(Closed) Need opinions from both brides AND parents…

posted 5 years ago in The Lounge
  • poll: What would you do? What's appropriate?
    Take him and chance it. : (9 votes)
    23 %
    Leave him 3 hours away. : (20 votes)
    50 %
    Skip wedding :( : (11 votes)
    28 %
  • Post # 3
    Member
    7990 posts
    Bumble Beekeeper
    • Wedding: August 2012

    Well…honestly the space excuse is often just a nice way of saying they don’t want kids at the wedding. Can you call them and ask? Maybe they would make the exception since he is so young and still nursing. I personally would be a bit annoyed if someone just showed up with a kid unannounced when the wedding was supposed to be child-free.

    Post # 4
    Member
    3476 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA

    I would call the bride and/or groom and ask them– more than likely they would rather you be there, then have to skip it all together. And they will understand that you tried to make other arrangements and they fell through. Not to mention having a 5 wk old is pretty understandable why you don’t want to leave him so far away.

    Most brides I’ve worked with who truly wanted no kids weddings (meaning it wasn’t because of financial restraints) didn’t really care about the infants– it’s the kids 1-10 that are the main concern, so long as he’s quiet during the ceremony (or you take him outside if he’s not) then I don’t think it’ll be an issue.

    Post # 6
    Member
    2810 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    @KansasPrincess11:  I would have your DH toss in the fact that you guys would sit by the door and remove him right away if he starts fussing a little. I’ll bet that would go a long way towards relieving the concerns about disrupting the ceremony, which I assume is their primary concern.

    Post # 7
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    @Westwood:  Agreed.

    If you are unsure, talk to the bride or groom directly. But it sounds like they want a kid free wedding. I would be majorly pissed if someone showed up with a kid. But if the bride does make an exception, then she will probably have to deal with annoyance from all the other moms she said “no” to.

    Post # 8
    Member
    4755 posts
    Honey bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    I had a no kid wedding. While I made the exception under pressure I did NOT want kids there. I also made it clear that I will not accomodate the child in anyway. Loud music, and open bar in my mind are no place for infants and I wasn’t going to compramise any of that.

    My cousin had a newborn she asked if she could bring him- I said I’d prefer not… the wedding is no place for the baby. So according to her she pumped extra milk to have a reserve for her MIL to watch the baby for the evening. She left the baby at home with MIL and let’s just say is was the best decision ever. My cousin who isn’t a drinker drank heavily. She said she had a wonderful time without the baby.

    Post # 9
    Member
    602 posts
    Busy bee
    • Wedding: October 2010

    I think whatever you wind up doing,  it is a bad idea to showup with a baby without telling the couple.

    Post # 10
    Member
    285 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: June 2013

    I agree with other PP’s.  You have nothing to lose by simply asking if you can bring the baby if you promise to sit close to an exit, and understand the surroundings will not neceessarily be “baby friendly”.  Having your hubs tell your friends about your current situation (original babysitter lined up can no longer help), they may be more inclined to let you.  But I would NOT bring the baby without telling them.  That always upsets people, just not being aware.

    If you trust the baby with your mother in law, I see no problem with leaving him with her. It’s a couple of hours away yes, but it’s not too bad, and like you said – you know he is in good hands!  You two should be able to enjoy a nice night out together, worry free.

     

     

    Post # 11
    Member
    314 posts
    Helper bee
    • Wedding: May 2012

    It seems like the best and most comfortable choice for everyone is to simply skip the wedding. Of course, if you ask the bride/groom if you can bring your infant they are going to say yes, out of courtsey when they probably really want to scream no, plus it puts them in an awkward situaytion by putting them on the spot. If they have made a point to tell their relatives and close frineds no kids then it makes sense that people who they are not as close too are not allowed to bring kids as well. You can always go see them after their wedding and explain why you didnt get to go or leave the baby with your mom three hours away. DON’T just show up baby in tow though. 

    Post # 12
    Member
    1115 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: October 2012

    I would ask them.  If I were the bride, I would say yes and not mind at all, simply because you are being courteous enough to ask AND reassuring them that you won’t let a screaming baby ruin their ceremony.

    We are having a mostly no kids wedding, and the only reason is because unfortunately, my FI has several family members whose children are ill-behaved & the parents do not keep them in line at formal events.  If one of these kids had a tantrum during our ceremony, the parents wouldn’t remove them; they’d watch and laugh and think it’s cute.  I think a lot of (I know not all, but I’m willing to say most) people who have no kid weddings are just trying to avoid situations like this.

    I would have no problem with you bringing your baby, since you seem like a respectful person.  Smile  Don’t just show up with the baby, though; I feel like that always upsets people because it gives the impression that you don’t care about their request.

    Post # 14
    Member
    10454 posts
    Sugar Beekeeper
    • Wedding: February 2014

    As a bride… I would probably prefer you come and just bring him to the reception. It will be loud and noisy anyway so even if he cried, it’s not a HUGE deal. However, I would suggest asking if they would prefer you skip the ceremony. 

    From my perspective, I don’t really care of some if my guests skip the ceremony. It’s not like I’ll have a chance to talk to them while saying my vows! So I probably wouldn’t even notice, especially since you say you aren’t terribly close to them. 

    Post # 15
    Member
    1141 posts
    Bumble bee
    • Wedding: July 2012

    We have friends in the same boat, their solution was to have groom go alone. Also I would call the bride and let her know groom will be coming alone now due to nursing issues. That way if they want to extend the invite to bring him they can. And if they don’t then you know.

    Post # 16
    Member
    2697 posts
    Sugar bee
    • Wedding: June 2012

    ..I would be pissed at paying for your uneaten meals, ESPECIALLY if you came and split!

    Just call the groom.

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