(Closed) need objective advice

posted 5 years ago in Long Distance Relationships
Post # 3
6015 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: March 2012

He sounds really busy with travel for work and starting your own company isn’t easy.  I’d hold off talking about the communication thing, some guys just don’t think about calling on the phone. I’d be more patient about everything until you move closer, you two will see each other more, and that will help with alot of your concerns. 

Post # 4
4495 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: October 2013

I think it sounds like he’s probably just busy. Some people also just aren’t that into texting. I have some friends that are animated chatterboxes in person, but in a text they give one word responses and hardly ever initiate a conversation. It sounds like when he is with you he really wants to be with you so it doesn’t make me question it too much.

In regard to being exclusive, maybe you should have a chat about how he feels about it. Its a big committment when you’re long distance. He might be open to it since you’ll be living close by soon. Or he might think its better to wait until you actually get there. You’ll never really know unless you discuss.

Post # 5
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

this can be kind of tricky. Dont take what I say at face value because youll probably drive yourself nuts. And I am the queen of over analyzing. But if I were in your shoes, I would be thinking one of two things. First, he does have a very demanding work schedule. He is probably speaking to you as often as he can. Girls tend to cling to their SO when they dont really know where they stand with them, which might push him away. You dont want to do that. 

And then two, you might not be the only girl in his life. This is more unlikely than the latter(by the sounds of it). But you should be aware of the fact that what happened while you two were abroad might happen more often than not with him. Im not saying lose all trust but if you dont know where you stand, it could cause some complications.

I feel like, if it were me, I would ask him outright. Just ask him if htere is anyone else. Because here you are hanging on his every text (maybe, i dont know. this is a hypothetical me im talking about so lets just pretend your hanging on his every text) while hes out galavanting the globe. You deserve to know if you should be wasting time or not. 

Ill give you some advice my sister gave me about the same situation. Just because your in this love that feels like it should belong in a movie, doesnt mean you should be looking at this with rose tinted glasses. Its all amazing and maybe meant to be but you have to look at it from an objective standpoint rather than the fairytale you want your maid of honor to toast about at wedding reception.

Take it from someone who is going through almost this same state of affairs. I thought the sun shined out of his ass until I stepped back and looked at the bigger picture. Well I still think the sun shines out of his ass but thats because I learned that i love him for him and not his sexy scottish accent and the fact that you just cant write the shit that happens to the two of us.

Like I said, I over analize everything.

Post # 7
109 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: December 2013

@6thousandmiles:  Yeah distance does suck! But im glad that you’ll give yourself some peace of mind by having that “exclusive or not?” talk. Its kind of a necessary awkward. But it sounds to me like youve got him figured out pretty well

Post # 8
5955 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: April 2013

Here’s my take.  I have been in a very similar situation and I’m now married to the guy so I’m an expert (ha ha, kidding!  About the expert part, not about the similar situation, or the married part).

I subscribe to a light version of “The Rules.”  It’s this really old fashioned book all about how to play hard to get.  I know it sounds insane, but I think the philosophy of hard to get is generally effective.  if you don’t beleive me, run the idea past some of your guy friends and see what they have to say.  

The Rules basically say that you need to let a guy chase you.  Men thrive on the chase for some reason.  And it helps to divide the guys who are seriously into you from those who are kind of playing you, which helps protect you from getting too attached and getting your heart broken.  


Therefore, I’d take this approach:

1) Do NOT bring up being exclusive, and in fact I’d suggest that you resist being exclusive until he makes some sort of big gesture reglating to moving to be with you.  Why should you be exclusive with some guy who lives 9 time zones away and you only met a couple of months ago?  That’s a recipe for disaster.

2) Try to let him initiate contact…at least two thirds of the time.  You want to have him reaching out to you more oftne than you reach out to him.

3) Be really pleasent to be around, and be pleased to hear from him, but stay away from anything that could be precieved as “needy.”  Don’t tell him to call you more, etc.  In fact, occassionally screen his calls, especially if he’s contacting you on a night when you should be out (like a Saturday night).

4) Date other guys and keep busy with your personal committments.  

This is not the most PC thing in the world.  A lot of people might not like my opinion.  But in many cases, it’s going to be the most effective approach at weeding out if this is the guy for you or if he’s just going to break your heart.  If he’s really into you, withholding a little attention will drive him crazy (in a good way).  It’s sort of like foreplay.  If he’s not that into you he’ll stop calling and you’ll find out before he has a chance to really break your heart.


Don’t try to analyze his behavior – do an experiment instead.  Try this out and see what happens.  Then you’ll know if he’s just busy or if you like him more than he likes you.

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