Post # 1
DH and I have a wedding we’re going to on Saturday night, we have a 5 week old little boy. Originally we were going to have my Mom watch him at a friends house just 30 minutes away so we could go back between the ceremony and reception and I could nurse. My mom had a conflict come up and can’t watch him now. My MIL can’t make it to the city that the wedding is in and I honestly don’t trust him with anyone else.
Our son was born after the invitations were sent out so they couldn’t have included him on the envelope, BUT I have other girlfriends going to the wedding with older kids (but still under 1 year) and they weren’t included on the invite. ONe of the girls emailed the grooms sister asking if kids were allowed and her response was: “They would prefer not because of space issues”
Our options are: Don’t go to the wedding (I’d prefer this not be an option at all)….Take him and risk offending someone….Leave him with my MIL 3 hours away.
Since our 5 week old obviously wouldn’t take up any space and we would hold him, and I promise we would sit close to the door so if he got fussy we could quietly excuse ourselves, do you think it would be inappropriate to take him? Honestly we live in a pretty small area and most weddings aren’t as nice as this but the bride comes from a nicer (classier? LOL) family than the rest of us so we’ve never had to deal with this, every wedding it’s just known that kiddos will be there.
Post # 3
Well…honestly the space excuse is often just a nice way of saying they don’t want kids at the wedding. Can you call them and ask? Maybe they would make the exception since he is so young and still nursing. I personally would be a bit annoyed if someone just showed up with a kid unannounced when the wedding was supposed to be child-free.
Post # 4
- Wedding: July 2012 - The Gables Inn, Santa Rosa, CA
I would call the bride and/or groom and ask them– more than likely they would rather you be there, then have to skip it all together. And they will understand that you tried to make other arrangements and they fell through. Not to mention having a 5 wk old is pretty understandable why you don’t want to leave him so far away.
Most brides I’ve worked with who truly wanted no kids weddings (meaning it wasn’t because of financial restraints) didn’t really care about the infants– it’s the kids 1-10 that are the main concern, so long as he’s quiet during the ceremony (or you take him outside if he’s not) then I don’t think it’ll be an issue.
Post # 5
@Westwood: Thanks for your response! My hubs is the one who knows the groom (HS friends) and we just aren’t as close as I feel like I should me to ask that question (I know that prob sounds weird…), I see what you mean about the being nice about the wording though, makes sense! Like I said above, I’m just not used to weddings like this, it doesn’t offend me in the least, I’m just trying to know what the “right” thing to do is 🙂
Post # 6
@KansasPrincess11: I would have your DH toss in the fact that you guys would sit by the door and remove him right away if he starts fussing a little. I’ll bet that would go a long way towards relieving the concerns about disrupting the ceremony, which I assume is their primary concern.
Post # 7
If you are unsure, talk to the bride or groom directly. But it sounds like they want a kid free wedding. I would be majorly pissed if someone showed up with a kid. But if the bride does make an exception, then she will probably have to deal with annoyance from all the other moms she said “no” to.
Post # 8
I had a no kid wedding. While I made the exception under pressure I did NOT want kids there. I also made it clear that I will not accomodate the child in anyway. Loud music, and open bar in my mind are no place for infants and I wasn’t going to compramise any of that.
My cousin had a newborn she asked if she could bring him- I said I’d prefer not… the wedding is no place for the baby. So according to her she pumped extra milk to have a reserve for her MIL to watch the baby for the evening. She left the baby at home with MIL and let’s just say is was the best decision ever. My cousin who isn’t a drinker drank heavily. She said she had a wonderful time without the baby.
Post # 9
I think whatever you wind up doing, it is a bad idea to showup with a baby without telling the couple.
Post # 10
I agree with other PP’s. You have nothing to lose by simply asking if you can bring the baby if you promise to sit close to an exit, and understand the surroundings will not neceessarily be “baby friendly”. Having your hubs tell your friends about your current situation (original babysitter lined up can no longer help), they may be more inclined to let you. But I would NOT bring the baby without telling them. That always upsets people, just not being aware.
If you trust the baby with your mother in law, I see no problem with leaving him with her. It’s a couple of hours away yes, but it’s not too bad, and like you said – you know he is in good hands! You two should be able to enjoy a nice night out together, worry free.
Post # 11
It seems like the best and most comfortable choice for everyone is to simply skip the wedding. Of course, if you ask the bride/groom if you can bring your infant they are going to say yes, out of courtsey when they probably really want to scream no, plus it puts them in an awkward situaytion by putting them on the spot. If they have made a point to tell their relatives and close frineds no kids then it makes sense that people who they are not as close too are not allowed to bring kids as well. You can always go see them after their wedding and explain why you didnt get to go or leave the baby with your mom three hours away. DON’T just show up baby in tow though.
Post # 12
I would ask them. If I were the bride, I would say yes and not mind at all, simply because you are being courteous enough to ask AND reassuring them that you won’t let a screaming baby ruin their ceremony.
We are having a mostly no kids wedding, and the only reason is because unfortunately, my FI has several family members whose children are ill-behaved & the parents do not keep them in line at formal events. If one of these kids had a tantrum during our ceremony, the parents wouldn’t remove them; they’d watch and laugh and think it’s cute. I think a lot of (I know not all, but I’m willing to say most) people who have no kid weddings are just trying to avoid situations like this.
I would have no problem with you bringing your baby, since you seem like a respectful person. Don’t just show up with the baby, though; I feel like that always upsets people because it gives the impression that you don’t care about their request.
Post # 13
@vmec: I understand your point that a wedding has alcohol and loud music, my wedding did as well, the people who brought babies did not stay late at ours (neither would we).
I appriciate everyone’s responses–I would probably feel obligated to say yes had we had a no kids wedding and someone were to have asked me, I appreciate that point! I think what we will do is either take him up with us and one of us will skip the ceremony and see if there are any other babies there. If not we will just drop our gift off, make our appearance and thank them for inviting us and excuse ourselves. They won’t notice we’re gone, they’ll just be out the plates for our meals, which I will feel bad about but I think is better than the other options. I do trust my MIL with the baby, it’s just that he’ll be quite far away and he’s just too young to stay without us for that long. Some people might feel comfortable with that, I’m just not…call me a smothering mother 😉
Post # 14
As a bride… I would probably prefer you come and just bring him to the reception. It will be loud and noisy anyway so even if he cried, it’s not a HUGE deal. However, I would suggest asking if they would prefer you skip the ceremony.
From my perspective, I don’t really care of some if my guests skip the ceremony. It’s not like I’ll have a chance to talk to them while saying my vows! So I probably wouldn’t even notice, especially since you say you aren’t terribly close to them.
Post # 15
We have friends in the same boat, their solution was to have groom go alone. Also I would call the bride and let her know groom will be coming alone now due to nursing issues. That way if they want to extend the invite to bring him they can. And if they don’t then you know.
Post # 16
..I would be pissed at paying for your uneaten meals, ESPECIALLY if you came and split!
Just call the groom.