(Closed) Need Opinion – Does this Description make sense?

posted 7 years ago in Gifts and Registries
  • poll: Does this Description make sense? Can you picture her in your mind???
    yes : (0 votes)
    no : (4 votes)
    57 %
    other - suggestions/etc : (3 votes)
    43 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    Pretty much. You don’t mention the color of her clothes though. And I’m confused about the rose… is she wearing a necklace? Because you say that the viewer “thought” they could see a black rose hanging from a silver necklace.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3788 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: July 2011

    What’s the purpose of the piece? Is it going to accompany the art for your FI? Or is it strictly a description for the artist? It kind of reads like a snippet from a genre Harlequin type book, which could work for your Fiance but to the artist it just seems kind of… a lot, for lack of a good way to phrase it. I guess I would be a little more utilitarian, like “she is wearing a necklace with a black rose pendant that nestles in her décolletage” and a little less “the image of a rose teases the eye from the valley of her breasts” Incidentally, that seems contradictory to me since she is previously described as not overly endowed, and I guess this is a case where straightforward description might be the better option over decorative language. Kat’s example is a good point along the same lines.

    Post # 6
    Member
    8738 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: September 2011

    @Zinzerena: You can give a lot of detail without the flowery language.

    Describe her figure in detail, the colors of her clothes, the way they fall, the WAY her hair is pinned. Those types of descriptions go a lot farther in helping with visualization then the romance novel-esqe language above.

    The topic ‘Need Opinion – Does this Description make sense?’ is closed to new replies.

    Find Amazing Vendors