper
Usually you invite the people in the wedding and their dates to the rehearsal dinner along with immediate family.
Post # 4
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
the rehearsal dinners that i’ve been to was for immediate family and those actually IN the wedding. just because she is dating a groomsman doesnt automatically mean she MUST be invited, atleast thats my opinion.
Post # 5
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
Rehearsal dinners can include either just the people in the wedding, wedding party + family members, or wedding party + family members + Out of Town Guests. Any of the above options are perfectly acceptable, it just depends on your budget and norm in your area what you choose.
However, if you are just inviting the wedding party I think it is always polite to invite them with their SO if possible.
Post # 6
Member
1498 posts
Bumble bee
I agree with @bells you don’t HAVE to invite the dates, but i’d recommend it if the wedding is out of town and the dates are traveling with the people in your wedding party.
I’ve been to an out of town rehearsal where dates weren’t invited and I (as well as my date) was offended. In town is a different story, since he/she can just eat at home like any other night.
Post # 7
Member
720 posts
Busy bee
We invited parents, bridal party with their significant other (or guest), readers & significant others, and officiant (with a guest).
Basically everyone who’s invited is allowed to bring a guest, whether they’re married or dating someone or not.
Post # 8
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
Oh boy, I feel just awful!!! I dont know if this is even fixable!
The person most offended is in-town. But we honestly thought that the rehearsal dinner was for the people going to the reception. We thought is was like a ‘thank you for taking your time to come to our church to rehearse’ type of thing – perhaps we took it too literally. I’m ready to cry.
The person we offended basically said she’d be at the wedding, but we shouldnt depend on her for any assistance with the menus (she’s the person helping us with the printing of the paper goods). Its going to ruin a friendship and I’m crushed!
Post # 9
Member
2006 posts
Buzzing bee
@heathere: While not inviting her was a sight mishap/misjudgment, I think the Girlfriend is COMPLETELY OVERREACTING!! Even if she was offended by the lack of an invitation she should have kept it to herself :/
Post # 10
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
weddings are so rough. you only do them once, and its like you are supposed to know all the rules on how to plan these things properly. we made a mistake and I wish we knew. I’m so sad… I’m actually crying now.
Post # 11
Member
553 posts
Busy bee
oh heathere! Really, she should be embarrassed for causing you to feel so guilty. She should not be automatically invited. What does this woman have to rehearse for? Why does she feel so entitled? I am angry with her for making you so upset!
If you really want to extend an invite, I would just honestly tell her that you didn’t mean to offend her but that you were keeping the invite list small and intimate. However, you would like to extend the invite now and that you would be honored to have her. If I were you, I would tell the groomsmen that due to money, you were keeping the guest list small and that no one is getting a date. I would not extend the invite.
Post # 12
Member
1310 posts
Bumble bee
Oh don’t cry!!! 🙁 Really she is the one being rude. What kind of a beast makes the bride cry about the rehearsal dinner? I mean really. She doesn’t have that much room to be offended, no one is “owed” an invitation to the R.D. except the people actually in the wedding. It’s nice to invite more people, but not everybody can afford to do that. It’s not supposed to be a second reception. We almost decided against having a rehearsal dinner, period. The bride and groom will see eveybody the next day!
Please don’t feel bad… wish I could give you a hug!
Post # 13
Member
58 posts
Worker bee
She is a very close friend who has been helping out with our wedding with paper goods – invitations and stuff. I completely accept the responsibility for this mistake. We (FH and I) always said that after the wedding we were going to surprse her by taking her and her BF for dinner, but we never told her…. We should have. She probably feels like we dont appreciate all she’s done. I feel so bad that I made this error.
and to all brides – get a book on etiquitte if you are early on in the planning stages and you feel unsure about what ou are doing!! Or just ask here!! For the few dollars you spend on a book it will save you a lot of arguements and friendships. We are going to keep trying to fix this, but I dont know if she will want to be friends with us again. I’ll send an update once I know.
Post # 14
Member
1765 posts
Buzzing bee
At least in the past, it was the groom’s family who paid for the rehearsal dinner, (because the bride’s family paid for the wedding) . The R. D. was JUST the B & G, their parents and the people in the wedding party-as a thank you for attending the rehearsal, and thank you for your role in our wedding. It was never meant to be a second reception. It seems like she is being out of line-not you.
Post # 15
Member
446 posts
Helper bee
I feel so bad for you, but … this is your wedding, not hers, and you do what is right for you.
Honestly, I say tough luck if she feels offended. First, it was obviously not malicious or intentional, and I’m sure she will be able to tell that after talking to you. It’s not like you’re an expert at weddings or anything (assuming this is your first wedding!) Second, like I stated above, it is your wedding, and you invite who you want to invite. Third, you are paying for the rehearsal dinner so even if it is more typical than not to invite dates, that means you are paying for the entire wedding party’s dinner, times two. Fourth, she is not an out of town guest, so it’s not as if she is sitting alone by herself in a hotel room without any other contacts or transportation in a foreign city without her significant other.
So she needs to stop being immature and put herself in your position. Sometimes it is just not financially feasible to invite significant others to the Rehearsal Dinner. My best friend did not, and no one’s feelings were hurt, as far as I know.
For my wedding, we will be inviting all out of town family, wedding party and their families (including children). However, almost the entire wedding party will be from out of town. My sister also had many out of town guests and only invited the immediate family and wedding party with their significant others, no out of town family.
My FI’s sister only invited immediate family to the Rehearsal Dinner, meaning only the brides and groom’s immediate family + grandma. I was the only non-family member invited, we were not engaged at the time.
Post # 16
Member
9029 posts
Buzzing Beekeeper
that is a huge overreaction on her part.
Member