(Closed) Need Roommate advice please!!

posted 5 years ago in Relationships
Post # 2
105 posts
Blushing bee
  • Wedding: April 2015

Arrghhh that’s rubbish. I’ve had some rubbish roommates in the past too, and sometimes it feels like no matter what you do, you cant do anything right! Your son has dealt with it in the correct way so far, being reasonable etc. The other guy is totally out of order. Is there a way you can contact the landlord/lady about this? Or seek advice from the agents the property is being let from? 

You could suggest the landlord puts a timer on the thermostat that only he can control, and organise regular checks to make sure the place is being kept clean. These are horrible situations. Perhaps it will get better with time, but for now its good that your son is being the reasonable one, it may fizzle out and the other guy might get bored. Fingers crossed!

Post # 3
1288 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015


GonnaBeMrsB:  As for cleaning up, I remember my dad telling me stories of his awful messy roommates. He finally had enough and took everything that was theres that they didn’t clean up and he threw it ALL away. His roommates cleaned up after themselves since then.

As for the thermostat, is is roommate an idiot? 86 degrees, and then opens a window? Are they paying utilities on their own, or is it included in rent? If its not, have him have his roommate pay the gas bill since he’s the one cranking it up. He could also go to his landlord and have him tell his roommate that they need to keep the heat under a certain temp because of the bill.

sounds like this roommate is a piece of work, good luck to him!

Post # 4
1377 posts
Bumble bee
  • Wedding: August 2015

GonnaBeMrsB:  What does the lease say? If the roommate is being ridiculous and refusing to communicate, check the lease. It may prohibit being a dick, and then the landlord should get involved. As far as the mess goes, my first inclination is to say that whatever mess the roommate makes ends up in the roommate’s space. However, that doesn’t seem like the roommate would understand he’s being an ass. 

How about this: have your son ask your roommate to designate roommate space and your son’s space in communal areas. Roommate can do whatever he pleases to his space, but has to stay out of your son’s space. Yes, it’s basically drawing a line in the sand, but at least he’d have half the table. 

That really sucks. I had a horrible roommate last year, very messy, but since it was a communal lease and he never locked his bedroom door, we put all of his dirty dishes (month’s worth!) on his bed. He got the point after a few times of that. He wasn’t very confrontational though – just dense and didn’t understand the common courtesies of keeping communal areas clean. Your son’s only option may be to either offer to keep things clean (for a high fee, of course), or to involve the landlord. 

Post # 5
719 posts
Busy bee

Wow, yup this is not mature behavior and it is near impossible to deal with someone who is so immature and passive aggressive.

My advice would be to move out.  However, given that’s not an option today, my next thought is to have your son take a week or two off from the situation (come home, stay with a friend) in order to break this cycle of spite.  Next thought is just don’t antagonize the guy.  Let him be a slob until he just can’t stand to be in his own space.  Let him crank up the heat until he cracks and turns it down himself.  In other words, don’t acknowledge the behavior.


Post # 6
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

I had a roommate exactly like that, once.  I contacted the landlord… and just ended up moving out on a whim into a studio apartment I found on Craigslist.  Best decision for my sanity ever.

Post # 7
5950 posts
Bee Keeper
  • Wedding: May 2014


GonnaBeMrsB:  Honestly it sounds like the roommate has serious mental issues and there may be no reasoning with him. I also personally wouldn’t want to provoke him if he is as unstable as he sounds. How long is your son locked into this agreement? Is there some sort of management that can be talked to because living in those conditions was probably not in the agreement. Does he have a friend he could stay with til he can get a new lease elsewhere?

Post # 8
737 posts
Busy bee
  • Wedding: December 2025

Find a new roommate. Honestly, some people are just dicks to live with. My old roommate was insufferably disgusting, so much so that when she moved out I basically bleached her bathroom to get rid of the stains and the dirt that had accumulated over the last 9 months. 

We had one lease with all of our names on it, so we couldn’t kick her out but we did approach our landlords and let them know we had concerns about the state of the unit and her behaviour. We tried to sort it out ourselves and couldn’t. Eventually, with the blessing of the landlord, we broke the lease, kicked her out and resigned a new lease with the landlord.

It’s not worth the stress it’s causing your son, especially if he’s in school and needs to focus and concentrate without that junk happening.

Post # 9
2528 posts
Sugar bee
  • Wedding: August 2013

Tricky situation. Sounds like the roommate is being petty for the sake of it. Tell your son definitely not to tidy up the mess if it gets bad again. If he does it then it will be expected. 

As for the thermostat then I agree with a PP about the bills and talking to the landlord. If the roommate wants the thermostat cranked up he can pay for it.


