Post # 1
Hi all, I’m looking for some feedback. I am a bridesmaid in my friend’s wedding this year. I am very close with the bride, and with her mother, as well as the Maid/Matron of Honor. The bride said she wanted to go away for a weekend for her bachelorette party. So after looking around, we did find a weekend getaway package that costs around $350-400 per person. Now, the bridesmaids are in charge of the shower. I know that this is traditional and to be expected, but the mother of the bride just gave us a guest list of 80 people. One of the bridesmaid’s mothers was nice enough to let us host it at her house, but we’re estimating the party to cost approximately $1,500. Since we have all spent a good deal on the bach party, dresses, hair, etc, and most of the other bridesmaids are broke, me and the Maid/Matron of Honor are stuck with the bulk of the cost (we are closest with the bride out of anyone, so I guess I expected that too.) My question is, is it appropriate to ask the mother of the bride for some financial help? We are in our mid twenties, and all of us are struggling financially. I was a bit surprised when i received the guest list, and I’m not sure how to respond. Thoughts?
Post # 3
I think a guest list of 80 people for a bridal shower is absolutely ridiculous. In addition, as hostesses footing the bill, you and the other BMs get to decide the final guest list.
I would politely (but matter-of-factly) let the MOB know that the bridal party is prepared to host a shower for up to XX guests, so you will have to review and cut the list. You can also suggest to her that another shower be hosted separately. Multiple showers aren’t that unusual; sometimes an aunt or friend of the family hosts a separate shower. Ask the MOB if she can help you split the list appropriately. If Mom objects, you can let her know that you would welcome her as a co-hostess if she would like to foot the bill for the difference.
Again, be very polite and sweet, but stand firm on this. It is competely unfair of her to expect this of you!
Post # 4
@NotYourTypicalBride: very solid advice. completely agreed.
Post # 5
I agree that you need to let the MOB know that a guest list that large is more than you and the other maids are able to take care of. You could suggest either splitting the list into two showers, or perhaps co-hostessing the very lrage shower. If you do end up hvaing that large of a group I would suggest talking with the bridge about logistics, such as opening gifts. Watching someone open 50+ boxes could get really boring. You might want to ask that the gifts be unwrapped – a display shower – if you end up that big.
Post # 6
It seems to like the MOB is really needing to find another shower option. Asking you and the others to host a party for such a large crowd is a bit over the top–unless you’re in the event planning business.
Perhaps giving a suggested number of “X” would be the best way to handle this…looking over the list you might suggest she see if maybe the MOG or Family Friend would want to step in for guests who meet certain demographics such as “family shower,” “work related shower” “family friends” or such. Really 80 people is so large it is hard to imagine having everyone in the same room or being able to really connect with the bride.
Sounds like you might need to enlist your brides help too. It is a big expectation to ask of you financially as well as to coordinate.
Post # 7
- Wedding: September 2011 - Laurel Rock Farms, PA
I have 50 people on my guest list and my mom feels thats even too many. 8 people is CRAZY! A shower should last no more than 4 hours and if the bride has to sit there and open gifts you will be there 7 hours. I would come up with a A and B guest list and show the bride or the mother and get their feelings on that. If the mother wants everyone invited then just ask if she would mind helping with food. DYI will cost alot less then paying someone to do it for you.
Post # 8
80 people are too many for one shower. I would speak to the MOB and ask her to priorize a certain number of guests. Someone else distant to the bride could host a separate shower for the rest of the guests.
Post # 9
I think that’s way way way too many. And it’s not out of line to ask for help. And if she insists on the number being firm just say that’s fine but we can only front $500 total (between the 2 or 3 of you) or whatever number you guys are willing to shell out. Be polite and point out how much you CAN afford and go from there.
Post # 10
You deff need to talk to the mother of the bride. I am having a shower of around that many guests and my mom will be paying for it. She would never make my bridesmaids pay for all of that! She knows they can’t afford it and while they will be helping where they can it’s not fair for them to pay for my huge family! Talk to the mom. She either needs to help pay for this or seriously tone down the guest list.