(Closed) Need MOH/bridesmaid advice ASAP!!

posted 6 years ago in Bridesmaids
Post # 3
2715 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: September 2012

Yikes!  Thats a bummer about your friend.  Is there anyway you can try and work it out still?  It would suck to lose a good friendship over 1 argument.  I think what you should do is forget about how this will affect your wedding for a while and try and focus on the friendship.  When you get a bit closer, you can re-evaluate how you feel.  If it’s still a problem and she still wants to just attend as a guest, then I would let her. But if she does attend as a guest, don’t ask another friend.  You don’t want that friend to feel like just a filler and you don’t want your former Maid/Matron of Honor to feel replacable.

Post # 4
48 posts
  • Wedding: August 2013

While it seems as though you may consider her to be a good friend, she may not feel the same about you. If she has asked to step down, I say go ahead and let her. I was in a similar situation and kept getting the signs and continued to moved forward. On her wedding day, she was so rude and ugly to me where I wish I didn’t even show up. With that being said, your wedding day will special the last thing you want is to be upset because someone is not being supportive or fufilling their duties. 

As far as her being a guest, how do you feel about her showing up, it is all up to you. I wouldn’t worry about whether she would show up or not, send the invite if you want and just wipe your hands of it and if she shows up or not don’t worry about it. If you feel that you don’t want to invite her because you feel that maybe it’s not fair or it may cause an issue then don’t invite her, it is entirely up to you. Ask your groom how he would feel if she wasn’t their maybe his opinion would help.

Lastly, do not ask anyone else to be in the wedding. I am sure they would feel like an afterthought, how would you feel if it was you? The numbers may be uneven, but will it truly matter, after all the only two numbers that matter are you and your groom. Besides, it should still look okay walking in, because all the Bridesmaid or Best Man will have attendants to walk them in, seeing the the Best Man comes in with the groom. My number will not be even and that is okay, I want the most important, and supportive people standing up there with us that day, no fillers. 

Hope this helps.

Post # 5
264 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: February 2013

Same thing happened to me! I asked my best friend to be my Maid/Matron of Honor. We have been best friends for years but she was late to everything.. If she even showed up at all. Her excuse “so and so asked me to do something first” It was so frustrating.. She would make comments about me letting her know what my plans were so she could put me in her calendar! She didn’t even make time to pick up her dress I had to do it. I had it for 2 months before she made time to try it on. She didn’t even take it with her she left it at my house. Then on my 6 year anniversary of my fathers death she asked for her dress back and told me she didn’t want anything to do with me or my wedding! Her reason? I talk about my wedding to much!! I am a lot less stressed now that she isn’t in the wedding but I am angry at her for making the first few months hell! I’m sorry you are going through this but it is nice to know I am not alone. I wish my Maid/Matron of Honor and I could have worked out our issues because I love her dearly but she wasn’t willing to. Before you make a decision maybe you should have a face to face talk with her. Best of luck to you!

Post # 6
6 posts

@MrsUNClover:  I’m praying that your hearts heal from each of these moments dealing with your BFFs.  Because my wedding party is small, I refuse to have drama.  When I selected my Maid/Matron of Honor, I had to think about everything from a “GOING THROUGH” perspective.  Here’s what I mean.  My fiance and I had a tough time in our dating stages dealing with an exboyfriend of mine which almost caused our relationship to end.  BUT when I called my Maid/Matron of Honor, the first thing she told me was NO this can’t happen and here is why. God placed my “Boyfriend” at the time in my life for a reason.  He sent him here to clean house and to restore and to move forward and that’s what’s happened.  When I tell you all she listened when I cried and prayed me through this situation I mean she did it all.  She’s been my BFF for the past 8 years and I am so grateful that she is asking the questions like, have you picked out a dress, what dresses have you picked out for us, and she understands that it’s my day and she also told me “STRESS WILL HAVE NO PLACE IN THE PLANNING OF THIS DAY”.  We pray all the time and I wouldn’t trade her for no one else.  She’s seen too much of what I’ve been through being a divorcee and a single mom of 3 and to know that God has shown favor to send me someone who loves me unconditionally.  My advice in yoru situations (if you haven’t come to a decision and this is for anyone in the future as well) pray and ask God to reveal to you who he would want to stand as your witnesses (MOH, Bridesmaids).  All of mine (although it’s only 3) have HISTORY of my life going from 14 yrs down to 2 years. God Bless.

Post # 7
308 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2013

Same situation here! My Maid/Matron of Honor just goes MIA for long periods of time. I had to remind her over and over and over again to get in to get measured for her dress so that we can place the order for all of the dresses, I really was getting worried that the dresses wouldn’t come in on time. I finally got really mad (which I don’t tend to do, I actually am a very patient person) and she finally responded to me saying, “I’m not ignoring you because I want to. I just have a lot going on right now and I can’t afford to pay for the dress and my mom won’t help me, etc, etc.” I was on the brink of parting ways, but I really don’t have anyone else to ask to be a bridesmaid (I already had to kick someone out and someone else had to back out because she’s in the Navy and will be leaving on a ship). I know my Maid/Matron of Honor is going through a lot (just lost her job, got evicted from her apartment, having troubles with her bf and family issues), so I told her I would pay for half of her dress and I will still be keeping her as my Maid/Matron of Honor.

For your situation, if it were me and she said she would step down I probably would ask her to then. Especially if you do have someone else to replace her.

Hope things go better for you in the future!

Post # 8
22 posts

I don’t think that any of the BMs will feel like an afterthought. They will understand the situation. And at this point, I think it’s best that one of them take the role. They have supported you this far and through the Maid/Matron of Honor drama. 

As far as your Maid/Matron of Honor, acceot her resignation fro the brial party. take a few weeks (if time permits) to cool off from the situation and consider if you want her as a guest. You need to make the decision with a clear mind. If you want her, send the invitation. If you don’t respectfully email explaining that you will be keep the wedding small and have already fille your seats. Don’t say that she is uninvited or replaced, that blocks an opportunity for future rebuilding if it happens. Just say that the chairs have been filled so it’s about space and not her. 

Post # 9
495 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: July 2016

Same thing happened to me when I tired planning a wedding the first time… I took right out of my wedding. There is no excuse and it shouldnt be tolerated. A true friend would never make excuses for this kind of sitation nor would they blame it on you.

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