ETA: Like a PP said about not acknowledging the thermostat being turned up. If he is doing it for a reaction from your son then I agree about ignoring it. It might get to your son but if he doesn’t show it, it will stop if it is attention seeking. 

  • This reply was modified 5 years, 1 month ago by  FromA2B2013.
Post # 10
2347 posts
Buzzing bee

GonnaBeMrsB:  I’ve had lots and lots of roommates in different cities. Unfortunately, I’d say there’s not much your son can do except look for another roommate/apartment or wait it out. Frankly, this isn’t even that bad compared to some places I’ve lived (one girl would throw used tampons on the floor, another wouldn’t flush the toilet for “environmentalism”, and two guys I lived with left out so much food that we got vermin). 

Explain it to him this way, if someone has reached adulthood (and 20s is definitely adulthood) and they still refuse to clean up after themselves and have to be told how to do very basic life things- it’s usually either because they refuse to learn (and didn’t have to lift a finger at home) or they know exactly what they’re doing and they don’t care. 

I often ended up cleaning up after roommates to simply avoid getting bugs, it’s just part of being the “clean” roommate when you live with a slob. The one time I gave in and let it get nasty, we ended up with roaches and mice. 

My advice to your son is to take choosing a roommate VERY seriously in the future. This is just a learning experience for him and he probably has to ride it out. Most people who have roommates experience at some point.

I have also had lots of fantastic roommate experiences! It’s kind of like being a landlord, to get the right tennant (or roommate in this case) you have to ask the right questions. Sometimes it’s hard to know what those questions are until you’re in a bad situation. Don’t let it sour him on roommates, he just needs to be more selective in the future. He can look for someone who is neat and tidy just like him. If he’s posting looking for a roommate he shouldn’t be afriad to be choosy and write exactly what he expects. 

I may get flamed for this, but I have found (from my personal experience)  that roommates from wealthy backgrounds tend to be much dirtier and take less care with things like running up bills, eating other people’s food, and basic cleanliness. I always had the best luck with people like me who were working their way through school, or had demanding jobs, etc.

I also think looking at older roommates might be better. I stopped even interviewing anyone under the age of 23 because they tend (of course not all, this is a generalization) to be less responsible than older roommates. Maybe a graduate student would be a better fit for him? Someone who’s been living on their own for a while and has no desire for the squalor of “College dude” type life. 

Post # 11
238 posts
Helper bee
  • Wedding: June 2015

SeaOfLove:  same thing happened to Me. Turns out she told she was jealous that most of the furniture was mine so she saw no point in cleaning. It was pretty crazy. I hope he can just get the landlord involved and ride it out until the end of the lease.

Post # 12
2316 posts
Buzzing bee
  • Wedding: October 2015 - Ruby Princess

know what? shitty roommates are just part of life. you just get through it the best you can. since nothing really dangerous is going on here, i would just encourage him to figure it out. it’s part of becoming an adult. this is a time in his life where he is realizing what it means to be an adult. dealing with these kind of situations is part of that. when i was that age, and turned to my parents, they would tell me, ‘im sure you’ll figure something out, honey.’ and guess what?  i did.

So i guess what i’m saying is, what your son is going through is pretty normal. it’s really not a defcon 5 situation, and resist the urge to rescue him. just get him to focus on the fact that it is a temporary situation. maybe he will be coming home for the holidays soon? focus on that.

Post # 13
6893 posts
Busy Beekeeper
  • Wedding: September 2015

HesworththeWait:  The worst part about my situation is that she was a fantastic roommate to me, but extremely dramatic when it came to our third roommate.  As soon as the third roommate moved out and we found someone to replace her, she became best friends with the new roommate’s girlfriend and started pulling all this s*** on me.  I found it extremely strange since I pretty much drove her around for 2 or 3 months straight since her car was impounded and then in the shop.  After I moved out suddenly, she came back apologizing because she realized how horrible she was being to me.  Turns out the guy that replaced me wasn’t exactly a peach either.  We get along now, because I was able to forgive her.  I just would never room with her again.

Post # 14
4505 posts
Honey bee
  • Wedding: September 2010

A couple questions: 

1) Why doesn’t he look for a new place on craigslist & just move out? He may not have the money saved up to pay a realtor’s fee, but he should be able to pay what he is currently paying in rent each month, right? And if he breaks the lease, does he lose his deposit? 

2) Who pays the AC/heat bill? If it’s included in the rent, then your son should tell the landlord that his roommate is cranking the heat up to 86 every day and opening his window, wasting the landlord’s money. If your son & his roomie split the bill, then your son should refuse to pay it.

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